[At the edge of the rainbow] Liquid Storm 1.4
"Perfect, my love, well then put in the suitcase. We feel tonight, ok? I love you to death. "Rachel gently closes off the phone with Stephanie and she puts the phone in her purse canvas. Amnon
a few steps away trace circles in the sand on the coast of Caesarea. Rachel joins him and puts her hands on his shoulders, snapped a kiss on the forehead.
"What does my brother?" Amnon lets go against Rachel and closes his eyes.
"The heat is giving me a little 'annoyance, I'm sorry." Whisper to a whisper.
"Look out!" But Rachel does not has time to pronounce the sentence which both fall on the hot sand.
"You just have a special passion for the sand, eh!" Rachel joked, passing a hand over his forehead.
"You want to do great on the Wiener Schnitzel." Blow up both in laughter.
fifty-ninth day
Somewhere night I always dream of being trapped in an hourglass, where the sand is like oxygen to me and runs off as they feel short of breath.
Sometimes I try to sit still, do not shake and wait for death, but this never comes. It 's just a slow agony that lasts until morning. I think
Rachel has noticed something, some days it is even more helpful.
sister, when you resigned to the fact that I will not be saved?
"Now we rest a bit 'cool." Jest Rachel. "That is cool on." He says, settling under the umbrella and extending his friend a bottle of juice.
"Look, I'm fine." He points out.
"I know." She says, pulling out his tongue. "But I want you both continue to feel good."
"Want to go for a swim? At least now you do not mess with mud, I promise. "The calls him, standing up and holding out a hand.
The water is warm, 'cos I hardly gives much relief. The sea is calm, only minor ripples in the skim.
swim for a few dozen meters, side by side without speaking. Their movements are synchronized naturally.
"Wait here." She says she immersed up to the bottom, and to gather Fasolare white. Going strikes against the breast of Amnon.
He holds strong, helping it to pull up, stroking her hair sun-kissed looks like a mermaid.
And we can do nothing, but finds it beautiful and desirable. It is not a sexual nature, is a connotation of the feminine: it is so sunny, so strong and delicate at the same time that you can not want it next. The
touches his lips with his, just, with closed eyes, thinking she has the same tenderness of a mother with her own baby.
Rachel walks away, embarrassed, not understanding, but at least it does not ask for explanations. Once re-established roles, slips between your hands the shell. Fifty days
Rachel gives me security.
I will always remember the warmth with which I have always surrounded her and Stephanie. They welcomed me into their love nest as a big brother Zitello and remained at the same time as a father to whom we should respect.
Or as a child to cuddle and protect. Stefania
understood that there is no competition between me and her, that Rachel does not subtract anything, giving something to me.
why I was delighted when I heard that Rachel told her tonight on Skype with quiet, sometimes sleep embraced in the same bed.
"Just remember that when I come in three in a bed there we go!" Joked Stephen.
I wanted to shout that when it comes, will have nothing to fear. Forty days
Sometimes I wish that everyone hated me because I hate myself.
So at least it would be easier to leave.
I am a person with no balls.
scenes I'm drawing in my notebook of suicide, imagining my death from several angles, but I know perfectly well that this is just procrastination.
"Why must you always do theater usually the first to say yes?" Rachel whispers to Amnon, who is talking on the phone with Shimon. The friend of the glances annoyed, as it takes time.
"I do not know what Rachel wants to do." Babblers.
"Passamela." Responds the man on the other side of the phone.
"No." states decided, trying to give voice to a deep tone. Rachel, tired of being the scapegoat for the leaders of the other mood, she pulled the phone out of hand.
"Here, at least one sane person. "Ride him, recognizing the voice of the friend. "We wanted to propose to reach me and to Gad Rainbow Café. To you be? Tonight is the night in Spain. "
" It seems a good idea. "Meets Rachel, Amnon looking straight into my eyes, without really thinking whether to go or not, if only to spite his brother quell'indeciso. "There will be a little 'live music?"
"There is a very good band playing flamenco. I know the guitarist. "
" Excellent. And tell me, you know the dance flamenco? No, because Amnon is worse than dancing with dancing with a broomstick. " She laughs.
"Me I was a bit 'notice. Let me drink a few glasses of sangria and we can talk. "The proposed him.
"Ok. You owe me a dance then. See you around nine and a half, ok? In the meantime I will try to remove that phrase from your dog beat the knight. "She greeted her, closing the call.
"Hey," yelled Amnon, taking her cell phone from his hands. "What you got?"
"Rather than what you got." She said. "Why are you so afraid?"
"I'm not afraid. And then you stop to meddle in my affairs. "Rachel looks at him with eyes of fire.
"I'm going to me in the shower, petulant brat. "He says, leaving the room, slamming the door. Forty days
Rachel is holding it under running cold shower, trying to regain calm. E 'vexed to death, but does not want to ruin the evening for the blame of his bad moods. Amnon
course has really changed and every day seems to get worse.
E 'as if to preclude, for some mysterious reason, all possibility of happiness or at least peace of mind.
It has become aggressive, perhaps the feature that surprises most. And although he claims to be the usual with her, Rachel can feel how much tension lurks along with whatever he says or does.
out of the shower, dries quickly, putting the clean laundry. Tonight
want to live, wants to look good and feel good. It will put a dress that gave both Stephanie and particularly love.
"I do not care if Amnon decided to stop his life, I have no desire to be in a coma." She says to herself.
Amnon looks surprised when she enters the room and, without bothering to say hello, his search for the black clothes From the wide skirt.
He can not help but look at it, to stop the clear skin that is slowly beginning to color of gold.
would like to be able to paint well, in semi-shade, because of its beauty, strong and fragile at the same time, it is a stab in the stomach.
"Rachel ..." is approaching, touching his arm with two fingers.
"What?" She replied, freed from the socket.
"Sorry." He says, looking into her eyes. Rachel ignores him, running out to fix the dress. "Are you angry?"
"do you think? Now we make clothes or later. And try not to be a moron like you usually do. Also you can not. "
Thirty days Sometimes I feel going into meltdown, the heart begins to beat very strong, my head spinning and your legs go down. I was going
shortly after I had resigned and had blamed the weakness, but now I'm not weak enough to eat and sleep regularly.
Sometimes I can not breathe and I feel like dying.
I'm sure I'll die.
But in the end never die, even though my chest hurts.
Maybe I should talk to your doctor, but I probably dismiss quickly. O
I would say talk to a specialist and I do not want.
Shimon affectionately greets Rachel, tight hug and kissing her on both cheeks.
"You're beautiful." He says, grabbing the hem of her black skirt. "Ok, at this point we have to dance together for strength, my Lady. May I introduce Gad? "Rachel smiles to the new knowledge and let Amnon and Shimon approaching and greet. Out of the corner of the eye following their movements and can not help but smile when they notice that the embrace between the two continues for too long.
The restaurant is already full of people in the courtyard of the flamenco-rock band playing a very loud, so that is almost impossible to talk.
They go to their table, Amnon sits next to Rachel, while keeping a certain distance between them.
"Do I make you drink the sangria tonight?" Rachel laughs, turning to Shimon.
"There is no need to pray." He says, looking into her eyes and Amnon seems as though they're flirting.
"Why would you want to dance with him?" He tells Rachel.
"Why do not I want to dance with you and me to step on their feet all the time." The prickly she says.
"I tried anyway, to dance the flamenco." He says. "I do not like make me ridiculous."
"It could be an interesting experience." Teases The Gad.
Thirty-fifth day I feel stupid writing this diary in half.
Really, I do not see it .. if not the purpose of fulfilling the promise of fucking. Damn me.
Is not this now ... I should mention is that the more I approach the end everything becomes more confused.
You understand, Shimon?
I hope you will understand by reading.
"Explain why you are always like acid to me." Shimon says, and walks with Amnon to take the sangria at the bar. "If you're not interested, you can always tell me. We are adults to deal with it. "
" Maybe I do not care. "The answers the question without looking at his face.
"What do you mean" maybe "? And look at me in the face, fuck, you do not thirteen. "Grabbed him by the shoulder.
"It is business that we relate to ..." Shimon interrupts him, grabbing his jaw.
"It 's my life idiot. And I'm not going to waste time chasing ghosts, fuck. I'm not a teenager. If you wanted was a good fuck, well you got it. "
" This was what you wanted, I think. "Says the youngest. In response
Amnon kisses him on the mouth, without answering.
"Now take these drinks and go back to the table, I'm not going to let too much time alone with Rachel Gad." The information, advancing toward the chest.
"Rest assured, he has not the slightest intention to pounce." Shimon sarcastic answers. "Stop using it as an excuse."
Twenty-eighth day I decided: I want to shoot me.
I know that is not the best way to commit suicide, which is painful and inconvenient for those who will help my body, but it seems like the right death for a murderess.
shoot with my own gun.
After three years of military and a war I know perfectly how to shoot to kill a person.
I'm not afraid of physical suffering and I can not even make too many scruples who will wash my body, suicide is in itself an act of selfishness.
So better to be selfish to the end.
"Well I had both my sangria, and then my dear young lady, well now we can go dancing." Shimon reach out to Rachel, help her up. "You should wear heels more often, you're more stylish. "He tells her, making her twirl.
"What a pimp you are." She whispered, slowly beginning to make sinuous movements with his hands, caressing the air with her fingers and feeling the rhythm of the music in the sides.
"Do not you told me to be so good." The compliments him, improvising a few awkward movements of Seville.
"I studied flamenco for five years, Amnon would have to warn you." Warbles her heels began to beat, improvising on the melody of the guitar and doing the twirl skirt.
Amnon looks enchanted from the table, wondering how she could, usually so shy and reserved, so move at ease among so many strangers who watch it.
would like to think that they are enchanted by the magic of his style and they're not just seeing her in a piece of female flesh on which to vent their animal instincts.
The mere thought that someone would want his little sister sexually makes him sick. And he does not like at all like Shimon looks like play with her, knowing that he feels for her interest in that type.
"They are a lovely couple." Comment Gad. "I would be able to dance so well, you know how many guys I could enchant the club?"
"It 's something so damn ... sexual . "Amnon said, scornfully.
"Sensual, you mean." Gad corrects him, ending their sangria. "It must be fun. I mean, I think they are mistaken for a heterosexual couple. "
" Oh how nice, we all return in the closet. "
" This is not the end. E 'to see how we take them around, as we master the their language. "Gad explains. "If you want to defeat the enemy, you have to blend well," he jokes.
"This joke was extremely upset." Commented Amnon. "I'm going to get me to drink again."
twenty-fourth day
Lately I've ever head in a song, In the moonlight shadow . The
often sang karaoke to me and Rachel when we were in Pisa and I do not know, but somehow it seems that now speaks to us.
my little sister, I'll be always near you.
Promise me you will not cry too much for me, not substance.
"I can not wait to get to know your better half." Shimon said to Rachel. "It 's as sweet as you?"
"Perhaps more than me. You know, we sponsor the Italian order of dentists, we are so sweet that we come to decay to all our friends! "He jokes.
"Besides, lesbians are used to soften the LGBT community "declares Gad, dandle a hug. "And you are truly a special girl."
"Street children, end up with all these compliments embarrass me." She blushes.
"I will we do instead of a bow you did not do enough." Shimon Causes, looking at the person's eyes.
"Well, instead of standing still on the road, I'd say it's time to go." Amnon Proclamation.
"I started the car then, so I take off my heels start to bother me. Give me the keys. "She ordered peremptorily.
"I'll go with me, ever I be accused of not being quite cavalier!" Gad says, grabbing his arm.
"All right, then I'll feel the group of which I mentioned earlier from my i-pod, so I guess those two will do for a while. '" She suggests, going to the parking lot.
"Oh, yeah. Shimon I wonder how I managed to completely lose your head like that. "Look, shaking his head.
"If it gives me so much, they lost in two." Laughs Rachel. "Amnon And if he does not stop running away, I will lose my patience!"
seventeenth day I decided the date. The day before he comes Stefania. I could wait until she arrives and Rachel to go away with her in a hotel, would gentle on my part.
But the thought of dying with Rachel next gives me courage, make me feel better.
I know, she probably will not be able to forgive me.
I'll probably hurt, but I'm not sure I care so much.
can not get worse than it is.
"I am surprised at you. Stephen would say if he knew so tanned you tonight? "Amnon attacks it in the car.
"Like what? Just because for once I was dressed as a woman? She wants you to do so more often. "He defends her, ready to vent the anger on all day.
"Of course, it would be very happy to see you tanned so when you go out with men only. "
" Men gay. Otherwise I would not have ever done. "Responds acid.
"Well, then you could avoid Shimon flirting with all night." He mutters.
"What I would have done? I hope you are drunk, my friend. "The screaming, scratching the bare skin of the arm.
"By your misfortune are perfectly sober. And how do you call dancing together, laugh, look in your eyes? "He exclaims, and hold the steering wheel. "All the local have thought you were a couple."
"A couple that is untouchable and not to kiss?" She laughs. "I have yet to figure out if you are more jealous of me or him. And just to let you know you're not boyfriend either, so stop immediately. "
" Are you going to say to Stephanie? "Continues undaunted.
"I have nothing to hide, damn it! To me you're completely stupid and all day you're dealing with shit! What the hell, just because I love you, is not written anywhere that it should bear your hysterical scene, "she yells. Both
falls into a silence thick and heavy.
Thirteenth day
My life is useless.
not useless, are not indispensable to anyone.
I do not have a purpose, I have no ambitions. I
drag as an empty shell and pointless.
'm just a machine ready to kill.
Or they break.
"Rachel ..." he whispered, sitting on her bed. Can not make it to bed knowing that she is still angry with him and that probably is not sleeping. It hurts to hear the tears of her when she touched her face.
"Do not cry. I did not want ... I did not want. You are the most important person in my life. "Le says. "Do not abandon me."
"It is true that I am, I can not be." Responds with bitterness, subtle voice is lost.
"I'm sorry. I am ashamed. I ... I ... I care a lot you do not know what came over me. Yes, I'm jealous. I'm jealous of you. "He stroked her hair. "And I'm a jerk and really, sometimes I do not even know why I act in a certain way. Forgive me. "
" You know I would not be able to keep the nose tomorrow. "Softens her, calling on his side and hugging. "What makes you feel so bad?"
"I'm not evil." He defends himself, the lie of the clearest reflection of the moon on the polished floor.
"Amnon .. I understand that they do not want to talk to me, but at least do not pretend it's business as usual." It flatters. "Please, at least be sincere."
"It is not he does not want to talk to you ... is that I do not want to talk and nothing else. "he whispered.
"It would be better if you write to Shimon to apologize, you were intractable with him." Suggests.
"I do not deserve it." Chatter, but then convinces her to type a message on the phone.
"Excuse me for tonight. I love you. "Type, sending the message without thinking twice.
Ninth day I look at the sky more and more yellowish and muggy.
I fucked up, yet another of my life.
Why have something you want to be so, but only very little is worse than not having it at all. 'Cause you know that regret.
It can have a thousand better than me and I have very little to offer.
Why can not I enjoy a night like everyone else?
sentimental fool I am.
Now I know that even in the darkness I will continue to feel her smell.
"Are you sad little sister?" Asked Amnon, while walking along the beach, enjoying the night.
"I miss Stephanie." She whispered. "Fortunately, in three days will be here. It 'a long time no see. "
" I do not know how facades. Do not I'll never live in harmony with such a person. That we will be boys we need more space. "See Amnon.
"Perhaps you need space, after being five years with that beast of a Gal. "she points out. "You were always attacked him and he treated you worse than a dog."
"Beast seems a bit exaggerated." He said. "It's not a compliment compared to what you really think of him. Your more than a free report was a massacre. "Comment on her.
"Relationships between people are never linear. Or at least, have never been lucky enough to have one. "Rachel takes her hand.
"You should try to let you go more with Shimon." She whispered.
"Ah, little sister, I was thinking ... you want to go to a concert tomorrow night? I'll give you a ticket to begin to forgive me. "
" Do not you need it, brother. "The pinch rolls." I love how stupid you are. But I'll come willingly to the concert anyway! "He laughs.
"sold, then!"
seventh day I canceled all his messages. I know it's stupid, but I will not keep them.
I do not want when they find my phone, might think that my gesture is related to him.
Shimon has nothing to do.
He tried to light a candle in my darkness. I hope he has the strength to turn a well to my memory.
know, Shimon, I'm falling in love.
"It 's been a great concert, thank you!" Rachel yells on him, his ears still bothered by excessive decibels. He kisses his friend on the cheek, and hold once again. He wants to look more happy than it is because it wants to transmit a bit 'of good humor that Amnon, which badly conceals his sadness behind a fake smile.
Have you felt so useless in the afternoon, when he felt like a burn as he was shot down and dejected and was not able to make him talk, nor to relieve his suffering.
"I hope you'll remember our evenings, when you're away ... and I think a little bit." Mumbles him, starting the car engine.
"Of course you think! And then we will feel, you believe that? Mica can think of escape me! "She threatens him.
"Think of me only occasionally, achot yakarah ." She sighs, she can not distinguish the words.
"You know ... I thought of the idea of pictures .. I think you would be out of something beautiful. I still have that drawing you made me so many years ago .. "she reminds him.
"I do not so much fantasy." Amnon shrugs. "I'll go if we stop to take some sweets for tomorrow morning? Since my parents are out this weekend, do not think anyone has bothered to leave something for tomorrow. "
" Okay. "She nods her. "You're pretty much on an empty stomach since this morning." She reminded him.
"For now I want something chocolate," she exclaims, parking the car in one of the bars along the promenade. "There is a bakery that is open all night sweet good. Come. "
end up eating unleavened chocolate walking on the beach still crowded, speaking of the concert and just saw the program for tomorrow.
"I think not having yet said how important it is for me you came to see me." He says he stammered.
"No, actually I just thank you fifty times day, I had not realized mica. "Jest once again Rachel, hugging him. "Stupid you are."
return home and begin to see some 'of videos about Nana10, Rachel barely resists sleep.
"Go to bed little one, not that you have to be to watch my insomnia." Urges him.
"Ok, then I go to bed ... goodnight, see you tomorrow." Rachele drawl, too sleepy and retired to their room.
Day
Touched by Rachel is something sweet. I wished that my mother had cradled as a child, but she's a very cool woman and men do not like touching people will be touched.
I will miss so much, my Rachel.
Do not cry for me, ok? I would like to ask you, as he shakes my hand. E 'last long, maybe even an hour, she held me patient and I stroked her hair. Only once tried to ask what was wrong, then you are limited to Starmie next, like the night we slept in the same bed.
If our life had been different, if we had been different, maybe one day we'd get married and had children.
If .. if .. if .. I should stop thinking about all these situations just makes me sick.
not have much to leave behind, because even if I had something, maybe I would not have come to the resolution I have taken.
Nothing behind, in front of only twenty-four hours that will pass soon.
Amnon restless waiting for an end to any noise and turn off the lights, including television. Sits in the dark, because it is the darkness that returns everything. He takes off his shoes and tiptoed goes to the parents' room. Not even in the dark is hard to guess his backpack in a corner cabinet. It pulls out and hugs him tight, had to be carried up in the living room.
He kneels on the floor in front of the pack as a relic.
carefully pulls out everything: the shirt that her mother has washed several times, now the pants are too wide and must take up with the belt and finally the black rifle.
is granted crying while the charge and the tip under the chin, closing his eyes.
A cry tore eardrums firearm slips between her thighs and just a twist of fate is not part of the blow.
Only later will realize that it did not removed the safety. Rachel shakes
petrified, unable to scream again, neither to approach nor friend.
seems an angel with the light that filters in the corridor behind her slender shoulders, the chest that runs after missing a breath.
"Come here." Squeaks Amnon, unable to face her. Realize that you may not be close now, while he still has that instrument of death in his hand. Lays it gently to himself, him away, but she still does not move, petrified. Mechanically
disarm the gun and hide it in your backpack ... but you may not be close anymore anyway. Perhaps he is afraid of him now.
Rachel's falls on him, incredulous, touching his face with his hands warm. He does not know what did in the lead, what would scream.
"I'm tired of being nothing." Whispered to her, hold strong. "Who am I?" Rachel does not speak, is to listen in silence to vent. "What I belong, Rachel? I'm Israeli, but I can not even defend my land. I'm the jew, but they are gay and people do not want me. I dreamed of being at peace, but I have a rifle. And I'm not even a fucking human being, because it is not a murderess! "The voice fragments in a slow sigh.
Rachel tries to chase back the tears and clasps him tightly to himself.
"What happened when you were in Gaza?" He asks in a voice thin.
"I do not know. My hands were shaking, I did not shoot. And if you do not know what you are shooting? Nothing. Because in war there are no rules. If you and your fellow soldiers hit you, because if you do not shoot it endangers their own lives, they are right. And then you take ... take the blows, insults, the spitting. And the next day to shoot and maybe even try your hand will tremble a bit 'less, but you can not be happy when you see blood when you hear the screams. When you see women and children queued for a ration of water that never comes. And you think that this is not the country you want. And then of course you do if you shoot him? To react you try, close your eyes and pull the trigger. And everything you've believed to be shattered. And you can not say that you do not believe in what you're doing, because if not it will be even worse. And see your buddies, your friends, who brutalizes like wild beasts, they feel that because they have studied both civil and abroad. And the smell ... can not imagine the smell of rotten blood and phosphorus. As it burns the throat and eyes. I'd rather be dead. "Amnon turns off between Rachel's arms, breathing becomes a broken rattle on her breast.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Is Penn Foster School Fraud?
[At the edge of the rainbow] Liquid 1.3
"How long have you been together and now Stephanie?" Amnon asked softly, his arm around her waist. Rachel can not help but smile, noting that his brother is doing the new habit of physical contact and not the more escapes.
"Almost three years." She answered, drawing back a lock of hair from his forehead.
"How did you meet?"
"Amnon, I've told a hundred times." She says patiently, you can not forget you have it.
"We can pretend that I have forgotten, so you tell me again." He whispered. "I like to hear about." He adds with a slight smile. Because really pleases them and gives them hope for a chance to feel as if the two girls are met.
"We were at a concert, both to accompany some friends to a stupid concert of reggae music - which fortunately do not like either of the two-and save us from the boredom we had taken refuge in the bar. She was beautiful, an angel, I knew immediately that it was a princess. "
" Stephen is really a princess. It 's beautiful. That is, you are also beautiful, but yours is a different beauty. You belong to heaven, her to the ground. "He whispered, kissing her cheek." To you design a dress for Cloud, her precious gems. "
" You should really make us a drawing. "Suggests Rachel, but differs from him to pick up a shell on the beach.
"I'm not able to draw beautiful things." Admits with a hint of regret. "I lost all my sweetness, I became like the sand on the sea of Gaza." Her eyes are lost for a moment, the hands that pull the yellow Sleeveless. "Please tell me more about how if you have to kiss the first time."
"Well, we did not your kiss. We were just sharing a drink and our lips were found nearby. "
" I find it very sweet. I wish my lips are close to those of someone. "
" Who? "She asked curiously, coming back.
Centoquarantesimo day.
Today I decided to return to the center. It required much effort. I did not take the car, I preferred the bike.
I do not dare to drive alone and in any case the area of Carmiel is hell in the car.
The seat was as if I had never left, with the same poster, the same relaxed atmosphere and at the same time .. hopefully.
I felt out of place.
"Amnon! Amnon's you! "Sarah shook my strong self, carried the memory of holidays past summer." We had hoped that more would come back. "He shook my hand in his plump. "You have changed your mobile number? I tried to call, but I have never responded. "
I do not want to lie, nor to hurt her, telling her that I wanted to hear. Because I have nothing against her or against friends that I have tried. It 's just that I did not feel ready to return to this world.
He stroked her hair and gave me a kiss on the forehead. Then came the question.
"Now you're a bit 'better?" I asked as I took in the kitchen to offer me something to drink. I nodded with my head and I know you did not believe me at all, and he replied with a smile of compassion.
"It must have been horrible." I whispered, not trying to force me to talk about it. "But the important thing is that now you're back. We will see you here in the middle? "
" Yes. .. There is indeed something I could do in particular? Unfortunately I do not think being able to do psychological counseling, right now. "I admitted and die in that moment I felt a part of me again. Because for me it was important to be able to help others, as it was for me I was a kid have someone to reassure me and make me feel normal and loved.
"How would you like to join the organizing committee? You have always been very good at keeping relationships with various institutions and speaks good English and Italian, this could be very useful. "I propose. "It's not too challenging, a couple of meetings a week, for up to an hour."
"Do not you think other members will get angry? In recent years I have not done much here .. "I said.
"But we all know that study abroad and summer are always returned to help out. Indeed, it is a pleasure to have you back among us. "I said, pouring a little 'juice.
"Thanks."
Centotrentacinquesimo days
Lately he spends his nights reading or drawing, without being able to sleep. The fact is that I'm used to sleeping during the day so that I can not resume a normal rhythm. Or maybe I just slept too much during the illness and now my body does not want it most.
My soul refuses to rest, even when my body would need it: so I fall asleep at work or at the table.
My mother sent me to the doctor, but the only thing he knew the signs are sleeping pills, I do not want to take, at least for now.
Tonight was embarrassing. I went to the Center for my second organizational meeting. No one welcomed me wrong, even if all they look at me like I was a survivor .
Maybe you were really there.
However, it is because I feel miserable that I want to talk, because I just write it hurts too much.
I was pathetic.
After the meeting I got an attack of sleep, her head began to turn around wildly. I rested my head on the table, her arms. I think I fell asleep for a few minutes.
I heard voices approaching and I recognized those of Shimon and Gad. They sat next to me and I opened my eyes.
Shimon I placed a can of cold coffee in front.
"I He knows you're asleep. "I said, half smiling, perhaps in derision. I grabbed the can and I waited, thinking that I wanted to say something, but continued to talk to Gad, ignoring me.
I left my drink cans, without saying anything.
The day slips away better than it was begun.
Eventually they returned to the desert, heading towards the Dead Sea.
"Come on!" Amnon teases, taking off his shirt and ammonicchiandola over their backpacks. Fell on a beach less crowded and more difficult to achieve, hoping to enjoy greater peace of mind, but obviously there are people there too. Rachel stroked his bare chest and tickles:
"You're smoother than me, it's not just this thing," she protested.
"Eh, but I bet that made me feel bad I wax on his chest that you legs!" He exclaims.
"And who does the waxing legs?" She laughs in his face. "Mica masochist like you are!" She takes off her light dress, her brother is one of the few men who do not embarrass.
"How hot is that!" Protest.
"So I take a bath! Now we're here. "He exclaimed, smiling and holding hands dragging in the water. Rachel slips on him, the palms of bad feet that stand on slippery ground. Amnon usually greets her in a hug and caresses her hair.
An old lady looks at them from afar, laughing, perhaps mistaking them for an engaged couple.
"Burn!" Protested the girl.
"Yes, it burns. But does it well. You'll be glad when he comes here as your Stefania. "The whispers in his ear. Rachel relaxes a bit 'and extends over the water, closing his eyes and trying to listen to the music of the strange sea.
He gets up when hit by a bullet feels slimy and mushy.
"Are you nuts?" Rachel is incredulous when she sees him become covered with mud.
"Look that's good. Everybody does. "He proclaims.
"To me it sucks. And I do not care if they do it all! "She said, before being hit by another ball of mud." Take that, then! "He says, bending down and putting a hand in the mud. They end up as a battle, smeared like two children.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but now it is better to wash in and out." He whispered, trying to clean up. Rachel, have good cleaning, runs a hand gently on her face, removing the mud left hairline.
Centotrentaduesimo day.
Gad I hate it. I'm almost sure. He treats me like I'm an idiot, every time. No wonder, is the cousin of Nathan, the new boyfriend of Gal. Who knows what's
Gal has spoken ill of me. In fact, probably not needed, we will have already thought Nathan.
It 's normal that a former boyfriend speak evil of his current love.
Gal and I we've been together for six years, six long years.
We were an exception, because we were very young. He was the first man with whom I made love.
The only one I loved.
But unfortunately he did not love me enough ... and I have not done enough to keep him beside me. Nathan
At least now I make you happy.
E 'beautiful Nathan, and Gad resemble him. Same tanned skin, same-colored eyes and red lips coal fire.
Gad is higher. It is fifteen years older. It is muscular and athletic.
I am a bit 'scared.
I do not know if he and Shmueli are together, they are always near you. Shmueli
And every time he speaks to me as if I felt the gaze of the other fire.
But why should I be jealous? Shmueli just trying to treat me like a human being, not as a case study.
Or maybe, as usual, I find myself in the middle of some games that do not understand.
They chose a trip to Galilee, to see a little 'green and enjoy a little' shadow.
It 'nice to see how the landscape is smooth and in some way to rock the sight and mind. One of their mutual friend is waiting for them for lunch at Kibbutz Golam.
"I thought tonight we could go to feel a little 'music." Amnon It offers, turning down the volume on your stereo.
"What music? Look, another night of techno and do crazy. I swear. "Rachel laughs, biting her nails.
"No, no ... I meant music-music. "he laughs." I confess that if I do not make at least a couple of glasses of vodka, I can not stand quell'accozzaglia sounds even me. "
" not to belittle, sweetie darling. "she said." But I always suspected. "
" In my defense, Your Honor, I only say that a concert is very difficult to grasp pretty boys. "The mocks, imitating the perfect tone of a defendant.
"against him, Mr. accused, a witness to call myself that .." Rachel burst out laughing before you even finish: Amnon knows very well that she met Stephen at a concert.
"But you women are different. If you like women, not men look at a singer. And if the singer is a woman, well ... just criticizes both the defects. We see that gay jerks we are, if the singer is a woman groan fascinated because we want to be like her, if the singer is a man we drooled over ... and then we lose the possibility of finding the soul sister in the audience! "
" I always said that the males are a category in the evolutionary ladder! "
Centoventisettesimo days
Today Sarah gave me a surprise and came to get me to work.
"Let's go for a walk in Sheinkin Street? It 'so that we do a good chat and me alone. "I brought embracing. I love the scent of baby powder and milk.
wore a blue flowered dress that was fine with her blond hair and his freckled skin.
puts me joy.
We went for a ride, we stopped for a coffee.
"Rachel, how are you? She graduated? " he asked.
"Yes, I missed her graduation once again .. But this summer will find me, my star. I miss her. "I said.
"I think being a bit 'with her you will do well." She smiled at me, put a little' uncomfortable.
"You must still follow many therapies?" He asked me, to surprise him.
"Not too much, just some medication." I replied. "But it seems that my liver is better now." I tried to sound reassuring.
"It 's funny how you say that part of your body is better." He noted. "Like you, as a person, not themselves really well."
Then we talked about other things, but this sentence struck me like a fist.
Chaim awaits them in the parking lot and greets them with enthusiasm.
fifty years and has more energy than a person of twenty, always around the globe in search of something worth seeing. " He speaks six languages and when one does not know of a place makes up for with an explanatory gesture.
asks Rachel how is his family and why are not they too came to Israel this summer, then kindly invites you to enter the village.
"Since today is not too hot, we decided to lay off." Amnon takes a little 'aside, letting the breeze caress face.
Rita, the wife of Chaim, prepared vegetables of all kinds because of summer "to those who are going to eat meat?".
"Your father told me that next year will work in the United States." Comment Chaim, Rachel, extending to a piece of bread.
"Yes," she blushes. "They offered me a good contract." From the smile that lights up his face so well reflected in his enthusiasm. "I can not wait, I see a piece of the world do not know. "
" I'm sure you'll be fine. Then you do not have problems with English ... and also if we do not start at your age, when should I do? " reassures the man.
"Even our older son is away, he left for India after the military, four months is out." Comments Rita, leaving no leak nostalgia.
"I know some of my fellow soldiers who have done after the draft, seems to be a pretty popular destination." Try to interact Amnon, which so far has not said a word.
"There's something wrong, boy? You have not eaten hardly anything. "Chaim Comment." Usually you frighten wolves. "
" I drank too much last night, I still have stomach upset, sorry. "Justified, dropping his eyes. The silence leaves space
AFA slow to noise and haze of the afternoon.
"By the way, we are planning a good initiative with the Palestinian NGO we work with often." The Rita says, trying to awaken his attention.
The couple are in fact the promoters of the association that works Amnon.
"We are writing a collection of fairy tales Palestinian and Israeli, to be translated into two languages. We would like to make a picture book with which to finance our activities and the most beautiful we would like to put on stage at the Theatre of Peace Jafo. There seems to be a good idea? "Says Chaim, eyes that are clear as glass.
"It seems to me beautiful. It would be nice to also read them children in schools. "Rachel smiled, trying to see before him an idyllic scene where children who normally do not even look at her face listen spellbound reading accompanied by mimes.
"I thought you could explain, you have always been very good at drawing." Chaim explains Amnon laying the table with a sad expression indefinitely.
"It 'so I do not take more than a pencil in hand, I do not think being able to scribble something decent." He muttered, lost.
"But the last thing you did with the computer were very beautiful. Even something like that would be fine. "Argues Rita, looking puzzled.
Centoventitreesimo day.
When I came back my mother was waiting up, weird thing, because when I get back to Agudah late and she's waiting for me ever. I do not have fifteen years.
"It 's something wrong?" I asked.
"Today we received a phone call from the ministry, you were looking for." I said, looking dark. I do not know why, but my heart took a beating too hard and I felt cut off his breath.
We sat in my room, my father was sleeping.
"They want you to meet a psychologist in Jerusalem. It 's just a formality, just to verify that you are well. "I reassured her. "You have an appointment next week."
"But what they want from me? "I think I screamed. "I have not done anything." Mom took me a hand and took it to his chest.
"Do not worry, it's just a formality, really. You're right, this is the important thing. "She kissed me on the head and gave me good night.
"Now you tell me? You made me dress that looks like a lady for good, I even put the heels! Now you tell me? "Laughs almost exasperated Rachel, giving him a pat on the back. Amnon pulls out two tickets from his pocket purple.
"Chaim passed me this yesterday." He whispered. "Let's go to the theater." He smiles. "The show is very nice, have all spoken for months, "Rachel takes him by the hand of the carnet for easier reading of the title.
"But is not the title of the book which thou wast given me and I liked so much?" Her voice becomes thin.
"Obviously, yes, silly!" He joked. "Contenta surprise, little sister?" She hugs him and urletta him, imitating the poses of a Japanese cartoon.
"And then sushi! I booked in a very very nice. "
" Ok, Stefania kill me at this point I'm sure. "
" Well, you'll buy something really nice for you to forgive. "
" Definitely. " She replies, taking his arm.
Centodiciannovesimo
day I went to Jerusalem today, Layla has accompanied me to the end, both had to go visit a professor at the university.
The visit was dreary and pointless.
There were many, each with a different team, the Defence Ministry does not want us influence between persons of the same team, I think.
The interview lasted five minutes. There was a woman, the psychologist I think, of uncertain age and the maternal face, but the harsh attitudes. Two soldiers were distracted the company.
They asked me if I was okay now.
I said yes.
They asked me if I think I'm depressed.
I am not.
They asked me if I'm angry.
No. They asked me if I ever tried a death wish.
I lied.
I had no intention of worth that three dismal figures for the truth.
"Amnon?" We turn instinctively, at the beginning of his call and does not recognize the figure that stands out in front. Instinctively look for the eyes of Rachel.
"Do not you remember me?" Amnon decides to scrutinize the man who has just apostrophe and perhaps recognize something familiar in his face.
"Shimon?" Asks doubtfully, with a whisper.
"Of course I am!" Replied the other, approaching too. "I thought you had forgotten me. There are about ten days since we've seen! "Jest another.
"It 's just stoned as usual." Rachel spoke. Shimon does not hide a questioning look.
"Ah, yes. This is my sister, that is my best friend, Rachel. "
" Pleasure. "Smiles the girl, holding out her slender hand to the new knowledge.
"And so at last I know your sister Italian . I've heard so much about you, Rachel. "He says, looking straight into his eyes.
"I do not think I've ever talked to her." Amnon responds with a nota di acidità nella voce.
“Non direttamente, ma te l’ho sentita rammentare. E me ne ha parlato Sarah. Dovresti saperlo bene che questa in fondo è una piccola città.” Scherza.“Piaciuto lo spettacolo?”
“Moltissimo!” commenta eccitata Rachele, sorridendo. “Mi sono emozionata tanto. E poi Amnon sapeva che il libro da cui è stato tratto è uno dei miei preferiti.”
“Sì, il librio è veramente divino. E a te è piaciuto lo spettacolo, Amnon?”
“Sembri un fottuto giornalista. Ti pagano per fare le interviste alla gente dopo lo spettacolo?” risponde con tono stizzito.
“Diciamo che in qualche modo I was here for lvoro and the work, but I'm not doing any interviews. "Shimon Ride. Rachel asks how he can not seem the least bothered by the rude tone of Amnon.
"What do you do?" Asks Rachel, to dissipate the tension.
"I work in a company that organizes cultural events, which is why I managed to get a ticket for tomorrow. And all the while working with the theater of Peace, you know? "
" Cool. Organize promoting events there, too? "Application Amnon, almost shy.
"What! I'm a director. You should come and see us, you know? They tell me it's very good. "
" I'd love to. " He stutters.
"Give me your cell number, so I'll call you when we put on something nice, will you?" Says Amnon your number in a low voice, almost with shame.
"I hope to see you soon!" She says other things, too loud, making a bid to embrace from which Amnon wriggling.
Centoquindicesimo day.
These days have not been very good.
I vented filling my album of drawings in charcoal black.
I've presented at the meeting, I did not want to.
I turned off the phone, I did not hear anyone. I wanted to cry, but I did not succeed.
I turned on the Mac, with the intention to start a drawing with Photoshop and I realized that I had Skype starting automatically.
I called my sister, she was with Stephen. We have been talking a good half hour, I even managed to smile. Stefania
will also this year, two weeks after Rachel, because it must finish the exams.
They are so beautiful together.
When I disconnected, I felt relaxed and went to sleep.
"Who was it who was not shot, my dear, if-not-me-not-tion-are-happy?" Rachel teases him, and are on track to return the car.
"But you say! Shimon is just an acquaintance. "
" Well, I thought a friend was interested. "
"It 's his way of dealing with everyone, on the other hand is a born PR, imagine if there is something behind."
"Do not you told me that he was interested in you, anyway."
"There 'is much to discuss. "
" It seems to me that he esteems you very much. "
" matchmaking gay. "Amnon china eyes.
"In my opinion .."
"But stop, Rachel, please."
"Why? If you say nothing, because you get irritated in this way? And why do you put on the defensive every time you speak? "Amnon's cheeks are reddened.
"I like it!" Rachel screams, coming in the car. "My brother has a secret crush!" The song.
"Do not be silly ... it's a handsome man, that is. Mica'm blind, I'd be lying if I said no. It has a great ass. And it is charismatic and intelligent. "Rachel laughs and beats him on the shoulder.
"And now he has your number."
"What a fool you are. Do you really think you gonna call? "
" Because you would have asked for the number, sorry? "
" Please. Politeness. Or maybe something to ask for Agudah. "
" In this case, as you see in the meetings, he could ask long before the number. You're a hopeless case. "
Centoundicesimo days
Today I stopped in the middle Gal.
I did not want to talk to him, but as usual the emotion took over. Not that it's still in love with him, but I still feel a kind of tenderness.
unjustified, because he treated me badly.
We have taken a beating the night is over, two summers ago.
I found him having sex with another, which is not Nathan.
not remember his name. The
tempestai of punches on his back while he was still no pants. Her friend squeezed my arm around her throat, Gal recovered and told him to let me go.
We had a fight on the sand, smashed the nose, he cracked four ribs me.
From that day I got asthma. And the phobia of sand grains in the nose and ears.
And so today I stopped to ask me how I was. I wanted to laugh, but I did not succeed.
I told him politely and went to look for Sarah.
"Amnon, the night you off the fucking phone?" Rachel mumbled, rubbing his eyes. I'm half past seven on Saturday morning and given the late hour the previous evening, at least another hour of sleep there would have been good.
'Yes, well, so you do not wake up even with the guns. "He mumbled, getting up to get the cell phone him.
screen flashes a sachet. Rachel inadvertently opens the message, his hands trembled.
But now that he is open, you can also take a look ...
"So now you also have my number. I hope you and your friend you had a nice evening. When shall we meet? Hopefully soon. S. "Rachel can not help but smile and can not stay awake by his friend, who is sleeping curled up in a corner of the bed.
"Amnon, wake up!" She whispered.
"What? I'm late again? "He says, barely opening his eyes.
"Look!" Puts in front of the screen the phone. Amnon looks at her blankly.
"So what?" He says, with apathy.
"As" and then "? Amnon, connect those two neurons e.. "
" It will be a crisis of abstinence from sex. "Mutter, thrown back down. "Luckily my sister is still a bit 'here with me." Find her hand and squeezes, almost to hurt her.
"Amnon, is everything ok?" He closes his eyes and not even respond.
Centoseiesimo days
Today I took the car alone for the first time. The doctor was amazed that I had not done before, according to him there are no risks. At
I was afraid not to remember how you did, all that fear of traffic noise.
Then I was spontaneous, and indeed, I was well pleased.
It seemed to regain control of part of my life.
When I got home I called Rachel on Skype and she was so happy to feel relieved and happy!
Rachel is an angel, seriously.
"It does not seem a good idea, you'll be bored to death." He says.
"Why? You know for me it's interesting to see how the LGBT groups working here. And it's a party, it will be fun. "
" I do not think there will be many girls. "
" But I must not look for the mica soul mate! Indeed, fewer women there are, the less I hurt Stephanie. "
" You're always so caring with her. You are always so gracious to everyone. "His gaze falls down again." I thought we could go for a walk on the waterfront ... "
" Explain to me what it is that scares you so much? The fact that it was he who invited to go? "Amnon looks at her with frightened eyes.
"I do not want me to illusions."
"You're a ball."
"No!"
"Yes, you're a paranoid ball. The cases are two: either you are completely cooked and then I do not see why not try, or you do not give a damn and then you'd better tell him in the face. But since I know you well enough, I have good reason to think that this is the first case and you now you're the magic in the making. "
" Do not be so hard. "
" Come here, scemotto. "The consoles her, hugging him tight. "are two of us. If you say or do something that hurts you, just one look and hit the ground running. And you know, when I touch the people I love, really in danger of becoming a beast. "
" I love you when you do that, you know? "
Novantasettesimo day.
're back to get me.
While I slept all became too dark, I choked.
I hear the screams, the smell of blood.
The smell of fear.
I could not wake up.
My mother found me wrapped in blankets, his nose dripping blood and urine-stained sheets.
I wanted to kill myself in shame.
"You came at the end! I'm really happy. "Shimon embraces Rachel as if they had known for years, then tries to embrace Amnon, which retracts. Remain to look into her eyes with embarrassment.
"Do not mind me, you know that is emotionally illiterate." Jest Rachel, being able to dissolve the tension.
"softie you remember, in fact, be in Italy made you sick. Come, I offer you something at the bar. "
Rachel starts talking about politics, how things are going badly in Italy and is happy when his new acquaintance is passionate debate.
"Yes, we should do something more useful than ever shut himself in a golden ghetto."
"They are perfect places agree. Not true, Amnon? "
" Yeah. "Responds distracted him, leaving them without saying anything.
"What's daughters is taken?"
"You ran to the bathroom." Ride Rachel, trying not to worry autoconvincersi
"I do not remember it so strange."
"Me neither." He says, shrugging. "I think that basically has yet to recover. It will take time. "
" Just to clarify I'm fine now. And no one authorize you to make clear my cocks? "Answers reappearing behind him with a drink in hand. "So this conversation is not ending this way and never recovered, thanks. Rachel, let's dance? "Asked tugging his arm.
"Oh, if I decide let alone what I want to dance with you and do not fall into my goals tonight."
"What are you afraid that you exchange for Bait? Look, I know just about everyone here. "
"Actually, you know. You have become a kind of Mr Hide right now. "Points out Shimon. "Let's see if a ball passes the acidity." Proposes him, grabbing him by the shoulders.
"Molly. I do not want to dance with you. "
" I'll find someone else on the dance floor. "
" Come on, Rachel. "Kindly invites. We do a dance to three. "
" Good idea. "Ride her going forward and putting the two bales to the track, the rhythm of the music with his hips.
"Hey, Shmueli, I do not bring your friend?" Asks a big girl tall and big, with good eyes.
"Hey, Avigail!" he cries. "Rachel, this is Avigail, our L-consultant."
"So much pleasure!"
"She comes from Italy, you know"
"Wo, tonight we are international! And how you know this guy? "
" I really friends with this bow here. "
" Oh ... Amnon? Really you? "
" Apparently. "
" Tonight, our friend is a bit 'in bad mood. "
" I understand. Come on Rachel, I can introduce you to the other girls in the group? At least you will not have to listen to talk about dicks for the rest of the evening. "
ninety days.
I decided to take the sleeping pill that I had marked the doctor, even if it makes me a bit 'scared, but my parents are worried about me again, because they see me tired.
I keep repeating to them that all is well, I do not feel anxiety.
I want to go to a psychologist, would serve no purpose.
I do not know if I want to wake up tomorrow morning.
"Well, what do you want from me?" Asked Amnon, Shimon wading in the eye and trying to give his voice a deep tone.
"Right now I want to know you." Replied the other, getting closer.
"Absolutely nothing."
"I do not remember so irritating. I remembered a much more sunny and confident. "
" I am sure. Anyway, life is changed, you know. "Responds, her back to him. "And if I'm going to try let Rachel."
"Rachel will stay with the girls very well ... certainly better than with a bow like you." Amnon turns shooting and glares at him, then he goes on, loading with all the strength and stuck to the wall, near the breaths. Amnon
tries not to lose control, will not give him the satisfaction of making him feel wanted, will not take command of the situation. Contrary to what was expected, Shimon did not push back, or makes an attempt at rebellion when Amnon's greenhouse hands around her wrists and kissed him clumsily, almost violently. Shimon's
puts his hand on his chest where his shirt was left unbuttoned and mentions a caress.
Amnon looks into his eyes for a moment, catch your breath.
"Let's go." He whispered, pointing our eyes to the stairs to the dark room and nearly pulls it up.
Shimon follows him without hesitation, an almost imperceptible smile on the lips of desire. Amnon slams him against the wall and unceremoniously back to kiss him. Shimon strokes his back.
eighty days
Tonight the meeting was very busy, we began to plan the steps to the Gay Pride. I'm surprised he still had ideas and even more surprised that I liked.
Shimon defined it "brilliant" and said they are "charismatic" I suspect that there is not so veiled irony in his exaggerated admiration.
E 'awkward as whenever he has the chance, I do not ever talk when we are alone, ignores me.
Maybe it's the way I look at it, sometimes I find myself on his lips enchant clear and smooth.
I should stop daydreaming.
"Well, this is not exactly the most romantic place" whispers Shimon, away from you with a decided gesture.
"I did not think looking for something romantic. "
" I was looking for you. "Whispers imperceptibly. "Why not go with me?"
"Rachel, I can not leave her alone." He feels guilty for having accused his friend of being a sort of obstacle.
"He'll be fine. From the car keys, I can her home. "
" I do not think it's a good idea, is my guest. "
" Let's go ask him. "Shimon takes him by the hand, squeeze too hard .. They end up downstairs, in a tangle of bodies. Amnon is surprised how the other manages to make his way through the crowd with a single gesture of his head. That author it almost hurts.
"Hey, beautiful!" He jokes, sitting bold among girls. Rachel smiles, eating potato chips along with two other girls.
"Do not tell me you have already come to take me away!" Says Amnon.
"We were thinking of putting a game of pool." Explains another girl.
"Rachel, can I talk for a minute?" She gets up with a quick move and go by. The slips his hand into his pants pocket.
"Is that okay?"
"Do not worry." She says, grabbing the keys and kissing him on the head. "Enjoy."
eighty days
I'm sorry I lost the will to write. The fact is that sometimes seems useless. And that life is so difficult to write every day is like re-wound.
I want to find a place of peace.
out in the club you both feel a bit 'clumsy, Amnon when he finally decides to take control of the situation.
"Where's your car?" She asks, loudly.
"Come." He urged the other, pressing the remote opening.
"That expensive machine." Think aloud the youngest. To break the awkward silence. It's not the phrase has never seemed more out of place.
"To not have wives and children it saves a lot. "Jest Shimon. "Should we stop to buy alcohol? I perhaps have a little house 'wine. "
" I try to stay in decent condition, if possible. "Silence. Shimon I turn on the stereo, the notes of a piano sonata relax in the cockpit.
"Ok, maybe not the right music for an appointment."
"More and more money from two of pop."
Silence again, the music of local and ears still tingle.
Shimon Amnon ago out of the car before you park it perfectly. This time, the youngest decides to avoid unnecessary comments on the luxurious neighborhood.
"You know, I find you beautiful. "Shimon The whispers in the elevator, passing the index of the eyelid in the temple.
Amnon would have the nerve to tell him the same thing, but would sound inappropriate: it is clear that Shimon is beautiful. He decides to kiss him, however, open eyes, hearts in the bottom of the chest.
The apartment is very clean and smells of detergent. Not too many pleasantries Amnon Shimon charge to the wall and kisses him, and hold your forearms, almost to want to crush. The loose pants with enthusiasm.
"It 's so that a soldier is making love?" Whispered the other, biting his ear
seventy days. I went with
Sarah the concert for the Independence Day, we spent a beautiful day with other boys of Agudah. There were also
Gal and Nathan, but diluted with other people made me so bad.
Although everyone seemed to love and I was the only one alone.
Sarah and his girlfriend would find "a good man to marry jew", made me laugh so much because it always uses the same expression that Rachel and Stephanie. Who knows why all this
arouse tenderness in the lesbian, I become attached, and I always want a lot of good.
returned.
I seem to have many mothers and sisters that make me feel protected and pampered.
Perhaps the fact that find love is yet another sign that my heart is now dry and that my stay in this world has only a very short time you have left.
Yet there are times, like today, I feel so alive and I want to smile and sing out loud with others.
"So?"
"So what?"
"How did it go?"
"do you think?" He answered angrily, shrugging his shoulders. "We did not play the Playstation all night here."
"Stupid . Rachele addressed him. "When I see you again?"
"Ah, do not know. Perhaps the next meeting. "
"Do not joke!"
"I'm not kidding."
"But he has your number and you his. We suffer, right? "
" I do not think he has the intention. It's not serious. You can not understand, you are a woman .. perb "the harsh ringing of his cell propagates into the room. Rachel gets up off the couch and puts the phone in front.
"If your item is not crazy, says that a certain" Shimon "is calling you."
sixtieth day. Chaim
Today I went to Haifa to meet a representative of a Palestinian NGO that we would like to build a project box.
I had nausea all the way I threw up and return.
I felt a worm to play the part of the peace.
How can I be a hope for peace, if less than six months ago, fired a gun?
"How long have you been together and now Stephanie?" Amnon asked softly, his arm around her waist. Rachel can not help but smile, noting that his brother is doing the new habit of physical contact and not the more escapes.
"Almost three years." She answered, drawing back a lock of hair from his forehead.
"How did you meet?"
"Amnon, I've told a hundred times." She says patiently, you can not forget you have it.
"We can pretend that I have forgotten, so you tell me again." He whispered. "I like to hear about." He adds with a slight smile. Because really pleases them and gives them hope for a chance to feel as if the two girls are met.
"We were at a concert, both to accompany some friends to a stupid concert of reggae music - which fortunately do not like either of the two-and save us from the boredom we had taken refuge in the bar. She was beautiful, an angel, I knew immediately that it was a princess. "
" Stephen is really a princess. It 's beautiful. That is, you are also beautiful, but yours is a different beauty. You belong to heaven, her to the ground. "He whispered, kissing her cheek." To you design a dress for Cloud, her precious gems. "
" You should really make us a drawing. "Suggests Rachel, but differs from him to pick up a shell on the beach.
"I'm not able to draw beautiful things." Admits with a hint of regret. "I lost all my sweetness, I became like the sand on the sea of Gaza." Her eyes are lost for a moment, the hands that pull the yellow Sleeveless. "Please tell me more about how if you have to kiss the first time."
"Well, we did not your kiss. We were just sharing a drink and our lips were found nearby. "
" I find it very sweet. I wish my lips are close to those of someone. "
" Who? "She asked curiously, coming back.
Centoquarantesimo day.
Today I decided to return to the center. It required much effort. I did not take the car, I preferred the bike.
I do not dare to drive alone and in any case the area of Carmiel is hell in the car.
The seat was as if I had never left, with the same poster, the same relaxed atmosphere and at the same time .. hopefully.
I felt out of place.
"Amnon! Amnon's you! "Sarah shook my strong self, carried the memory of holidays past summer." We had hoped that more would come back. "He shook my hand in his plump. "You have changed your mobile number? I tried to call, but I have never responded. "
I do not want to lie, nor to hurt her, telling her that I wanted to hear. Because I have nothing against her or against friends that I have tried. It 's just that I did not feel ready to return to this world.
He stroked her hair and gave me a kiss on the forehead. Then came the question.
"Now you're a bit 'better?" I asked as I took in the kitchen to offer me something to drink. I nodded with my head and I know you did not believe me at all, and he replied with a smile of compassion.
"It must have been horrible." I whispered, not trying to force me to talk about it. "But the important thing is that now you're back. We will see you here in the middle? "
" Yes. .. There is indeed something I could do in particular? Unfortunately I do not think being able to do psychological counseling, right now. "I admitted and die in that moment I felt a part of me again. Because for me it was important to be able to help others, as it was for me I was a kid have someone to reassure me and make me feel normal and loved.
"How would you like to join the organizing committee? You have always been very good at keeping relationships with various institutions and speaks good English and Italian, this could be very useful. "I propose. "It's not too challenging, a couple of meetings a week, for up to an hour."
"Do not you think other members will get angry? In recent years I have not done much here .. "I said.
"But we all know that study abroad and summer are always returned to help out. Indeed, it is a pleasure to have you back among us. "I said, pouring a little 'juice.
"Thanks."
Centotrentacinquesimo days
Lately he spends his nights reading or drawing, without being able to sleep. The fact is that I'm used to sleeping during the day so that I can not resume a normal rhythm. Or maybe I just slept too much during the illness and now my body does not want it most.
My soul refuses to rest, even when my body would need it: so I fall asleep at work or at the table.
My mother sent me to the doctor, but the only thing he knew the signs are sleeping pills, I do not want to take, at least for now.
Tonight was embarrassing. I went to the Center for my second organizational meeting. No one welcomed me wrong, even if all they look at me like I was a survivor .
Maybe you were really there.
However, it is because I feel miserable that I want to talk, because I just write it hurts too much.
I was pathetic.
After the meeting I got an attack of sleep, her head began to turn around wildly. I rested my head on the table, her arms. I think I fell asleep for a few minutes.
I heard voices approaching and I recognized those of Shimon and Gad. They sat next to me and I opened my eyes.
Shimon I placed a can of cold coffee in front.
"I He knows you're asleep. "I said, half smiling, perhaps in derision. I grabbed the can and I waited, thinking that I wanted to say something, but continued to talk to Gad, ignoring me.
I left my drink cans, without saying anything.
The day slips away better than it was begun.
Eventually they returned to the desert, heading towards the Dead Sea.
"Come on!" Amnon teases, taking off his shirt and ammonicchiandola over their backpacks. Fell on a beach less crowded and more difficult to achieve, hoping to enjoy greater peace of mind, but obviously there are people there too. Rachel stroked his bare chest and tickles:
"You're smoother than me, it's not just this thing," she protested.
"Eh, but I bet that made me feel bad I wax on his chest that you legs!" He exclaims.
"And who does the waxing legs?" She laughs in his face. "Mica masochist like you are!" She takes off her light dress, her brother is one of the few men who do not embarrass.
"How hot is that!" Protest.
"So I take a bath! Now we're here. "He exclaimed, smiling and holding hands dragging in the water. Rachel slips on him, the palms of bad feet that stand on slippery ground. Amnon usually greets her in a hug and caresses her hair.
An old lady looks at them from afar, laughing, perhaps mistaking them for an engaged couple.
"Burn!" Protested the girl.
"Yes, it burns. But does it well. You'll be glad when he comes here as your Stefania. "The whispers in his ear. Rachel relaxes a bit 'and extends over the water, closing his eyes and trying to listen to the music of the strange sea.
He gets up when hit by a bullet feels slimy and mushy.
"Are you nuts?" Rachel is incredulous when she sees him become covered with mud.
"Look that's good. Everybody does. "He proclaims.
"To me it sucks. And I do not care if they do it all! "She said, before being hit by another ball of mud." Take that, then! "He says, bending down and putting a hand in the mud. They end up as a battle, smeared like two children.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but now it is better to wash in and out." He whispered, trying to clean up. Rachel, have good cleaning, runs a hand gently on her face, removing the mud left hairline.
Centotrentaduesimo day.
Gad I hate it. I'm almost sure. He treats me like I'm an idiot, every time. No wonder, is the cousin of Nathan, the new boyfriend of Gal. Who knows what's
Gal has spoken ill of me. In fact, probably not needed, we will have already thought Nathan.
It 's normal that a former boyfriend speak evil of his current love.
Gal and I we've been together for six years, six long years.
We were an exception, because we were very young. He was the first man with whom I made love.
The only one I loved.
But unfortunately he did not love me enough ... and I have not done enough to keep him beside me. Nathan
At least now I make you happy.
E 'beautiful Nathan, and Gad resemble him. Same tanned skin, same-colored eyes and red lips coal fire.
Gad is higher. It is fifteen years older. It is muscular and athletic.
I am a bit 'scared.
I do not know if he and Shmueli are together, they are always near you. Shmueli
And every time he speaks to me as if I felt the gaze of the other fire.
But why should I be jealous? Shmueli just trying to treat me like a human being, not as a case study.
Or maybe, as usual, I find myself in the middle of some games that do not understand.
They chose a trip to Galilee, to see a little 'green and enjoy a little' shadow.
It 'nice to see how the landscape is smooth and in some way to rock the sight and mind. One of their mutual friend is waiting for them for lunch at Kibbutz Golam.
"I thought tonight we could go to feel a little 'music." Amnon It offers, turning down the volume on your stereo.
"What music? Look, another night of techno and do crazy. I swear. "Rachel laughs, biting her nails.
"No, no ... I meant music-music. "he laughs." I confess that if I do not make at least a couple of glasses of vodka, I can not stand quell'accozzaglia sounds even me. "
" not to belittle, sweetie darling. "she said." But I always suspected. "
" In my defense, Your Honor, I only say that a concert is very difficult to grasp pretty boys. "The mocks, imitating the perfect tone of a defendant.
"against him, Mr. accused, a witness to call myself that .." Rachel burst out laughing before you even finish: Amnon knows very well that she met Stephen at a concert.
"But you women are different. If you like women, not men look at a singer. And if the singer is a woman, well ... just criticizes both the defects. We see that gay jerks we are, if the singer is a woman groan fascinated because we want to be like her, if the singer is a man we drooled over ... and then we lose the possibility of finding the soul sister in the audience! "
" I always said that the males are a category in the evolutionary ladder! "
Centoventisettesimo days
Today Sarah gave me a surprise and came to get me to work.
"Let's go for a walk in Sheinkin Street? It 'so that we do a good chat and me alone. "I brought embracing. I love the scent of baby powder and milk.
wore a blue flowered dress that was fine with her blond hair and his freckled skin.
puts me joy.
We went for a ride, we stopped for a coffee.
"Rachel, how are you? She graduated? " he asked.
"Yes, I missed her graduation once again .. But this summer will find me, my star. I miss her. "I said.
"I think being a bit 'with her you will do well." She smiled at me, put a little' uncomfortable.
"You must still follow many therapies?" He asked me, to surprise him.
"Not too much, just some medication." I replied. "But it seems that my liver is better now." I tried to sound reassuring.
"It 's funny how you say that part of your body is better." He noted. "Like you, as a person, not themselves really well."
Then we talked about other things, but this sentence struck me like a fist.
Chaim awaits them in the parking lot and greets them with enthusiasm.
fifty years and has more energy than a person of twenty, always around the globe in search of something worth seeing. " He speaks six languages and when one does not know of a place makes up for with an explanatory gesture.
asks Rachel how is his family and why are not they too came to Israel this summer, then kindly invites you to enter the village.
"Since today is not too hot, we decided to lay off." Amnon takes a little 'aside, letting the breeze caress face.
Rita, the wife of Chaim, prepared vegetables of all kinds because of summer "to those who are going to eat meat?".
"Your father told me that next year will work in the United States." Comment Chaim, Rachel, extending to a piece of bread.
"Yes," she blushes. "They offered me a good contract." From the smile that lights up his face so well reflected in his enthusiasm. "I can not wait, I see a piece of the world do not know. "
" I'm sure you'll be fine. Then you do not have problems with English ... and also if we do not start at your age, when should I do? " reassures the man.
"Even our older son is away, he left for India after the military, four months is out." Comments Rita, leaving no leak nostalgia.
"I know some of my fellow soldiers who have done after the draft, seems to be a pretty popular destination." Try to interact Amnon, which so far has not said a word.
"There's something wrong, boy? You have not eaten hardly anything. "Chaim Comment." Usually you frighten wolves. "
" I drank too much last night, I still have stomach upset, sorry. "Justified, dropping his eyes. The silence leaves space
AFA slow to noise and haze of the afternoon.
"By the way, we are planning a good initiative with the Palestinian NGO we work with often." The Rita says, trying to awaken his attention.
The couple are in fact the promoters of the association that works Amnon.
"We are writing a collection of fairy tales Palestinian and Israeli, to be translated into two languages. We would like to make a picture book with which to finance our activities and the most beautiful we would like to put on stage at the Theatre of Peace Jafo. There seems to be a good idea? "Says Chaim, eyes that are clear as glass.
"It seems to me beautiful. It would be nice to also read them children in schools. "Rachel smiled, trying to see before him an idyllic scene where children who normally do not even look at her face listen spellbound reading accompanied by mimes.
"I thought you could explain, you have always been very good at drawing." Chaim explains Amnon laying the table with a sad expression indefinitely.
"It 'so I do not take more than a pencil in hand, I do not think being able to scribble something decent." He muttered, lost.
"But the last thing you did with the computer were very beautiful. Even something like that would be fine. "Argues Rita, looking puzzled.
Centoventitreesimo day.
When I came back my mother was waiting up, weird thing, because when I get back to Agudah late and she's waiting for me ever. I do not have fifteen years.
"It 's something wrong?" I asked.
"Today we received a phone call from the ministry, you were looking for." I said, looking dark. I do not know why, but my heart took a beating too hard and I felt cut off his breath.
We sat in my room, my father was sleeping.
"They want you to meet a psychologist in Jerusalem. It 's just a formality, just to verify that you are well. "I reassured her. "You have an appointment next week."
"But what they want from me? "I think I screamed. "I have not done anything." Mom took me a hand and took it to his chest.
"Do not worry, it's just a formality, really. You're right, this is the important thing. "She kissed me on the head and gave me good night.
"Now you tell me? You made me dress that looks like a lady for good, I even put the heels! Now you tell me? "Laughs almost exasperated Rachel, giving him a pat on the back. Amnon pulls out two tickets from his pocket purple.
"Chaim passed me this yesterday." He whispered. "Let's go to the theater." He smiles. "The show is very nice, have all spoken for months, "Rachel takes him by the hand of the carnet for easier reading of the title.
"But is not the title of the book which thou wast given me and I liked so much?" Her voice becomes thin.
"Obviously, yes, silly!" He joked. "Contenta surprise, little sister?" She hugs him and urletta him, imitating the poses of a Japanese cartoon.
"And then sushi! I booked in a very very nice. "
" Ok, Stefania kill me at this point I'm sure. "
" Well, you'll buy something really nice for you to forgive. "
" Definitely. " She replies, taking his arm.
Centodiciannovesimo
day I went to Jerusalem today, Layla has accompanied me to the end, both had to go visit a professor at the university.
The visit was dreary and pointless.
There were many, each with a different team, the Defence Ministry does not want us influence between persons of the same team, I think.
The interview lasted five minutes. There was a woman, the psychologist I think, of uncertain age and the maternal face, but the harsh attitudes. Two soldiers were distracted the company.
They asked me if I was okay now.
I said yes.
They asked me if I think I'm depressed.
I am not.
They asked me if I'm angry.
No. They asked me if I ever tried a death wish.
I lied.
I had no intention of worth that three dismal figures for the truth.
"Amnon?" We turn instinctively, at the beginning of his call and does not recognize the figure that stands out in front. Instinctively look for the eyes of Rachel.
"Do not you remember me?" Amnon decides to scrutinize the man who has just apostrophe and perhaps recognize something familiar in his face.
"Shimon?" Asks doubtfully, with a whisper.
"Of course I am!" Replied the other, approaching too. "I thought you had forgotten me. There are about ten days since we've seen! "Jest another.
"It 's just stoned as usual." Rachel spoke. Shimon does not hide a questioning look.
"Ah, yes. This is my sister, that is my best friend, Rachel. "
" Pleasure. "Smiles the girl, holding out her slender hand to the new knowledge.
"And so at last I know your sister Italian . I've heard so much about you, Rachel. "He says, looking straight into his eyes.
"I do not think I've ever talked to her." Amnon responds with a nota di acidità nella voce.
“Non direttamente, ma te l’ho sentita rammentare. E me ne ha parlato Sarah. Dovresti saperlo bene che questa in fondo è una piccola città.” Scherza.“Piaciuto lo spettacolo?”
“Moltissimo!” commenta eccitata Rachele, sorridendo. “Mi sono emozionata tanto. E poi Amnon sapeva che il libro da cui è stato tratto è uno dei miei preferiti.”
“Sì, il librio è veramente divino. E a te è piaciuto lo spettacolo, Amnon?”
“Sembri un fottuto giornalista. Ti pagano per fare le interviste alla gente dopo lo spettacolo?” risponde con tono stizzito.
“Diciamo che in qualche modo I was here for lvoro and the work, but I'm not doing any interviews. "Shimon Ride. Rachel asks how he can not seem the least bothered by the rude tone of Amnon.
"What do you do?" Asks Rachel, to dissipate the tension.
"I work in a company that organizes cultural events, which is why I managed to get a ticket for tomorrow. And all the while working with the theater of Peace, you know? "
" Cool. Organize promoting events there, too? "Application Amnon, almost shy.
"What! I'm a director. You should come and see us, you know? They tell me it's very good. "
" I'd love to. " He stutters.
"Give me your cell number, so I'll call you when we put on something nice, will you?" Says Amnon your number in a low voice, almost with shame.
"I hope to see you soon!" She says other things, too loud, making a bid to embrace from which Amnon wriggling.
Centoquindicesimo day.
These days have not been very good.
I vented filling my album of drawings in charcoal black.
I've presented at the meeting, I did not want to.
I turned off the phone, I did not hear anyone. I wanted to cry, but I did not succeed.
I turned on the Mac, with the intention to start a drawing with Photoshop and I realized that I had Skype starting automatically.
I called my sister, she was with Stephen. We have been talking a good half hour, I even managed to smile. Stefania
will also this year, two weeks after Rachel, because it must finish the exams.
They are so beautiful together.
When I disconnected, I felt relaxed and went to sleep.
"Who was it who was not shot, my dear, if-not-me-not-tion-are-happy?" Rachel teases him, and are on track to return the car.
"But you say! Shimon is just an acquaintance. "
" Well, I thought a friend was interested. "
"It 's his way of dealing with everyone, on the other hand is a born PR, imagine if there is something behind."
"Do not you told me that he was interested in you, anyway."
"There 'is much to discuss. "
" It seems to me that he esteems you very much. "
" matchmaking gay. "Amnon china eyes.
"In my opinion .."
"But stop, Rachel, please."
"Why? If you say nothing, because you get irritated in this way? And why do you put on the defensive every time you speak? "Amnon's cheeks are reddened.
"I like it!" Rachel screams, coming in the car. "My brother has a secret crush!" The song.
"Do not be silly ... it's a handsome man, that is. Mica'm blind, I'd be lying if I said no. It has a great ass. And it is charismatic and intelligent. "Rachel laughs and beats him on the shoulder.
"And now he has your number."
"What a fool you are. Do you really think you gonna call? "
" Because you would have asked for the number, sorry? "
" Please. Politeness. Or maybe something to ask for Agudah. "
" In this case, as you see in the meetings, he could ask long before the number. You're a hopeless case. "
Centoundicesimo days
Today I stopped in the middle Gal.
I did not want to talk to him, but as usual the emotion took over. Not that it's still in love with him, but I still feel a kind of tenderness.
unjustified, because he treated me badly.
We have taken a beating the night is over, two summers ago.
I found him having sex with another, which is not Nathan.
not remember his name. The
tempestai of punches on his back while he was still no pants. Her friend squeezed my arm around her throat, Gal recovered and told him to let me go.
We had a fight on the sand, smashed the nose, he cracked four ribs me.
From that day I got asthma. And the phobia of sand grains in the nose and ears.
And so today I stopped to ask me how I was. I wanted to laugh, but I did not succeed.
I told him politely and went to look for Sarah.
"Amnon, the night you off the fucking phone?" Rachel mumbled, rubbing his eyes. I'm half past seven on Saturday morning and given the late hour the previous evening, at least another hour of sleep there would have been good.
'Yes, well, so you do not wake up even with the guns. "He mumbled, getting up to get the cell phone him.
screen flashes a sachet. Rachel inadvertently opens the message, his hands trembled.
But now that he is open, you can also take a look ...
"So now you also have my number. I hope you and your friend you had a nice evening. When shall we meet? Hopefully soon. S. "Rachel can not help but smile and can not stay awake by his friend, who is sleeping curled up in a corner of the bed.
"Amnon, wake up!" She whispered.
"What? I'm late again? "He says, barely opening his eyes.
"Look!" Puts in front of the screen the phone. Amnon looks at her blankly.
"So what?" He says, with apathy.
"As" and then "? Amnon, connect those two neurons e.. "
" It will be a crisis of abstinence from sex. "Mutter, thrown back down. "Luckily my sister is still a bit 'here with me." Find her hand and squeezes, almost to hurt her.
"Amnon, is everything ok?" He closes his eyes and not even respond.
Centoseiesimo days
Today I took the car alone for the first time. The doctor was amazed that I had not done before, according to him there are no risks. At
I was afraid not to remember how you did, all that fear of traffic noise.
Then I was spontaneous, and indeed, I was well pleased.
It seemed to regain control of part of my life.
When I got home I called Rachel on Skype and she was so happy to feel relieved and happy!
Rachel is an angel, seriously.
"It does not seem a good idea, you'll be bored to death." He says.
"Why? You know for me it's interesting to see how the LGBT groups working here. And it's a party, it will be fun. "
" I do not think there will be many girls. "
" But I must not look for the mica soul mate! Indeed, fewer women there are, the less I hurt Stephanie. "
" You're always so caring with her. You are always so gracious to everyone. "His gaze falls down again." I thought we could go for a walk on the waterfront ... "
" Explain to me what it is that scares you so much? The fact that it was he who invited to go? "Amnon looks at her with frightened eyes.
"I do not want me to illusions."
"You're a ball."
"No!"
"Yes, you're a paranoid ball. The cases are two: either you are completely cooked and then I do not see why not try, or you do not give a damn and then you'd better tell him in the face. But since I know you well enough, I have good reason to think that this is the first case and you now you're the magic in the making. "
" Do not be so hard. "
" Come here, scemotto. "The consoles her, hugging him tight. "are two of us. If you say or do something that hurts you, just one look and hit the ground running. And you know, when I touch the people I love, really in danger of becoming a beast. "
" I love you when you do that, you know? "
Novantasettesimo day.
're back to get me.
While I slept all became too dark, I choked.
I hear the screams, the smell of blood.
The smell of fear.
I could not wake up.
My mother found me wrapped in blankets, his nose dripping blood and urine-stained sheets.
I wanted to kill myself in shame.
"You came at the end! I'm really happy. "Shimon embraces Rachel as if they had known for years, then tries to embrace Amnon, which retracts. Remain to look into her eyes with embarrassment.
"Do not mind me, you know that is emotionally illiterate." Jest Rachel, being able to dissolve the tension.
"softie you remember, in fact, be in Italy made you sick. Come, I offer you something at the bar. "
Rachel starts talking about politics, how things are going badly in Italy and is happy when his new acquaintance is passionate debate.
"Yes, we should do something more useful than ever shut himself in a golden ghetto."
"They are perfect places agree. Not true, Amnon? "
" Yeah. "Responds distracted him, leaving them without saying anything.
"What's daughters is taken?"
"You ran to the bathroom." Ride Rachel, trying not to worry autoconvincersi
"I do not remember it so strange."
"Me neither." He says, shrugging. "I think that basically has yet to recover. It will take time. "
" Just to clarify I'm fine now. And no one authorize you to make clear my cocks? "Answers reappearing behind him with a drink in hand. "So this conversation is not ending this way and never recovered, thanks. Rachel, let's dance? "Asked tugging his arm.
"Oh, if I decide let alone what I want to dance with you and do not fall into my goals tonight."
"What are you afraid that you exchange for Bait? Look, I know just about everyone here. "
"Actually, you know. You have become a kind of Mr Hide right now. "Points out Shimon. "Let's see if a ball passes the acidity." Proposes him, grabbing him by the shoulders.
"Molly. I do not want to dance with you. "
" I'll find someone else on the dance floor. "
" Come on, Rachel. "Kindly invites. We do a dance to three. "
" Good idea. "Ride her going forward and putting the two bales to the track, the rhythm of the music with his hips.
"Hey, Shmueli, I do not bring your friend?" Asks a big girl tall and big, with good eyes.
"Hey, Avigail!" he cries. "Rachel, this is Avigail, our L-consultant."
"So much pleasure!"
"She comes from Italy, you know"
"Wo, tonight we are international! And how you know this guy? "
" I really friends with this bow here. "
" Oh ... Amnon? Really you? "
" Apparently. "
" Tonight, our friend is a bit 'in bad mood. "
" I understand. Come on Rachel, I can introduce you to the other girls in the group? At least you will not have to listen to talk about dicks for the rest of the evening. "
ninety days.
I decided to take the sleeping pill that I had marked the doctor, even if it makes me a bit 'scared, but my parents are worried about me again, because they see me tired.
I keep repeating to them that all is well, I do not feel anxiety.
I want to go to a psychologist, would serve no purpose.
I do not know if I want to wake up tomorrow morning.
"Well, what do you want from me?" Asked Amnon, Shimon wading in the eye and trying to give his voice a deep tone.
"Right now I want to know you." Replied the other, getting closer.
"Absolutely nothing."
"I do not remember so irritating. I remembered a much more sunny and confident. "
" I am sure. Anyway, life is changed, you know. "Responds, her back to him. "And if I'm going to try let Rachel."
"Rachel will stay with the girls very well ... certainly better than with a bow like you." Amnon turns shooting and glares at him, then he goes on, loading with all the strength and stuck to the wall, near the breaths. Amnon
tries not to lose control, will not give him the satisfaction of making him feel wanted, will not take command of the situation. Contrary to what was expected, Shimon did not push back, or makes an attempt at rebellion when Amnon's greenhouse hands around her wrists and kissed him clumsily, almost violently. Shimon's
puts his hand on his chest where his shirt was left unbuttoned and mentions a caress.
Amnon looks into his eyes for a moment, catch your breath.
"Let's go." He whispered, pointing our eyes to the stairs to the dark room and nearly pulls it up.
Shimon follows him without hesitation, an almost imperceptible smile on the lips of desire. Amnon slams him against the wall and unceremoniously back to kiss him. Shimon strokes his back.
eighty days
Tonight the meeting was very busy, we began to plan the steps to the Gay Pride. I'm surprised he still had ideas and even more surprised that I liked.
Shimon defined it "brilliant" and said they are "charismatic" I suspect that there is not so veiled irony in his exaggerated admiration.
E 'awkward as whenever he has the chance, I do not ever talk when we are alone, ignores me.
Maybe it's the way I look at it, sometimes I find myself on his lips enchant clear and smooth.
I should stop daydreaming.
"Well, this is not exactly the most romantic place" whispers Shimon, away from you with a decided gesture.
"I did not think looking for something romantic. "
" I was looking for you. "Whispers imperceptibly. "Why not go with me?"
"Rachel, I can not leave her alone." He feels guilty for having accused his friend of being a sort of obstacle.
"He'll be fine. From the car keys, I can her home. "
" I do not think it's a good idea, is my guest. "
" Let's go ask him. "Shimon takes him by the hand, squeeze too hard .. They end up downstairs, in a tangle of bodies. Amnon is surprised how the other manages to make his way through the crowd with a single gesture of his head. That author it almost hurts.
"Hey, beautiful!" He jokes, sitting bold among girls. Rachel smiles, eating potato chips along with two other girls.
"Do not tell me you have already come to take me away!" Says Amnon.
"We were thinking of putting a game of pool." Explains another girl.
"Rachel, can I talk for a minute?" She gets up with a quick move and go by. The slips his hand into his pants pocket.
"Is that okay?"
"Do not worry." She says, grabbing the keys and kissing him on the head. "Enjoy."
eighty days
I'm sorry I lost the will to write. The fact is that sometimes seems useless. And that life is so difficult to write every day is like re-wound.
I want to find a place of peace.
out in the club you both feel a bit 'clumsy, Amnon when he finally decides to take control of the situation.
"Where's your car?" She asks, loudly.
"Come." He urged the other, pressing the remote opening.
"That expensive machine." Think aloud the youngest. To break the awkward silence. It's not the phrase has never seemed more out of place.
"To not have wives and children it saves a lot. "Jest Shimon. "Should we stop to buy alcohol? I perhaps have a little house 'wine. "
" I try to stay in decent condition, if possible. "Silence. Shimon I turn on the stereo, the notes of a piano sonata relax in the cockpit.
"Ok, maybe not the right music for an appointment."
"More and more money from two of pop."
Silence again, the music of local and ears still tingle.
Shimon Amnon ago out of the car before you park it perfectly. This time, the youngest decides to avoid unnecessary comments on the luxurious neighborhood.
"You know, I find you beautiful. "Shimon The whispers in the elevator, passing the index of the eyelid in the temple.
Amnon would have the nerve to tell him the same thing, but would sound inappropriate: it is clear that Shimon is beautiful. He decides to kiss him, however, open eyes, hearts in the bottom of the chest.
The apartment is very clean and smells of detergent. Not too many pleasantries Amnon Shimon charge to the wall and kisses him, and hold your forearms, almost to want to crush. The loose pants with enthusiasm.
"It 's so that a soldier is making love?" Whispered the other, biting his ear
seventy days. I went with
Sarah the concert for the Independence Day, we spent a beautiful day with other boys of Agudah. There were also
Gal and Nathan, but diluted with other people made me so bad.
Although everyone seemed to love and I was the only one alone.
Sarah and his girlfriend would find "a good man to marry jew", made me laugh so much because it always uses the same expression that Rachel and Stephanie. Who knows why all this
arouse tenderness in the lesbian, I become attached, and I always want a lot of good.
returned.
I seem to have many mothers and sisters that make me feel protected and pampered.
Perhaps the fact that find love is yet another sign that my heart is now dry and that my stay in this world has only a very short time you have left.
Yet there are times, like today, I feel so alive and I want to smile and sing out loud with others.
"So?"
"So what?"
"How did it go?"
"do you think?" He answered angrily, shrugging his shoulders. "We did not play the Playstation all night here."
"Stupid . Rachele addressed him. "When I see you again?"
"Ah, do not know. Perhaps the next meeting. "
"Do not joke!"
"I'm not kidding."
"But he has your number and you his. We suffer, right? "
" I do not think he has the intention. It's not serious. You can not understand, you are a woman .. perb "the harsh ringing of his cell propagates into the room. Rachel gets up off the couch and puts the phone in front.
"If your item is not crazy, says that a certain" Shimon "is calling you."
sixtieth day. Chaim
Today I went to Haifa to meet a representative of a Palestinian NGO that we would like to build a project box.
I had nausea all the way I threw up and return.
I felt a worm to play the part of the peace.
How can I be a hope for peace, if less than six months ago, fired a gun?
Monday, January 4, 2010
What Does Rubbing Alcohol Kill
Storm [Original] The Congress of Befane
Prompt: @ n.59 of the Criticombola Criticón + Epiphany Challenge @ Fanworld
Genre: Comedy
Beta: Margi \u0026lt;3
January 5, 2009 Millions of little women with broom, a hooked nose and torn clothes are preparing to leave this evening or coal candy in all the houses in the world.
What?
Do you really think that there was only one Befana? And this event was able to go in one night all the houses in the world?
Poor deluded.
La Befana is a very complicated gimmick, an international UN's largest and most efficient of any secret service.
His heart is the Congress of the Epiphany, which takes place three months before the Epiphany, in very exceptional cases, we will take a look.
three months ago.
The conference always takes place in the Scope of the Service Center, a huge building shaped like a sock place somewhere near the North Pole, including reindeer for Christmas and the workshop of Santa's elves.
E 'Befane here that are found all together.
How exactly are none, except the Spirit of the Great Befanona or atavistic Befana (a being of age and by nature unknowable and unspeakable) can know.
for sure all sit in their seats in the classroom.
On the starboard side of the room sit the witches of reform, those who want an equal distribution of the sweetness in all the stockings of the world and would like to abolish the practice of letting dull coal (sweet or bitter) which in addition to disappoint young and old, dirty irretrievably stockings, causing significant environmental damage and forcing the Flyers to work in conditions of carbon sub-follettiane.
This deployment was very strong in the past, but now is declining because of internal strife (caused, according to the rumors put about by Befane conservatories, excessive consumption of sugar).
In the classroom in the form of the dreaded foot sit instead Befane conservative, whose slogan says it all already "more coal for all."
will not be the most popular, but certainly enjoy the support of the Coal Lobby. We follow now in direct
a session of Congress, carefully recorded by the Institute moon.
"Welcome sir .. nth Congress" began the Secretary General.
"I protest! Lord is a generic term and offensive, as many here are proud of the single and never would be called sir, because this would increase the monstrous effect that the witch is subject to the condition of the wife of Santa Claus. "Intervened the Befana Minister of Equal Opportunities .
"Ok, ok. Welcome, ladies and gentleman to the nth Congress ... "began the Secretary General, a little 'irritated.
"" I protest! I assistit * * * except that I strongly feel using only categories referring to the two kinds! And according to the Equal Opportunities Commission of the use of this language violates the Rules voted. " Intervened Delegate for Equal Opportunities of the Epiphany *.
"Ok, ok .. You who are here in the name of the Epiphany, thanks. We begin the work of the annual Congress. I call to report to the commission for Socks. "He continued the Secretary General.
"The situation is tragic, my dear fellow ..." began the spokesman of the commission.
"But no one hears me! I just said that .. "but the T-Befana was silenced by blows of sticks of sugar from her neighbor.
"We were saying, the situation is very tragic. We had to repair a thousand, a thousand you realize?, Stockings of witch. "
" And you have repaired? "
"Of course, this commission is just that."
"Excuse me, Speaker, if I raise this objection, but because the situation would be tragic ?"
"But it is elementary, because due to this superhuman effort I and my colleagues we could not enjoy our full months off, something in itself very serious, and even two of our colleagues have pointed with knitting needles, thus violating the integrity of the sacred body befanesco "
Murmurs in the room.
"And what about the Claim for Injuries from broom? This seems to me far more important to your knitting needle pricks! "Thundered the Group representative for the victims of the Congressional purpose. "The Congress had promised us funds, adhesive bandages of cotton candy that never arrived!"
"But without our valuable mending the witches could no longer do its job!" thundered the Spokesman of the Commission.
"And why do not we talk about Befane testatrix? No one ever thinks of those poor women who have tasted the sweets of prototypes and at risk of indigestion and life to try those plasters, "said another Befana teeth blacks.
"Our desserts are not prototypes of plasters! Do not allow apostrophes in this way! Toned down and have respect Befane for kitchen work, "shrieked the Secretary of Befane cooks, considered an extremist wing of reform, with a reputation as a terrorist because of his biscuit-shaped comet , whose sharp edges could harm the gums .
The quarrel soon degenerated into a real scuffle, some Befane began to insult each other, giving himself the "Blue Fairy", the "goose blonde" and even - something unheard-of "tissue".
confetti flew, pieces of coal, candy filled (pericolosissime!), while the team of crunchy nougat prepared makeshift shields. Useless
were the clanging Secretary General, who was forced to make use of the Epiphany Minister of Defense, who rhubarb crunch candy in a corner.
"You can do something to restore order?" He asked.
"Do not you see I'm busy making plans against the Kings? Or do you want the children in fits only receive gold, incense and myrrh ? "
The Secretary General is altered and furiously began to play the huge bell of chocolate from high shriek, which heralded the extreme measures. All
Befane is silenced by a stroke. The Secretary General was really going to take that decision?
"Go well ladies and gentlemen, * witches of all kinds, if you make silence, we will vote for the measure now the rise of the witch salary. "
So magically the Secretary General with the terrible weapon restore peace, harmony and Silence in Congress, like every year.
Prompt: @ n.59 of the Criticombola Criticón + Epiphany Challenge @ Fanworld
Genre: Comedy
Beta: Margi \u0026lt;3
January 5, 2009 Millions of little women with broom, a hooked nose and torn clothes are preparing to leave this evening or coal candy in all the houses in the world.
What?
Do you really think that there was only one Befana? And this event was able to go in one night all the houses in the world?
Poor deluded.
La Befana is a very complicated gimmick, an international UN's largest and most efficient of any secret service.
His heart is the Congress of the Epiphany, which takes place three months before the Epiphany, in very exceptional cases, we will take a look.
three months ago.
The conference always takes place in the Scope of the Service Center, a huge building shaped like a sock place somewhere near the North Pole, including reindeer for Christmas and the workshop of Santa's elves.
E 'Befane here that are found all together.
How exactly are none, except the Spirit of the Great Befanona or atavistic Befana (a being of age and by nature unknowable and unspeakable) can know.
for sure all sit in their seats in the classroom.
On the starboard side of the room sit the witches of reform, those who want an equal distribution of the sweetness in all the stockings of the world and would like to abolish the practice of letting dull coal (sweet or bitter) which in addition to disappoint young and old, dirty irretrievably stockings, causing significant environmental damage and forcing the Flyers to work in conditions of carbon sub-follettiane.
This deployment was very strong in the past, but now is declining because of internal strife (caused, according to the rumors put about by Befane conservatories, excessive consumption of sugar).
In the classroom in the form of the dreaded foot sit instead Befane conservative, whose slogan says it all already "more coal for all."
will not be the most popular, but certainly enjoy the support of the Coal Lobby. We follow now in direct
a session of Congress, carefully recorded by the Institute moon.
"Welcome sir .. nth Congress" began the Secretary General.
"I protest! Lord is a generic term and offensive, as many here are proud of the single and never would be called sir, because this would increase the monstrous effect that the witch is subject to the condition of the wife of Santa Claus. "Intervened the Befana Minister of Equal Opportunities .
"Ok, ok. Welcome, ladies and gentleman to the nth Congress ... "began the Secretary General, a little 'irritated.
"" I protest! I assistit * * * except that I strongly feel using only categories referring to the two kinds! And according to the Equal Opportunities Commission of the use of this language violates the Rules voted. " Intervened Delegate for Equal Opportunities of the Epiphany *.
"Ok, ok .. You who are here in the name of the Epiphany, thanks. We begin the work of the annual Congress. I call to report to the commission for Socks. "He continued the Secretary General.
"The situation is tragic, my dear fellow ..." began the spokesman of the commission.
"But no one hears me! I just said that .. "but the T-Befana was silenced by blows of sticks of sugar from her neighbor.
"We were saying, the situation is very tragic. We had to repair a thousand, a thousand you realize?, Stockings of witch. "
" And you have repaired? "
"Of course, this commission is just that."
"Excuse me, Speaker, if I raise this objection, but because the situation would be tragic ?"
"But it is elementary, because due to this superhuman effort I and my colleagues we could not enjoy our full months off, something in itself very serious, and even two of our colleagues have pointed with knitting needles, thus violating the integrity of the sacred body befanesco "
Murmurs in the room.
"And what about the Claim for Injuries from broom? This seems to me far more important to your knitting needle pricks! "Thundered the Group representative for the victims of the Congressional purpose. "The Congress had promised us funds, adhesive bandages of cotton candy that never arrived!"
"But without our valuable mending the witches could no longer do its job!" thundered the Spokesman of the Commission.
"And why do not we talk about Befane testatrix? No one ever thinks of those poor women who have tasted the sweets of prototypes and at risk of indigestion and life to try those plasters, "said another Befana teeth blacks.
"Our desserts are not prototypes of plasters! Do not allow apostrophes in this way! Toned down and have respect Befane for kitchen work, "shrieked the Secretary of Befane cooks, considered an extremist wing of reform, with a reputation as a terrorist because of his biscuit-shaped comet , whose sharp edges could harm the gums .
The quarrel soon degenerated into a real scuffle, some Befane began to insult each other, giving himself the "Blue Fairy", the "goose blonde" and even - something unheard-of "tissue".
confetti flew, pieces of coal, candy filled (pericolosissime!), while the team of crunchy nougat prepared makeshift shields. Useless
were the clanging Secretary General, who was forced to make use of the Epiphany Minister of Defense, who rhubarb crunch candy in a corner.
"You can do something to restore order?" He asked.
"Do not you see I'm busy making plans against the Kings? Or do you want the children in fits only receive gold, incense and myrrh ? "
The Secretary General is altered and furiously began to play the huge bell of chocolate from high shriek, which heralded the extreme measures. All
Befane is silenced by a stroke. The Secretary General was really going to take that decision?
"Go well ladies and gentlemen, * witches of all kinds, if you make silence, we will vote for the measure now the rise of the witch salary. "
So magically the Secretary General with the terrible weapon restore peace, harmony and Silence in Congress, like every year.
Scalloped Potatoes Campbells Soup
[At the edge of the rainbow] Liquid Storm 1.2
"In Western culture is the purification of water, washing and refreshment, and the sea. It 'an illusion. I am a child of sand and desert. The desert purifies the soul. "
" Well ... it is something related to asceticism, in fact. "
" The fire burns, the sand dries. In the desert there are no noises and the sun is more direct and strong .. you are alone with your thoughts and the only music you hear is your breath. It 's the best way to remember that basically belong only to yourself, as you will alienate the world. "Rachel closed her eyes and the words seem even more true. Amnon
sits on the spur of rock, contemplating nothing around Masada.
"When I returned from the war I had a recurring dream. Come here and let me fall down the rock and roll, like a rock or a lizard, dying before they reach the bottom. "He feels the shudder of revulsion friendly companion to that idea, he turns and looks at it, removing glasses sun.
"I would never do, life is a gift. And here there is a risk of losing it all too often, suicide is the most insulting possible. In this country you are not free to end your life when you please. "Ride gently, then got up, getting his hands dirty with the dust covering the rocks.
He wipes his hands on his jeans, he offers a hand to his feet and hugged her, with a deep sigh as the belly of the earth.
The visit to the ruins of the city has something mystical and impressive, it's like walking you could still feel the breath of people who lived and died up here.
not seem strange if in the midst of this fiery light from the walls where residues fresco give an idea of magnificent scenes, blood oozing resistance zealot.
"It 's amazing what people have always been attached to the earth." Pronunciation Amnon, slowly. "And to this land in particular." He bent down, picking up a handful of dust and rocks in the bony hand.
Rachel hugs him from behind, stroking his hair. The void that opens up every now and then in the eyes of his friend scares her so much.
Maybe because he knew so and idealist, but also happy and in love with life ... now that security seems to fly away somewhere, like a raven croaking that goes over their heads.
Amnon came to his senses and wipes her hand on his jeans and smiles at her friend, grabbing his arm gratefully.
"Do not worry about me, I'm fine." Gently caresses her cheek, a simple gesture of pure love.
She is aware of the lie, is aware that this abyss of his pain in the chest does not fill so easily. The next is silent ... besides, there's not much I can do before something that can not fully understand.
Centosettantesimo day.
do not know what came over me today. I can not open my eyes, I can hardly breathe.
My ears whistle.
I can smell the gun in his nostrils. Gunpowder, sweat and lead.
tremble.
I fell?
We have to go on a mission, but I do not like. Why
shooting people?
Even the worst of the murderers-and these are-murderers do not deserve the death penalty.
you just kill for pleasure, they make sacrifices.
Mom, help me.
are on track to take the funicular, it is too hot to walk the path of the snakes as they did that morning at dawn.
"Did you have fun?" He asked, surprising to send a message.
"Lots," replied Rachel, eyes wide. "Doubted it?"
"Actually ... no." he chuckles. "You were writing to Stephanie?" Rachel smiles thinking about the confidence with which Amnon pronounce the name of his girlfriend, he has never known.
"Yes. If no worries. "Jest Rachel and Amnon can not help but notice that her facial features are softened even more when talking about her.
"I envy you a little 'smile, you know?" He whispered. She gives him a kiss on the cheek because it knows well what he is suffering from loneliness.
"Well, we do tonight?" Change the subject the boy, going to the exit and barely concealing a yawn.
Centossessantaseiesimo days
"Rachel?" my voice is trembling more than usual.
"Amnon" I feel like screaming. "How are you?"
"Better"
"Are you home?"
"No, I'm still in the hospital." Prisoner. "How are you? And the view? "
" I'm fine, here it is business as usual. I delivered, I graduate in ten days. "
" Oh. "I once again lost some pieces. "So I gonna lose again .."
"Do not worry." Joked her other side. "No justification! Just try to recover and rest. "
" That 's what I have been advising all. " I hissed.
"As soon as I can get down to see you, I want to give you a Big hugs Teddy."
"Thank you sister."
"Write me as soon as you can, ok?" So we said goodbye.
"Is it possible that there is no one that interests you? And do not tell me that in addition to not having time to study, do not even have time to fall in love. "I wonder Rachel, while they drive home.
"None." Her cheeks are reddened him. 'S one of those moments where the old Amnon reappears, unable to hide their cooked her best friend.
"Who is he?"
"Forget it, it's stupid." Search to defend him.
"It 's stupid because they do not consider you stupid or is the fact that you are in love with him?"
"I have not said I'm in love!" His voice rises in a sharp involuntary.
"In love, infatuated .. we will not discuss the semantics so that I win. Who is it? "
" I do not know. And it's stupid. And I'm not infatuated. We say that is a beautiful watch that's all. "
" I want the name. "She urges him.
"Shimon. His name is Shimon, maybe you will have spoken. "Amnon blush, and focuses on the road.
"Mr-are-the-more-cool-activist-for-Israel"? What you said often be the star of Agudah that would bring all the boys to bed, but that apparently does not allow itself very easily? "Rachel imitates him, looking in the rearview mirror and pleased to be able to imitate perfectly the expressions when Amnon speaks.
"But damn you, do not you ever forget anything about the crap I tell you on Skype?"
"By your misfortune my memory is of iron. And you're obsessed when you talk to people."
"But if you leave I have spoken more than once. "
" More or less I've talked to him every time you went to the center. I was beginning to suspect that I did it on purpose to see him. And then I knew from before, right? "
" I wish we had known \u0026lt;/ b> you! "he sighs.
"Pig! You men just think about that. "I tease her.
"You should be happy that at least I think that and not to Gal." Amnon you realize you have made a gaffe, told Rachel that Gal, she gently called "The Jerk", you think again.
"Amnon, you're hopeless."
"Thank you, my love, I love you too much. Bitch. "He laughs. Rachel throws a pinch on the side, making him jump.
Centosessantatresimo days
Today I finally did raise, in a few days I can go home. I saw my reflection in the window for a moment: a corpse.
The bodies should not stand.
My mother supported me, helped by the nurse, I made a few steps and I began to tremble.
do not know what to do with my life. I can not go on as if nothing had happened.
I'm afraid ... I'm so afraid that I can not even be happy.
My mother stroked my face and called me "my baby" with tenderness.
are no longer your baby, mom.
Gal may be right, I am weak. I'm too sensitive. Stupid little man.
because everyone else does not feel as empty as me?
The summer heat makes the air almost suffocating in Tel Aviv. During the hottest hours of the day is not much left to do but stay indoors with the air conditioning on and wait at least decrease the heat a bit '.
The two friends would sit and watch a music DVD, but shot down by Amnon seems too hot to do his usual work on the hot ass singer.
"I get angry if I rest a bit '? You know I'm not used to waking up early in the morning. "Rachel gives him a tongue and stroking his head.
"You are a dormouse." Teases him, but then let him fell asleep next to her.
"Want a cold lemonade?" Interrupts Miriam, the mother of Amnon, who shakes his head, laughing to see the child asleep.
"I do not have the slightest sense of how to treat one's guests. I said, you like some lemonade? "She agrees with courtesy and follows her friend in the kitchen.
"Amnon is very relaxing." Began Rachel, trying to strike up a conversation.
"Fortunately, yes. That's good you came. Although still very tired. "
" Since I know him, he always stayed so much! "I laugh. "I am that I can never sleep more than six hours a night and I still can feel perfectly awake."
"We women are made of a different dough, which can you do? We used to always get away by themselves. "
" At the end of the beginning of the world women are always pulling on the cart ... and sometimes the horse! "Proclaim.
'It is true. In my family, for example, if it were not for my grandmother and my mother who knows that we would never end. "I said back seriously." There are things that you can not write, not even the best writer in the world could do it. Perhaps even God "The intense look in your eyes while I finish my drink.
I would have so much to ask, but as always I'm afraid to annoy people.
"You know, me and David" is the name of the father of Amnon we were on the verge of separation for this winter ... "fault" of our child. But sin is a wrong word, because he certainly has nothing to do with a world that is upside down. "
" What do you mean? "I ask, fearing that it is the usual acceptance speech, homosexuality children: the parents of Amnon, unlike mine, has never been challenged or demonstrated concern, nor even outrage at the sexual orientation of the child, which always seemed to me highly unlikely.
"David has proposed to leave Italy in order not to be invoked." Gravely replies, sitting up.
"This would have meant losing citizenship, probably ... or at least spend some serious trouble." Goal.
"Above all, it was becoming an alien in his country. What my husband does not understand is that in a world like this we need a house to embrace you and support you. "He speaks to me with a warm voice. "And if there's one thing I hope I have communicated to my son, is that membership is something that is won with the respect, love, hate is not born."
"And then, if I know well the sense of duty Amnon, will not waver for a moment has arrived when the communication. "Comment. Because I know him, although it has a very critical decision, Amnon is not a revolutionary, never go against something imposed by an institution, even if it conflicts with his conscience.
"David is still considered Italian, and sometimes judges with the same conceit to-forgive-you Europeans. No, it's never quite been able to adapt to life on the other side of the Mediterranean. Feel foreign here as in Italy .... and pretend that everyone feels that way. "He smiles suddenly. "But I'm bored with this talk of old. Tonight programs that you have? "He asks, without giving me time to respond.
"I still do not know, I think it will emerge as usual. "he says, blushing. Since arriving here, the two boys were not home one evening. "I need to stun me." The confessed him, under the influence of one of these nights.
"I know I should not say this ... but I'd be happy if you find someone. I think that would be good. "Commented the woman.
"Even with this, Mom?" Says Amnon hit, running a hand through his hair, entering the kitchen with the air still sleepy.
Centocinquantottesimo days
House.
I collapsed in my bed, I wrapped in my sheets green water and I started to cry, until eyes I was not too badly hurt and I fell asleep.
This room does not seem to not even mine.
Yet I chose with care the poster, I have posters of my favorite movies, the seats of the singers that I love and a zoomed image of a greek temple.
looks like the room of a stranger.
My mother has changed places with my backpack military, must have hidden somewhere, is the first thing I checked.
are healed or nearly so, but this did not cure the rift that I feel in soul and that hurts a lot more meat.
Mom I cooked the rice, because for now I only eat things light. It was the first real meal not know when, but they are not able to swallow more a few tablespoons.
The doctors said I riabituerò with a little 'patience and that this fatigue will pass.
They say it is normal that I feel lost, so after a long illness.
possible that no one understands the reason for my sick?
Today, I heard Rachel, has promised to come visit in June, because until then it will work.
I also want to find something to do.
But who would want someone like me?
The music is also too high to be outdoors, is that the technology does not like. Does that seem all too loud and inelegant. And he is also tired of dancing, because at every step approach it and some did not desire to repeat the usual information ("Yes, I speak Hebrew, no, I'm Israeli and yes, I got a girl at home waiting for me"), so decided to sit on wet sand near the seashore.
"I wonder what is a grain of sand on the beach itself ... and how many prints are left over there ..." whispers a song in a whisper, looking up at the stars, then pulls out his cell phone to write a mail to Stephanie.
"Because I do not ever want anybody, eh?" A very drunk Amnon the rushes on him, staggering in the sand.
Rachel takes him by the hand and pulls him to sit down.
"What do you mean?" smiles, brushes her hair.
"I did not seize any of me .." continues to complain.
"You're not very attractive, in these conditions." She jokes, taking her hand. "And tonight I will be better to lead the way back."
"Nobody wants me because I know with blood."
"I really know about alcohol."
"I am a murderess." He says taking a bit 'of sand at the mouth.
"What are you doing?" Rachel remains motionless, without understanding.
"This fucking earth deserves only to be eaten. Sometimes I would swallow us all, all of us in one gulp. At least we stop with this crap all of them, no? Both the ground mica asks you what religion you are. "China's head on her shoulder and began to cry.
"I thought I would wake him every night of this nightmare ... I expected. And when I got the fever I thought "now I'll be fine." You know, Adoni basically loves me. Why does it take well to everyone. Mica cares what your name is, what color your skin or who you go to bed. It takes well in his infinite sadism. It 's like an autistic child with a gun in his hand. I wanted to be hit, you know? But the nightmare returns always chasing me. "Rachel hugs strong, confident that they are talking about too many cocktails. He bet on a hand
her shoulder and Rachel can only guess his eyes burning.
"You know how many people I killed? You know, you who always have an answer? "The power of it is heavy and tight, almost hurts. Then he throws to the ground, face in the sand.
"You tell me, because I do not know." Mumbles, grab the ground with his hands.
Centocinquantaquattresimo day.
Chaim and Rita came to see me today, since it is Saturday. My parents were very happy, I think it is a burden for them.
I mean, they see me hanging around all day in bed and desk. I do not want to go out, do not feel up to now. When I stand it seems as though fall at any moment.
I started drawing again, I do not even know why.
I always liked to draw.
I started as a child by copying the drawings of comic books or children's books, then I have always scribbled everywhere.
say I have a decent hand. Usually I end up drawing on white paper and some pencils. Or a few years I bought a tablet to stick to my Mac and drawing directly on the computer with that.
I never draw people, at least they are stylized, comic book type. But I like to create plants and animals that seem almost alive.
Drawing makes me feel good.
What was I saying? Ah, yes, our friends came to visit.
Chaim wanted to remain alone with me in my room. I was afraid I would criticize, but I only hug.
"I know how it feels." I said, simply. He became the first Lebanon war, but those days are not ever want to talk.
He told me that they need someone in his NGO "hakeshtot leshalom, rainbows for Peace, to take charge of external relations and translate into English and fill out forms for funding. The accountant who is dealing with before you are laid off and left them a bit 'discovered.
"Do not answer me now." I said.
"Okay. Thank you, but that's okay. I have to do something ... But are you sure you want me? " He smiled and stroked his head.
When we talked about at the dinner table with my parents I realized that in reality she had already spoken earlier. I do not care if they do it for pity or anything else ... boredom makes me think too much.
And if I think I get ideas in your head.
The road to home seems to end, each meter under the yellowish light of a lamp post wrapped in humidity at night.
And the air is heavy and sticky, sweaty old velvet.
"Why do not you leave me in the street? Not worth it to take me back, not worth it. "He shouted.
"And leave you at four o'clock at night on the streets of Tel Aviv to do that?" tries to play her. "Then your mother who will explain that you're not coming home?"
"There it is always a reason. And you think those other are made as if the reason? No one ever thinks of the other mothers. "Mumbles, beating his head against the glass.
"And to your other you think? What is speech? But I also lose my time to pretend that you are lucid. "Rachel is almost irritated by talk of him, held strong the steering wheel and pushes the accelerator. He wants a bed, he wants the delirium ends as soon as possible.
"I'm tired." She whispered, suddenly calming down and letting go against the backrest.
"I, too, a bit '." She murmured, brushing his cheek.
"Sometimes I feel like a bat locked in a closet. Crashing into the walls and each time the orientation worsens. And it's all just black and suffocating. I have a headache. "He complained.
"If you had drank a little 'less ..." notes Rachel.
"Sex and alcohol awareness mutes, no?" His voice becomes shrill.
"The sex I do not know, but alcohol does not seem to have a big effect." Jest Rachel.
"Without it would be even worse. You have no idea that I refuse I feel sometimes. "Growls, then collapses to shot and the girl is almost grateful the sudden silence, because that scares her suffering.
But only when he finally slips to secure the bed in the room cooled by air conditioning and sends a message to his beautiful you really feel safe.
sesquicentennial days
Today I went out with Leyla. We went to get coffee all'Azrieli, as we used to do this summer. It 'been patient with me and I have done wrong, without bothering to hide the gaps that sometimes they take me.
It 's like if I felt the urge to escape ... because if not the memory back there where I do not want it to go. And I block.
'E' excellent that you start to work. But then you do not plan to return to Italy? "
" Right now it's impossible. "I said, embarrassed, watching the asphalt. "I'm having trouble leaving the house, as sopravvivrei abroad?" I have not tried to drive my car, because the very idea terrifies me.
I could kill someone.
Or I could crash, but this perspective I do not mind that much.
"We could go to the movies one of these nights." I suggested.
"I have to ask my boyfriend." He prevaricated her.
"I'm not going to pounce." I replied, but from the look embarrassed her I realized it was just a polite way to say no.
"And your friend does not come to see you?" He asked with a hint of disgust.
"Rachel, you say?" Leyla is somewhat jealous of her, though I never understood why.
"Yes, it will be in June. For now, we feel every day. "Fortunately. She's my little candle of hope.
not talk about the night before Rachel does not want to seem obsessive and Amnon feels guilty for having shown to her in those conditions. And in the morning it discounts the effects: it is not very good. It has not been able to put down anything for breakfast and the liver makes him again a bit 'evil but tries to ignore the pain, does not want to worry about either others or himself.
"Let me drive a little 'me, just tell me where to go. Both the road to Akko not cross the checkpoint areas. "The whispers loving her, stroking her hair.
"Thanks." Submissive responds, handing over the keys. "I'm sorry."
"Do not apologize. I think last night you really overdid it a bit. ', He answered, trying to be sweet.
'E' that since I was sick no longer support him so well. Maybe I'm used to it. "
" This is not necessarily a bad thing! "
" Eh, but if not I drink I can not guess. "
" Again with this? "
" No, I'm serious this time. The fact is that ... I can not approach. I can not if I do not drink. You know how I am. "
" I think you should stop going to look for kids who think only of that. You'd need an adult. "
" If you find a gay "adult" who is less than fifty years and is not engaged me a whistle that I'll be right. "
Centoquarantasettesimo days
My little sister graduated and this time I was not there with her I could not see her and complimented her glowing. But that has not
yield had time to regret my presence, she has many friends that love her and no one who does not deserve her.
I sent her a message and an e-mail, I'll call tomorrow, today I did not want to bother you with my voice and my listless apathy.
Lately I can not sleep. I say it's my fault that I'm not tired enough physically and to always stay in the house is not normal for me is sleep.
In reality the nightmares started again, as I close my eyes resent the smell of death, or worse .. the screaming silence. If I'm open eyes illuder to dispel the memories using the hours in some way, but if I stop I start to think.
And I'm sick.
I spend hours drawing, or to read and I started working. Currently I'm in the office-and I have not a contract because they are still recovering and the doctors do not trust me to stay too long away from home.
Sometimes I go out alone for an hour, I arrive on the beach to breathe the smell of the sea and to dream of the infinite, but then again the thoughts you do have to go back and letting trope.
I Agudah resumed contacts with the environment, I start to do some 'volunteers, now that I'm here. And maybe you know someone.
Although I'm not sure it can be very useful as a moral support right now.
I curl up in bed, scribbling something on my album. The mattress begins to vibrate under the weight of the phone.
"brother!"
"Rachel! You were very good! "
" Thank you. How are you? "
" I'm fine, do not worry about me. Enjoy the party. "I said.
"What were you doing?" She asked.
"I was coming out." I lied. "We feel another day, now I'm in the car." When I hung up I began to shake, I felt as if I had taken the fever again.
"We fled, leaving behind everything. What else could we do?
Your grandfather was a professor, people respected him, a man of culture. Then why the hell that Incarnate told them it was our fault that things went wrong, if people were hungry, we have become a target.
No one greeted us more for the road.
Your grandfather lost his job, the friends vaporisation.
What other choice if we do not try to leave? The
our own country we refused.
Who were we?
nothing, dust grains to sweep away with soap and grenade. "
Amnon feels the burning body between the sheets sticky, would wake up but can not. The voice of her grandmother's whistle pierces the ears like a siren. That husky voice and perpetually bitter .. Remember
well, although his grandmother died many years ago, when he held on his knees and told him the terrible things, with the intention of preparing him for the world.
He looked at her with eyes wide open and did not understand ... what's the renewal of the pain each time? There is a strange re-open a perverse pleasure in the crust and let the blood flow again, shining as before, the usual injury.
It 's a dangerous game.
mouth breathing, barely. He hopes that nearly doomed the fever is back and this time take him away, but knows that only the after-effects of alcohol and that tomorrow will still be able to get up, probably with a headache.
Yet sometimes want to scream, because the memories are a confusing puzzle. And what was the matter of different voice from her grandmother that of women who were shouting against the checkpoint?
E 'was many years ago, when he was a kid and did not understand why you had to spend three years of youth with a gun in his hand.
Not that he really understood the now, it's just that the carefree youth gone away like the sand of an hourglass.
"No!" Cries when he felt a hand grab her bare arm. Rachel finds herself staring with wide eyes.
"was breathing so strange that I was scared. I thought you were taking asthma. "She said, withdrawing her hand.
"I'm sorry. I can not sleep. Maybe I'm going to see me a bit ' TV and let you rest. "Responds embarrassed, hiding her eyes. He does not want them to see who is on the verge of tears because his pride would prevent that.
Rachel hugs him tight, catching him by surprise.
"Sometimes I do not understand where you went, ach Yakar " whispers, seeing the heart of him that still plays to imitate the sea.
"I do not know where they are." The answer, without self-pity, just as an obvious fact.
"You need to get some sleep '." I cuddle her, stroking her hair and saying what he did not have the courage to ask:
"I remain with you." Rachel relaxes playful head alongside that of Amnon on the same pillow. "Do not worry, I'm here." she whispered.
"And to think that I should be the big brother!"
"Never mind." She whispers, gently stroking her hair. "Now rest."
Centoquarantaquattresimo
day I started working.
I go to office by bike, so at least do a little 'movement, although I am very tired. Chaim told me to take my time, I can start two to three a day and still Oretta to tell when I am not well.
I hate that all are treating me like I'm still sick. I'm not so bad. Or better
I'm wrong, but there is no time or medicine that can cure my illness.
Sometimes ... sometimes I think God wants me so bad, I played a dirty trick to not want me with him.
Or maybe it's just too busy doing other things-and I hope it is an "other" more fun than watching human misery. "
And if you kill me?
It's not that .. just did not think that would be stupid if I'm still alive ... there must be a reason. Maybe.
And if there were? If my life had no fucking sense?
But so it is useless to take me seriously, I would never have the courage to commit suicide.
the end Gal is right, I'm just a weak coward.
"In Western culture is the purification of water, washing and refreshment, and the sea. It 'an illusion. I am a child of sand and desert. The desert purifies the soul. "
" Well ... it is something related to asceticism, in fact. "
" The fire burns, the sand dries. In the desert there are no noises and the sun is more direct and strong .. you are alone with your thoughts and the only music you hear is your breath. It 's the best way to remember that basically belong only to yourself, as you will alienate the world. "Rachel closed her eyes and the words seem even more true. Amnon
sits on the spur of rock, contemplating nothing around Masada.
"When I returned from the war I had a recurring dream. Come here and let me fall down the rock and roll, like a rock or a lizard, dying before they reach the bottom. "He feels the shudder of revulsion friendly companion to that idea, he turns and looks at it, removing glasses sun.
"I would never do, life is a gift. And here there is a risk of losing it all too often, suicide is the most insulting possible. In this country you are not free to end your life when you please. "Ride gently, then got up, getting his hands dirty with the dust covering the rocks.
He wipes his hands on his jeans, he offers a hand to his feet and hugged her, with a deep sigh as the belly of the earth.
The visit to the ruins of the city has something mystical and impressive, it's like walking you could still feel the breath of people who lived and died up here.
not seem strange if in the midst of this fiery light from the walls where residues fresco give an idea of magnificent scenes, blood oozing resistance zealot.
"It 's amazing what people have always been attached to the earth." Pronunciation Amnon, slowly. "And to this land in particular." He bent down, picking up a handful of dust and rocks in the bony hand.
Rachel hugs him from behind, stroking his hair. The void that opens up every now and then in the eyes of his friend scares her so much.
Maybe because he knew so and idealist, but also happy and in love with life ... now that security seems to fly away somewhere, like a raven croaking that goes over their heads.
Amnon came to his senses and wipes her hand on his jeans and smiles at her friend, grabbing his arm gratefully.
"Do not worry about me, I'm fine." Gently caresses her cheek, a simple gesture of pure love.
She is aware of the lie, is aware that this abyss of his pain in the chest does not fill so easily. The next is silent ... besides, there's not much I can do before something that can not fully understand.
Centosettantesimo day.
do not know what came over me today. I can not open my eyes, I can hardly breathe.
My ears whistle.
I can smell the gun in his nostrils. Gunpowder, sweat and lead.
tremble.
I fell?
We have to go on a mission, but I do not like. Why
shooting people?
Even the worst of the murderers-and these are-murderers do not deserve the death penalty.
you just kill for pleasure, they make sacrifices.
Mom, help me.
are on track to take the funicular, it is too hot to walk the path of the snakes as they did that morning at dawn.
"Did you have fun?" He asked, surprising to send a message.
"Lots," replied Rachel, eyes wide. "Doubted it?"
"Actually ... no." he chuckles. "You were writing to Stephanie?" Rachel smiles thinking about the confidence with which Amnon pronounce the name of his girlfriend, he has never known.
"Yes. If no worries. "Jest Rachel and Amnon can not help but notice that her facial features are softened even more when talking about her.
"I envy you a little 'smile, you know?" He whispered. She gives him a kiss on the cheek because it knows well what he is suffering from loneliness.
"Well, we do tonight?" Change the subject the boy, going to the exit and barely concealing a yawn.
Centossessantaseiesimo days
"Rachel?" my voice is trembling more than usual.
"Amnon" I feel like screaming. "How are you?"
"Better"
"Are you home?"
"No, I'm still in the hospital." Prisoner. "How are you? And the view? "
" I'm fine, here it is business as usual. I delivered, I graduate in ten days. "
" Oh. "I once again lost some pieces. "So I gonna lose again .."
"Do not worry." Joked her other side. "No justification! Just try to recover and rest. "
" That 's what I have been advising all. " I hissed.
"As soon as I can get down to see you, I want to give you a Big hugs Teddy."
"Thank you sister."
"Write me as soon as you can, ok?" So we said goodbye.
"Is it possible that there is no one that interests you? And do not tell me that in addition to not having time to study, do not even have time to fall in love. "I wonder Rachel, while they drive home.
"None." Her cheeks are reddened him. 'S one of those moments where the old Amnon reappears, unable to hide their cooked her best friend.
"Who is he?"
"Forget it, it's stupid." Search to defend him.
"It 's stupid because they do not consider you stupid or is the fact that you are in love with him?"
"I have not said I'm in love!" His voice rises in a sharp involuntary.
"In love, infatuated .. we will not discuss the semantics so that I win. Who is it? "
" I do not know. And it's stupid. And I'm not infatuated. We say that is a beautiful watch that's all. "
" I want the name. "She urges him.
"Shimon. His name is Shimon, maybe you will have spoken. "Amnon blush, and focuses on the road.
"Mr-are-the-more-cool-activist-for-Israel"? What you said often be the star of Agudah that would bring all the boys to bed, but that apparently does not allow itself very easily? "Rachel imitates him, looking in the rearview mirror and pleased to be able to imitate perfectly the expressions when Amnon speaks.
"But damn you, do not you ever forget anything about the crap I tell you on Skype?"
"By your misfortune my memory is of iron. And you're obsessed when you talk to people."
"But if you leave I have spoken more than once. "
" More or less I've talked to him every time you went to the center. I was beginning to suspect that I did it on purpose to see him. And then I knew from before, right? "
" I wish we had known \u0026lt;/ b> you! "he sighs.
"Pig! You men just think about that. "I tease her.
"You should be happy that at least I think that and not to Gal." Amnon you realize you have made a gaffe, told Rachel that Gal, she gently called "The Jerk", you think again.
"Amnon, you're hopeless."
"Thank you, my love, I love you too much. Bitch. "He laughs. Rachel throws a pinch on the side, making him jump.
Centosessantatresimo days
Today I finally did raise, in a few days I can go home. I saw my reflection in the window for a moment: a corpse.
The bodies should not stand.
My mother supported me, helped by the nurse, I made a few steps and I began to tremble.
do not know what to do with my life. I can not go on as if nothing had happened.
I'm afraid ... I'm so afraid that I can not even be happy.
My mother stroked my face and called me "my baby" with tenderness.
are no longer your baby, mom.
Gal may be right, I am weak. I'm too sensitive. Stupid little man.
because everyone else does not feel as empty as me?
The summer heat makes the air almost suffocating in Tel Aviv. During the hottest hours of the day is not much left to do but stay indoors with the air conditioning on and wait at least decrease the heat a bit '.
The two friends would sit and watch a music DVD, but shot down by Amnon seems too hot to do his usual work on the hot ass singer.
"I get angry if I rest a bit '? You know I'm not used to waking up early in the morning. "Rachel gives him a tongue and stroking his head.
"You are a dormouse." Teases him, but then let him fell asleep next to her.
"Want a cold lemonade?" Interrupts Miriam, the mother of Amnon, who shakes his head, laughing to see the child asleep.
"I do not have the slightest sense of how to treat one's guests. I said, you like some lemonade? "She agrees with courtesy and follows her friend in the kitchen.
"Amnon is very relaxing." Began Rachel, trying to strike up a conversation.
"Fortunately, yes. That's good you came. Although still very tired. "
" Since I know him, he always stayed so much! "I laugh. "I am that I can never sleep more than six hours a night and I still can feel perfectly awake."
"We women are made of a different dough, which can you do? We used to always get away by themselves. "
" At the end of the beginning of the world women are always pulling on the cart ... and sometimes the horse! "Proclaim.
'It is true. In my family, for example, if it were not for my grandmother and my mother who knows that we would never end. "I said back seriously." There are things that you can not write, not even the best writer in the world could do it. Perhaps even God "The intense look in your eyes while I finish my drink.
I would have so much to ask, but as always I'm afraid to annoy people.
"You know, me and David" is the name of the father of Amnon we were on the verge of separation for this winter ... "fault" of our child. But sin is a wrong word, because he certainly has nothing to do with a world that is upside down. "
" What do you mean? "I ask, fearing that it is the usual acceptance speech, homosexuality children: the parents of Amnon, unlike mine, has never been challenged or demonstrated concern, nor even outrage at the sexual orientation of the child, which always seemed to me highly unlikely.
"David has proposed to leave Italy in order not to be invoked." Gravely replies, sitting up.
"This would have meant losing citizenship, probably ... or at least spend some serious trouble." Goal.
"Above all, it was becoming an alien in his country. What my husband does not understand is that in a world like this we need a house to embrace you and support you. "He speaks to me with a warm voice. "And if there's one thing I hope I have communicated to my son, is that membership is something that is won with the respect, love, hate is not born."
"And then, if I know well the sense of duty Amnon, will not waver for a moment has arrived when the communication. "Comment. Because I know him, although it has a very critical decision, Amnon is not a revolutionary, never go against something imposed by an institution, even if it conflicts with his conscience.
"David is still considered Italian, and sometimes judges with the same conceit to-forgive-you Europeans. No, it's never quite been able to adapt to life on the other side of the Mediterranean. Feel foreign here as in Italy .... and pretend that everyone feels that way. "He smiles suddenly. "But I'm bored with this talk of old. Tonight programs that you have? "He asks, without giving me time to respond.
"I still do not know, I think it will emerge as usual. "he says, blushing. Since arriving here, the two boys were not home one evening. "I need to stun me." The confessed him, under the influence of one of these nights.
"I know I should not say this ... but I'd be happy if you find someone. I think that would be good. "Commented the woman.
"Even with this, Mom?" Says Amnon hit, running a hand through his hair, entering the kitchen with the air still sleepy.
Centocinquantottesimo days
House.
I collapsed in my bed, I wrapped in my sheets green water and I started to cry, until eyes I was not too badly hurt and I fell asleep.
This room does not seem to not even mine.
Yet I chose with care the poster, I have posters of my favorite movies, the seats of the singers that I love and a zoomed image of a greek temple.
looks like the room of a stranger.
My mother has changed places with my backpack military, must have hidden somewhere, is the first thing I checked.
are healed or nearly so, but this did not cure the rift that I feel in soul and that hurts a lot more meat.
Mom I cooked the rice, because for now I only eat things light. It was the first real meal not know when, but they are not able to swallow more a few tablespoons.
The doctors said I riabituerò with a little 'patience and that this fatigue will pass.
They say it is normal that I feel lost, so after a long illness.
possible that no one understands the reason for my sick?
Today, I heard Rachel, has promised to come visit in June, because until then it will work.
I also want to find something to do.
But who would want someone like me?
The music is also too high to be outdoors, is that the technology does not like. Does that seem all too loud and inelegant. And he is also tired of dancing, because at every step approach it and some did not desire to repeat the usual information ("Yes, I speak Hebrew, no, I'm Israeli and yes, I got a girl at home waiting for me"), so decided to sit on wet sand near the seashore.
"I wonder what is a grain of sand on the beach itself ... and how many prints are left over there ..." whispers a song in a whisper, looking up at the stars, then pulls out his cell phone to write a mail to Stephanie.
"Because I do not ever want anybody, eh?" A very drunk Amnon the rushes on him, staggering in the sand.
Rachel takes him by the hand and pulls him to sit down.
"What do you mean?" smiles, brushes her hair.
"I did not seize any of me .." continues to complain.
"You're not very attractive, in these conditions." She jokes, taking her hand. "And tonight I will be better to lead the way back."
"Nobody wants me because I know with blood."
"I really know about alcohol."
"I am a murderess." He says taking a bit 'of sand at the mouth.
"What are you doing?" Rachel remains motionless, without understanding.
"This fucking earth deserves only to be eaten. Sometimes I would swallow us all, all of us in one gulp. At least we stop with this crap all of them, no? Both the ground mica asks you what religion you are. "China's head on her shoulder and began to cry.
"I thought I would wake him every night of this nightmare ... I expected. And when I got the fever I thought "now I'll be fine." You know, Adoni basically loves me. Why does it take well to everyone. Mica cares what your name is, what color your skin or who you go to bed. It takes well in his infinite sadism. It 's like an autistic child with a gun in his hand. I wanted to be hit, you know? But the nightmare returns always chasing me. "Rachel hugs strong, confident that they are talking about too many cocktails. He bet on a hand
her shoulder and Rachel can only guess his eyes burning.
"You know how many people I killed? You know, you who always have an answer? "The power of it is heavy and tight, almost hurts. Then he throws to the ground, face in the sand.
"You tell me, because I do not know." Mumbles, grab the ground with his hands.
Centocinquantaquattresimo day.
Chaim and Rita came to see me today, since it is Saturday. My parents were very happy, I think it is a burden for them.
I mean, they see me hanging around all day in bed and desk. I do not want to go out, do not feel up to now. When I stand it seems as though fall at any moment.
I started drawing again, I do not even know why.
I always liked to draw.
I started as a child by copying the drawings of comic books or children's books, then I have always scribbled everywhere.
say I have a decent hand. Usually I end up drawing on white paper and some pencils. Or a few years I bought a tablet to stick to my Mac and drawing directly on the computer with that.
I never draw people, at least they are stylized, comic book type. But I like to create plants and animals that seem almost alive.
Drawing makes me feel good.
What was I saying? Ah, yes, our friends came to visit.
Chaim wanted to remain alone with me in my room. I was afraid I would criticize, but I only hug.
"I know how it feels." I said, simply. He became the first Lebanon war, but those days are not ever want to talk.
He told me that they need someone in his NGO "hakeshtot leshalom, rainbows for Peace, to take charge of external relations and translate into English and fill out forms for funding. The accountant who is dealing with before you are laid off and left them a bit 'discovered.
"Do not answer me now." I said.
"Okay. Thank you, but that's okay. I have to do something ... But are you sure you want me? " He smiled and stroked his head.
When we talked about at the dinner table with my parents I realized that in reality she had already spoken earlier. I do not care if they do it for pity or anything else ... boredom makes me think too much.
And if I think I get ideas in your head.
The road to home seems to end, each meter under the yellowish light of a lamp post wrapped in humidity at night.
And the air is heavy and sticky, sweaty old velvet.
"Why do not you leave me in the street? Not worth it to take me back, not worth it. "He shouted.
"And leave you at four o'clock at night on the streets of Tel Aviv to do that?" tries to play her. "Then your mother who will explain that you're not coming home?"
"There it is always a reason. And you think those other are made as if the reason? No one ever thinks of the other mothers. "Mumbles, beating his head against the glass.
"And to your other you think? What is speech? But I also lose my time to pretend that you are lucid. "Rachel is almost irritated by talk of him, held strong the steering wheel and pushes the accelerator. He wants a bed, he wants the delirium ends as soon as possible.
"I'm tired." She whispered, suddenly calming down and letting go against the backrest.
"I, too, a bit '." She murmured, brushing his cheek.
"Sometimes I feel like a bat locked in a closet. Crashing into the walls and each time the orientation worsens. And it's all just black and suffocating. I have a headache. "He complained.
"If you had drank a little 'less ..." notes Rachel.
"Sex and alcohol awareness mutes, no?" His voice becomes shrill.
"The sex I do not know, but alcohol does not seem to have a big effect." Jest Rachel.
"Without it would be even worse. You have no idea that I refuse I feel sometimes. "Growls, then collapses to shot and the girl is almost grateful the sudden silence, because that scares her suffering.
But only when he finally slips to secure the bed in the room cooled by air conditioning and sends a message to his beautiful you really feel safe.
sesquicentennial days
Today I went out with Leyla. We went to get coffee all'Azrieli, as we used to do this summer. It 'been patient with me and I have done wrong, without bothering to hide the gaps that sometimes they take me.
It 's like if I felt the urge to escape ... because if not the memory back there where I do not want it to go. And I block.
'E' excellent that you start to work. But then you do not plan to return to Italy? "
" Right now it's impossible. "I said, embarrassed, watching the asphalt. "I'm having trouble leaving the house, as sopravvivrei abroad?" I have not tried to drive my car, because the very idea terrifies me.
I could kill someone.
Or I could crash, but this perspective I do not mind that much.
"We could go to the movies one of these nights." I suggested.
"I have to ask my boyfriend." He prevaricated her.
"I'm not going to pounce." I replied, but from the look embarrassed her I realized it was just a polite way to say no.
"And your friend does not come to see you?" He asked with a hint of disgust.
"Rachel, you say?" Leyla is somewhat jealous of her, though I never understood why.
"Yes, it will be in June. For now, we feel every day. "Fortunately. She's my little candle of hope.
not talk about the night before Rachel does not want to seem obsessive and Amnon feels guilty for having shown to her in those conditions. And in the morning it discounts the effects: it is not very good. It has not been able to put down anything for breakfast and the liver makes him again a bit 'evil but tries to ignore the pain, does not want to worry about either others or himself.
"Let me drive a little 'me, just tell me where to go. Both the road to Akko not cross the checkpoint areas. "The whispers loving her, stroking her hair.
"Thanks." Submissive responds, handing over the keys. "I'm sorry."
"Do not apologize. I think last night you really overdid it a bit. ', He answered, trying to be sweet.
'E' that since I was sick no longer support him so well. Maybe I'm used to it. "
" This is not necessarily a bad thing! "
" Eh, but if not I drink I can not guess. "
" Again with this? "
" No, I'm serious this time. The fact is that ... I can not approach. I can not if I do not drink. You know how I am. "
" I think you should stop going to look for kids who think only of that. You'd need an adult. "
" If you find a gay "adult" who is less than fifty years and is not engaged me a whistle that I'll be right. "
Centoquarantasettesimo days
My little sister graduated and this time I was not there with her I could not see her and complimented her glowing. But that has not
yield had time to regret my presence, she has many friends that love her and no one who does not deserve her.
I sent her a message and an e-mail, I'll call tomorrow, today I did not want to bother you with my voice and my listless apathy.
Lately I can not sleep. I say it's my fault that I'm not tired enough physically and to always stay in the house is not normal for me is sleep.
In reality the nightmares started again, as I close my eyes resent the smell of death, or worse .. the screaming silence. If I'm open eyes illuder to dispel the memories using the hours in some way, but if I stop I start to think.
And I'm sick.
I spend hours drawing, or to read and I started working. Currently I'm in the office-and I have not a contract because they are still recovering and the doctors do not trust me to stay too long away from home.
Sometimes I go out alone for an hour, I arrive on the beach to breathe the smell of the sea and to dream of the infinite, but then again the thoughts you do have to go back and letting trope.
I Agudah resumed contacts with the environment, I start to do some 'volunteers, now that I'm here. And maybe you know someone.
Although I'm not sure it can be very useful as a moral support right now.
I curl up in bed, scribbling something on my album. The mattress begins to vibrate under the weight of the phone.
"brother!"
"Rachel! You were very good! "
" Thank you. How are you? "
" I'm fine, do not worry about me. Enjoy the party. "I said.
"What were you doing?" She asked.
"I was coming out." I lied. "We feel another day, now I'm in the car." When I hung up I began to shake, I felt as if I had taken the fever again.
"We fled, leaving behind everything. What else could we do?
Your grandfather was a professor, people respected him, a man of culture. Then why the hell that Incarnate told them it was our fault that things went wrong, if people were hungry, we have become a target.
No one greeted us more for the road.
Your grandfather lost his job, the friends vaporisation.
What other choice if we do not try to leave? The
our own country we refused.
Who were we?
nothing, dust grains to sweep away with soap and grenade. "
Amnon feels the burning body between the sheets sticky, would wake up but can not. The voice of her grandmother's whistle pierces the ears like a siren. That husky voice and perpetually bitter .. Remember
well, although his grandmother died many years ago, when he held on his knees and told him the terrible things, with the intention of preparing him for the world.
He looked at her with eyes wide open and did not understand ... what's the renewal of the pain each time? There is a strange re-open a perverse pleasure in the crust and let the blood flow again, shining as before, the usual injury.
It 's a dangerous game.
mouth breathing, barely. He hopes that nearly doomed the fever is back and this time take him away, but knows that only the after-effects of alcohol and that tomorrow will still be able to get up, probably with a headache.
Yet sometimes want to scream, because the memories are a confusing puzzle. And what was the matter of different voice from her grandmother that of women who were shouting against the checkpoint?
E 'was many years ago, when he was a kid and did not understand why you had to spend three years of youth with a gun in his hand.
Not that he really understood the now, it's just that the carefree youth gone away like the sand of an hourglass.
"No!" Cries when he felt a hand grab her bare arm. Rachel finds herself staring with wide eyes.
"was breathing so strange that I was scared. I thought you were taking asthma. "She said, withdrawing her hand.
"I'm sorry. I can not sleep. Maybe I'm going to see me a bit ' TV and let you rest. "Responds embarrassed, hiding her eyes. He does not want them to see who is on the verge of tears because his pride would prevent that.
Rachel hugs him tight, catching him by surprise.
"Sometimes I do not understand where you went, ach Yakar " whispers, seeing the heart of him that still plays to imitate the sea.
"I do not know where they are." The answer, without self-pity, just as an obvious fact.
"You need to get some sleep '." I cuddle her, stroking her hair and saying what he did not have the courage to ask:
"I remain with you." Rachel relaxes playful head alongside that of Amnon on the same pillow. "Do not worry, I'm here." she whispered.
"And to think that I should be the big brother!"
"Never mind." She whispers, gently stroking her hair. "Now rest."
Centoquarantaquattresimo
day I started working.
I go to office by bike, so at least do a little 'movement, although I am very tired. Chaim told me to take my time, I can start two to three a day and still Oretta to tell when I am not well.
I hate that all are treating me like I'm still sick. I'm not so bad. Or better
I'm wrong, but there is no time or medicine that can cure my illness.
Sometimes ... sometimes I think God wants me so bad, I played a dirty trick to not want me with him.
Or maybe it's just too busy doing other things-and I hope it is an "other" more fun than watching human misery. "
And if you kill me?
It's not that .. just did not think that would be stupid if I'm still alive ... there must be a reason. Maybe.
And if there were? If my life had no fucking sense?
But so it is useless to take me seriously, I would never have the courage to commit suicide.
the end Gal is right, I'm just a weak coward.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Making A Sausage Dog Draft Excluder
[At the edge of the rainbow] Liquid Storm 1
A drop of sweat slides down the right side of evil to slip under the edge of his trousers.
Feel stronger that air stuffy and yet so alive. Count the seconds that holds its breath, to regulate the breath, sometimes the heart has accelerated suddenly, for no particular reason.
He looks scaly hands from the heat and have to laugh.
"Amnon" the loud cry of Rachel surprises him, catching him by surprise. Watch the friend move the glass door almost hopping with her long dancer's legs, wrapped in a flowered dress that flutters around.
He has with him only a trolley small, always surprises me how much luggage for her to be Spartans.
And how sweet it is when the light hits it right in her face and she quickly lowered her glasses, without slowing his ride toward him, her hair black night that softened even more face.
Probably not the kind of beauty that a heterosexual man would notice the street, because Rachel is not gushing or vulgar.
looks like a cornflower.
"brother!" Spring the suitcase on the floor and runs to embrace him with a rush, as if you do not realize good six inches of overhang.
"This I take it, sister." He says, picking up the trolley.
"But I was mad! I can perfectly well by myself. "She protested, but he shrugs and pretends not to hear either.
"It 's the trip went well?" We inform.
"Yes, yes. I'm so happy to see you, brother! "To be near again and kisses him on the cheek." You've also done better. "
" Thank you lie. "Ride him, opening the car door.
Two hundred days ago. Or maybe one hundred ninety-nine
. The days all look the same when you are suspended in a beneficial unconsciousness.
We can say that the disease can not remember that little glimpses of life, like a cut on a fountain canvas. Because really that sleep was a sheet of white light, the absence of something ... a tabula rasa, as Rachel would say, while the moments when the world was re-emerge in a slow sinking into a dark tunnel and painful.
It all started a few days before returning home, when they announced that the war was over. Or maybe a few days ago when we began to understand that it would be finished soon.
As a soldier you know some things.
I had pain everywhere, constant vomiting and fatigue.
not remember how I arrived at the hospital, or if before I got home.
were migraine days, the most intense I've ever caught and burned his stomach as if someone he lit a match in the stomach.
nurse gives me a levy on his arm, whispered to me something I do not understand it, perhaps to stop from shaking ... but do not do it voluntarily. My body moves on its own.
I know very well that a blood sample does not fall into the category of things they can do evil. "
pillow. The cushion that could clean the hospital ... It seemed a safe haven.
I think they started an IV with something inside of me burning ... I'm sure, because I bear the marks on both arms for some time.
"We will have lots to tell!" Rachel begins, slamming the car door. "I sapere tutto!”
“Bè, nella mia vita non ci sono grandi novità, credo che sarai tu a dover raccontare a me tante cose, a cominciare dalla tua laurea. A quanto pare non ero destinato a vederti splendere tra i professori.” Commenta con rammarico e vergogna, quasi si sentisse in colpa di aver mancato per la seconda volta la laurea dell’amica.
“Ma hai visto le foto! E ti ho già raccontato tutto via skype!” ogni cosa che Rachele dice, sembra detta con allegria eccessiva e con un sorriso. Questa sua evidente vitalità a volte la rende pesante a chi ancora non la conosca bene, ma non è così per Amnon che ha sempre adorato il modo in cui l’energia di lei riesca a dare una luce nuova to all surfaces.
"But to hear it from your voice is something else." She smiles shyly. "And then you must tell me what to do now and where you go next year. And I want to know if Pisa is always the same and if our friends are doing well .... and if I have forgiven. "Whispered a small voice.
"you're stupid!" The girl can not resist a slap to pull his neck.
"Ouch! I'm driving, "he protested weakly.
"It's nothing. Certain things you do not even think of idiots! "
Rachel does not want his friend to remember now that winter day, began chatting with an absurd conversation, which still has impressed in memory.
"I will return to Italy. I have drawn. "Rachel had tried to call him, he wanted to hear his voice, but he continued to reject the call.
"Fucking answer me." He quickly typed on her keyboard.
"I'm sorry, I do not feel to hear your lecture."
"No, stupid! What do you think? I just wanted to hear your voice. "
" I'd rather not. "
" Parties soon? "
" In a couple of hours. "Then it was passed on him was off-line. Rachel was angry, disgusted by the behavior of children. At the same time scared to death, even if it was not made account.
"It will be a swift war, they say." He tried to console his father at dinner that evening.
"Usually when the military says it takes at least ten years." He answered her, filling his mouth.
Centonovantanottesimo day. I dreamed last night
Gal, My desire haunted.
Maybe I still love how they love the things forbidden and far.
stand by him in Gaza has been painful, like salt on a wound.
Being there in that situation, perhaps in danger of dying and not being able to caress. I could not tighten once again to his chest.
In our unity we all know. They know how I dealt with that well I broke four ribs the heart.
Yet I still dream about it because it was my first boyfriend and six years are so many, even if you are making the horns, even if at some point we want even more good.
At this point I think it will be my only boy.
Too bad, I would have liked to try the boredom of a stable relationship, to live with someone.
I do not know why, but I always imagined a distant future, a decent and comfortable apartment for me and my hypothetical prince ... then I have no great pretensions, just love me, well that's true.
A little 'as if they want my parents.
And maybe even that good in bed, which never hurts. And sweet. I closed with the assholes.
In fact, I'm done with everything. I heard
confabulation doctors and my parents at some point. I have the blood of the patient, perhaps a form of leukemia.
I do not care to know the name of death, which comes soon enough.
After all I deserve. I was talking about
Gal.
He now has a boy younger than us, who is doing community service that he says he loves so much.
I'm sure you love him more than he loved me, I was not so lucky.
I hurt her eyes, a yellow light filter that hurts me.
Adoni, please let me die.
After the war, Rachel had been waiting in vain a message or email. Had said "no fall" and not to worry, he would have made me feel. A week later still nothing, three unanswered emails and no surprises in chat. Messages on both cell phone numbers-the Italian and Israeli-infinite now. Ten days and still nothing, not even the phones ringing. She was just the anxiety of Rachel, who grew in my throat along with a bit more bitter resentment.
"Why not try to call home, I'm sorry?" He had advised her best friend. So one night, after many hesitations, and had alarmed his parents? And if the number was no longer state that? Or if he simply did not want to hear it? - dialed the number on the keyboard. And still nothing.
Stubborn, he tried until he finally had answers. Amnon said to her father, a voice unrecognizable.
"Yes it's back, but unfortunately not at home."
"Why?"
"It is not right. It is in the hospital. "
" It 's been hurt? "
" No, it was sick. Very high fever, convulsions, perhaps an infection which started the liver. The doctors say the tests are not good at all. "It seemed that a jet of cold water hit his chest straight to the heart, the muscles twitched suddenly. "I'll tell him you called, although the disease does not respond much. "
Centonovantacinquesimo day.
Today I feel a bit 'better. Perhaps they are the drugs that throw me a bit 'up, but it's as if my body did not want to surrender to death.
But that cruelty, if I die, I might as well stop gorging on drugs. Today I heard
ancestors speaking to me and I think I even answered him.
He told me that Rachel has called home and was very worried about me. I have no phone with me, otherwise I would send a message.
But to say things in the space of one hundred words? And without being certain to arrive.
I would write a letter, but I do not have the strength. Maybe tomorrow.
I miss my sister. And maybe a little 'tips too.
Luckily she's different from me, she's good, she is special. And 'why Adoni has blessed with intelligence and sensitivity and with so many people around who love her.
Because if you know even a little, 'my sister, you can not love her. Mica
'm saying it's perfect, not at all. But it is precisely because it is so beautiful and I get angry when the world wants to hurt her.
I open my eyes a bit ', it's dark and a bit' creepy. The ears are buzzing again, let me go back to nothing.
"You know, probably this is the last summer we spend here with my parents. "He says, making her way toward the elevator. "I'm thinking of taking a rented room with other guys."
"But never return to Italy to finish college?"
"I no longer want. I prefer to work, you're the Genius of the situation. "
" But you've thought it all right? It 's a sin, you were going very well. "
" I did not feel, however, to return to Italy, is too far from home. If we were to think back I can always sign up here in Tel Aviv, but for now I do not have any intention. Do not blame me. "
" But I figured ... It 's just that I always thought you liked to study. "
" I feel old, I have lost my time. You have three years younger than me and you have a doctorate. No, I do not have time to study. "And then to work in the NGO I am good, I like it. At the bottom is a bit 'realize what we've always done, right? Instead of talking about peace, at least now I do something. "Blushes.
"We never talked about and that's it. You never talked about and nothing else. You've been several times in the Territories with the NGO, you went to Genoa, while I was at home .. "
" You were tiny. "
" You're not the sort of person who just talk. You have always been committed to the cause of LGBT is here e. that in Italy. "
" What does it matter, that's for convenience. How come you always say you? Shishero pro domo ... "
" Ci-ce-ro. Cicero pro domo her. Cicero is the Latin name of Cicero, "she laughs, taking him by the arm." Anyway, I do not think all gays are active in the world, so do not come and tell me that is a choice of convenience. You are one who cares about others. "
" And this does not stop me from a gun. "Amnon breaks away from her with an abrupt gesture.
"Technically you have put a gun in his hand." Notes Rachel. "It's not your fault you were born before that by introducing the civil service. "
" I could not introduce myself. Or to refuse. "
" Finally the court martial and still be forced to go ... and maybe even find it on the front line? Very nice gain. And then your conscience prevents you from doing something that does not feel right. "
" War is not fair. E 'useless. "Rachel comes up to him again.
"You have to stop feeling guilty."
"I do not want to talk."
Amnon escape the gaze of her, a bit 'sad, a bit' in disbelief and starts toward the door. Rachel realizes that it is not appropriate to continue the conversation, at least for the moment.
The apartment is cool, even too much because the air conditioning kept the temperature is too low.
whole house is in shadow, to protect from the sun too strong semi sudden darkness gives almost bored eyes.
"Rachel!" The mother of Amnon, Myriam, welcomes with open arms. For she is like a daughter. "How are you? But that woman you've become! You are more beautiful. "He stroked her cheek and kisses her forehead. Please note that travel and Amnon - "the crabby" - the well being treated.
"Do your luggage to your room." Sort by decision.
"The road is not difficult. "Amnon Ride across the hall and opening the door to the last room at the end.
"I hope that is not a problem sleeping in the same room." He mutters, his voice more.
"But shut up, go!" She jokes. "I should be ashamed of my big brother.?" Ironically, looking around. The room is not very big, the bed and the cot assembled for the occasion, almost touching. When Amnon turns on the light, Rachel plays guess the posters on the wall: singers, athletes and actors. It looks like the room of a sixteen year old. Some posters, in fact, be more than ten years old, the edges are curled and yellowed white, others are new. Here and there among the posters there are pictures cut from magazines, collages and drawings: no stretch of wall was left free.
"It 's a bit shocking, is not it?" Said Amnon with a grimace. "But at least I remember that once I was a kid. Mom did not loose anything when I'm gone. "
Centonovantaduesimo day.
I woke up dreaming of screaming or yelling.
not remember another such intense pain in my entire life. My ears still the sound of mortars. I
infinitely crushed and was every bit pain. I opened his eyes without seeing, I closed my eyes and I felt too.
I tried to pray, but I was not the words. Poor stupid what they are.
Mommy, mommy dear, where are you?
do not know what I threw up, I twisted in the bed and muscles ached. I could not breathe, I really thought about dying.
waiting for the end, I counted the seconds.
Then came the light, I took away from my nest of blankets. I was wet with blood.
I wanted to lose consciousness, but could not.
do not know what I have done, I just know that there was more pain and that seemed endless. And the more it hurt, I was more awake.
Then, finally, I fell asleep.
"Tonight you have dinner here, boys, or go out?" Asks Myriam, entering the room.
"I take her out to eat, if you do not mind, Mom." Rachel can not help but notice how the voice of Amnon tremble every time he has to express a thought.
"No, just imagine! I'm glad if you come out and have fun, you know. Come into the kitchen, so we have a chat before it comes to errands. "Li invites. They cross the hall again and sat in the room, all three around the wooden table. "You already have a program for the next few days?"
"I would go to see some ancient ruins." Rachel spoke.
"But I'll take you where you want, you know little sister." Amnon smiles. "For you are even willing to wake up at five o'clock. "
" That, for him as a lazy, amounts to a huge effort, "she laughs again, going to take a brand new road atlas and placing it on the table. "Here you go, so you can make all the plans you want. What do you want to drink, you prefer a cold, a coca-cola or juice? "Asks politely.
"An iced tea, please." Rachel smiled, while continuing to focus Amnon places on the map.
Centonovantesimo days (?) Black
total. A series of cobwebs.
I do not know what to say about some days, why do not you remember them.
remain alone in the house, is still too hot to go out. Amnon still nursed a glass of tea, which tasted a few sips cautiously.
She studied his brother, trying not to show it. Now that the excitement embrace him once more was a bit 'disposed of, try to understand what you do not come into the picture. Amnon is there in front of her, as was the friend of all time, yet it is not. There are many small differences compared to the previous image that has him.
First up, the more uncertain and woody. And the smile that is not so bright. It feels as if he were the differences game on the Week Puzzles and this estrangement is the only so that you do not get to cry, asking god to an unlikely thing he has done his sweet big brother.
Amnon's eyes are as veiled in a fog, as if between him and the world there are opaque lenses which do not allow the vision. Macrabi filters.
In between is the horror, pain, fear and shame, but Rachel can not imagine what's real, what it all means.
Not that it was somehow prepared, right from their conversations on Skype was guessed that something had changed. And to make matters worse, they all advised that Amnon is "still in shock, poor boy, traumatized."
The ticking clock together with their breathing, is the only audible noise.
"you have become silent." She says, looking distracted.
"Want to go get some sleep?" I suppose you'll be tired for the trip. "He says, continuing to pursue the course of his thoughts.
"I would love to do a shower instead." He asks.
Centottantanovesimo day.
Dear Rachel, my dear sister ...
I forced my mother to write a note for me, I do not have the strength.
you forgive me?
do not know if my letter will arrive, because the mother started crying and kept telling myself that I can not write certain things, you'll only worry. But
leave without saying goodbye is not it even more ugly?
I love so much, dear Rachel, I wish I could embrace.
If you happen, think of me and I remember that I will love you forever.
I know that I was not even a good friend and a good brother, how I wanted. You give too much trust the people.
Your girl will stay close, I'm sure.
not come to the funeral, that things are always sad and I know you hurt.
Sometimes a phone call to my mom, because I know you feel so lonely and she wants you so much, but just can not write my ticket and continues to cry.
Then I bid you farewell as well, in my head, sister, and I hope that somehow you will.
not be sad because it is better for everyone.
Amnon collapses on the bed, after giving Rachel everything you need to wash. It feels infinitely tired and inadequate.
afraid.
It 'obvious that Rachel find it strange, he is strange, he seems to be the ghost of what once was.
Occasionally fragments of what was emerging from under the skin because it would get out and push, but Amnon knows that would only be a short flashback, then apathy and sadness would take over again and it would be worse.
not be the same, he has no desire back to being himself.
no longer want to live.
squeezes the sheets, we would be happy to cry if it were alone, but does not want to scare his little sister.
closes his eyes, lips and greenhouse screams inside himself, as he learned to do during those endless days.
The taste of blood passes once more into the nostrils and throat.
eightieth day
Today my mother told me that there is another guy in my condition.
And maybe a couple more in Jerusalem. After all, death is not original. Even though I'm starting to think that I do not really want to.
My body feels better, I have bursts of lucidity longer. Even fever is beginning to decline. I have yet to what I said in return.
Today I asked the nurse is to change the drip ... is a lady so sweet, like something out of fairy tales. A granny ... not as I remember mine, a big woman plump and despotic.
I wonder how this lady has to maintain its softness after many years of work so ungrateful.
I asked how many days I have left.
"Adonai only knows."
"I have a tumor? Leukemia? "
" But no, Amnon. "I was surprised that he remembered my name.
"It 's just a bad infection, but the worst seems past. You have to be strong for another bit '. "He caresses her head.
"I have a glass of water?" He gave me to drink the water burned.
"You will do well, try to drink more often."
Rachel extends the time in the shower trying to wash away the tiredness and anxiety. Here it is, everything went well.
"Your brother is alive, you've touched, you have squeezed between the arms is real." Repeats. But nothing can dispel the feeling that you are in front of her rather than a hologram or a metal clone.
Where did the boy who always smiled and that made her feel so good? Because now he puts almost uncomfortable?
Yet the two of them have been friends forever.
Amnon's father is of Italian origin and still has cousins in Livorno, so take the family every summer for a couple of weeks in a cooler place (Rachel had always wondered how that city could be furnace cooler ).
So, who knows when they met, perhaps through friends of friends ... Rachel does not remember exactly when, but certainly knows how every summer, the presence of the children who speak two words of Italian crippled, but always had a smile for all, rejoice.
Then they came up with the teens and the first holiday for "boys only" around Italy or Europe light-heartedness to have the world at your feet.
In the group, between the two of them had always been a particular aim. Both timid, with a shared passion for music and the world. Once past the language barrier, thanks to a little British English, but perfectly functional, it was easy to open the way for a beautiful and well-established friendship, cemented by the lack of mutual attraction.
Then, as often happens, were lost with the first loves and most age groups, which had brought Rachel and Amnon the military college.
Occasionally she received postcards or letters from his "friend forced into the army."
They had often talked together Amnon was smiling and joking:
"Unfortunately the nature has made me perfect enough that it can not be reformed."
Then somehow the time was spent apparently painless, bringing the fruit is good news.
"I come to study in Pisa."
"Sister," was how she had always known. "Think you can find a hole somewhere for me?" He said via Skype.
"Why?"
"I signed a Science of Culture in Pisa." Rachel made a funny face.
"Stop joking."
"I'm not kidding, I swear. I need to live a little 'out of here. "
"And why the hell you are registered in Italy?"
"Because my English is painful and you know it. It is also the only place where my father never let me go for so long ... And so we will close, no? Even though I know you now, you're almost done. But this time, at least, not to fail your degree. "He laughed.
"Crazy you are. Then I start to look for something, who knows ... maybe we could well end up living together. "
" I do not mind at all being with my sister. I am a housewife, you know? I also learned how to iron the shirts! "
" But to marry that man you are! "The laughter of both spread the quivering long noisy line.
Centosettantottesimo days
Today dad took me to read a book because now I can concentrate. I always liked to read so much, I need to relax.
"It's not that you could take the I-pod?" I asked. I missed my music.
I was always out of tune, I can not play an instrument, but the music I like, makes me happy. And I love going to concerts.
"Sure." He said the father. I noticed his eye sockets deep, seemed to have one hundred years. I felt guilty.
At least from that time would no longer be obliged-he and the mom-to spend the night with me.
I still feel weak, sometimes my head starts to spin and I can not get out of bed. Sometimes I fear that this condition will never end.
"We're already prepared to exit." He says, when Rachel's beat him on the shoulder, rousing from her thoughts. "How beautiful you are."
"Stop telling me, kind of a pimp, or I'll tell Stephanie the thing." She jokes.
"When is your better half?" Informs you, trying to smile.
"In two weeks, just after the exam session." She says, sitting next to him, regardless of the wide skirt that flutters everywhere. "Come on, prepared to go out, tramp. What you get? "Amnon gets up and opens the closet with a mechanical gesture." You give me some advice? "Without answering, Rachel gets up and starts to open the drawers.
"Try these, they seem nice." I suggested, pulling out a pair of white pants and wide.
"Do not be too white for me?" He asks.
"Maybe it's good once you learn how to eat without stain to." The Rachel teases. "And then it takes on something colorful. Oh, the problem is in your closet to find something that is not so colorful. To put that case now you have gray-green shirt in my honor? "She laughs. Amnon did not the courage to confess that now those colors, which he liked so much, can no longer wear them. Not that his tastes have changed, it feels just a sad clown with those pastel shades on and look gray. But I do not want to sadden again. Rachel's offers a pale pink shirt with a design on the pocket.
"This should gotta be good." Suggests. Amnon still dazed with clothes in hand.
"Well, what are you waiting for? Want to go out, big brother? "Asks gently.
"Maybe. Thank you. "
Centossettantacinquesimo days
Today Layla and Gal came to visit.
Layla is my neighbor when we were children often played together on the landing.
E 'Gal's cousin, she presented it to me.
I think for her it was a blessing that I went to Italy when we broke up, otherwise she would be pressed between two fires. Two hysterical queens do not wish for anyone. Gal
I did not expect was, in fact I would have preferred not to be so hypocritical.
It hurts to know that he came only for the sake of courtesy.
gave me a DVD, so I can vedermelo when I'm bored.
Gal told me that two other people on our team were bad, but are now out of danger. I know, maybe there was something in the water or food.
O maybe you were the debolucci the company. "I did not like his tone of mockery, I'm not weak.
Or at least I was not.
Leyla, before leaving, he told me to call for anything he needs.
But why do I need anything?
would just like a grave to rest in peace.
A drop of sweat slides down the right side of evil to slip under the edge of his trousers.
Feel stronger that air stuffy and yet so alive. Count the seconds that holds its breath, to regulate the breath, sometimes the heart has accelerated suddenly, for no particular reason.
He looks scaly hands from the heat and have to laugh.
"Amnon" the loud cry of Rachel surprises him, catching him by surprise. Watch the friend move the glass door almost hopping with her long dancer's legs, wrapped in a flowered dress that flutters around.
He has with him only a trolley small, always surprises me how much luggage for her to be Spartans.
And how sweet it is when the light hits it right in her face and she quickly lowered her glasses, without slowing his ride toward him, her hair black night that softened even more face.
Probably not the kind of beauty that a heterosexual man would notice the street, because Rachel is not gushing or vulgar.
looks like a cornflower.
"brother!" Spring the suitcase on the floor and runs to embrace him with a rush, as if you do not realize good six inches of overhang.
"This I take it, sister." He says, picking up the trolley.
"But I was mad! I can perfectly well by myself. "She protested, but he shrugs and pretends not to hear either.
"It 's the trip went well?" We inform.
"Yes, yes. I'm so happy to see you, brother! "To be near again and kisses him on the cheek." You've also done better. "
" Thank you lie. "Ride him, opening the car door.
Two hundred days ago. Or maybe one hundred ninety-nine
. The days all look the same when you are suspended in a beneficial unconsciousness.
We can say that the disease can not remember that little glimpses of life, like a cut on a fountain canvas. Because really that sleep was a sheet of white light, the absence of something ... a tabula rasa, as Rachel would say, while the moments when the world was re-emerge in a slow sinking into a dark tunnel and painful.
It all started a few days before returning home, when they announced that the war was over. Or maybe a few days ago when we began to understand that it would be finished soon.
As a soldier you know some things.
I had pain everywhere, constant vomiting and fatigue.
not remember how I arrived at the hospital, or if before I got home.
were migraine days, the most intense I've ever caught and burned his stomach as if someone he lit a match in the stomach.
nurse gives me a levy on his arm, whispered to me something I do not understand it, perhaps to stop from shaking ... but do not do it voluntarily. My body moves on its own.
I know very well that a blood sample does not fall into the category of things they can do evil. "
pillow. The cushion that could clean the hospital ... It seemed a safe haven.
I think they started an IV with something inside of me burning ... I'm sure, because I bear the marks on both arms for some time.
"We will have lots to tell!" Rachel begins, slamming the car door. "I sapere tutto!”
“Bè, nella mia vita non ci sono grandi novità, credo che sarai tu a dover raccontare a me tante cose, a cominciare dalla tua laurea. A quanto pare non ero destinato a vederti splendere tra i professori.” Commenta con rammarico e vergogna, quasi si sentisse in colpa di aver mancato per la seconda volta la laurea dell’amica.
“Ma hai visto le foto! E ti ho già raccontato tutto via skype!” ogni cosa che Rachele dice, sembra detta con allegria eccessiva e con un sorriso. Questa sua evidente vitalità a volte la rende pesante a chi ancora non la conosca bene, ma non è così per Amnon che ha sempre adorato il modo in cui l’energia di lei riesca a dare una luce nuova to all surfaces.
"But to hear it from your voice is something else." She smiles shyly. "And then you must tell me what to do now and where you go next year. And I want to know if Pisa is always the same and if our friends are doing well .... and if I have forgiven. "Whispered a small voice.
"you're stupid!" The girl can not resist a slap to pull his neck.
"Ouch! I'm driving, "he protested weakly.
"It's nothing. Certain things you do not even think of idiots! "
Rachel does not want his friend to remember now that winter day, began chatting with an absurd conversation, which still has impressed in memory.
"I will return to Italy. I have drawn. "Rachel had tried to call him, he wanted to hear his voice, but he continued to reject the call.
"Fucking answer me." He quickly typed on her keyboard.
"I'm sorry, I do not feel to hear your lecture."
"No, stupid! What do you think? I just wanted to hear your voice. "
" I'd rather not. "
" Parties soon? "
" In a couple of hours. "Then it was passed on him was off-line. Rachel was angry, disgusted by the behavior of children. At the same time scared to death, even if it was not made account.
"It will be a swift war, they say." He tried to console his father at dinner that evening.
"Usually when the military says it takes at least ten years." He answered her, filling his mouth.
Centonovantanottesimo day. I dreamed last night
Gal, My desire haunted.
Maybe I still love how they love the things forbidden and far.
stand by him in Gaza has been painful, like salt on a wound.
Being there in that situation, perhaps in danger of dying and not being able to caress. I could not tighten once again to his chest.
In our unity we all know. They know how I dealt with that well I broke four ribs the heart.
Yet I still dream about it because it was my first boyfriend and six years are so many, even if you are making the horns, even if at some point we want even more good.
At this point I think it will be my only boy.
Too bad, I would have liked to try the boredom of a stable relationship, to live with someone.
I do not know why, but I always imagined a distant future, a decent and comfortable apartment for me and my hypothetical prince ... then I have no great pretensions, just love me, well that's true.
A little 'as if they want my parents.
And maybe even that good in bed, which never hurts. And sweet. I closed with the assholes.
In fact, I'm done with everything. I heard
confabulation doctors and my parents at some point. I have the blood of the patient, perhaps a form of leukemia.
I do not care to know the name of death, which comes soon enough.
After all I deserve. I was talking about
Gal.
He now has a boy younger than us, who is doing community service that he says he loves so much.
I'm sure you love him more than he loved me, I was not so lucky.
I hurt her eyes, a yellow light filter that hurts me.
Adoni, please let me die.
After the war, Rachel had been waiting in vain a message or email. Had said "no fall" and not to worry, he would have made me feel. A week later still nothing, three unanswered emails and no surprises in chat. Messages on both cell phone numbers-the Italian and Israeli-infinite now. Ten days and still nothing, not even the phones ringing. She was just the anxiety of Rachel, who grew in my throat along with a bit more bitter resentment.
"Why not try to call home, I'm sorry?" He had advised her best friend. So one night, after many hesitations, and had alarmed his parents? And if the number was no longer state that? Or if he simply did not want to hear it? - dialed the number on the keyboard. And still nothing.
Stubborn, he tried until he finally had answers. Amnon said to her father, a voice unrecognizable.
"Yes it's back, but unfortunately not at home."
"Why?"
"It is not right. It is in the hospital. "
" It 's been hurt? "
" No, it was sick. Very high fever, convulsions, perhaps an infection which started the liver. The doctors say the tests are not good at all. "It seemed that a jet of cold water hit his chest straight to the heart, the muscles twitched suddenly. "I'll tell him you called, although the disease does not respond much. "
Centonovantacinquesimo day.
Today I feel a bit 'better. Perhaps they are the drugs that throw me a bit 'up, but it's as if my body did not want to surrender to death.
But that cruelty, if I die, I might as well stop gorging on drugs. Today I heard
ancestors speaking to me and I think I even answered him.
He told me that Rachel has called home and was very worried about me. I have no phone with me, otherwise I would send a message.
But to say things in the space of one hundred words? And without being certain to arrive.
I would write a letter, but I do not have the strength. Maybe tomorrow.
I miss my sister. And maybe a little 'tips too.
Luckily she's different from me, she's good, she is special. And 'why Adoni has blessed with intelligence and sensitivity and with so many people around who love her.
Because if you know even a little, 'my sister, you can not love her. Mica
'm saying it's perfect, not at all. But it is precisely because it is so beautiful and I get angry when the world wants to hurt her.
I open my eyes a bit ', it's dark and a bit' creepy. The ears are buzzing again, let me go back to nothing.
"You know, probably this is the last summer we spend here with my parents. "He says, making her way toward the elevator. "I'm thinking of taking a rented room with other guys."
"But never return to Italy to finish college?"
"I no longer want. I prefer to work, you're the Genius of the situation. "
" But you've thought it all right? It 's a sin, you were going very well. "
" I did not feel, however, to return to Italy, is too far from home. If we were to think back I can always sign up here in Tel Aviv, but for now I do not have any intention. Do not blame me. "
" But I figured ... It 's just that I always thought you liked to study. "
" I feel old, I have lost my time. You have three years younger than me and you have a doctorate. No, I do not have time to study. "And then to work in the NGO I am good, I like it. At the bottom is a bit 'realize what we've always done, right? Instead of talking about peace, at least now I do something. "Blushes.
"We never talked about and that's it. You never talked about and nothing else. You've been several times in the Territories with the NGO, you went to Genoa, while I was at home .. "
" You were tiny. "
" You're not the sort of person who just talk. You have always been committed to the cause of LGBT is here e. that in Italy. "
" What does it matter, that's for convenience. How come you always say you? Shishero pro domo ... "
" Ci-ce-ro. Cicero pro domo her. Cicero is the Latin name of Cicero, "she laughs, taking him by the arm." Anyway, I do not think all gays are active in the world, so do not come and tell me that is a choice of convenience. You are one who cares about others. "
" And this does not stop me from a gun. "Amnon breaks away from her with an abrupt gesture.
"Technically you have put a gun in his hand." Notes Rachel. "It's not your fault you were born before that by introducing the civil service. "
" I could not introduce myself. Or to refuse. "
" Finally the court martial and still be forced to go ... and maybe even find it on the front line? Very nice gain. And then your conscience prevents you from doing something that does not feel right. "
" War is not fair. E 'useless. "Rachel comes up to him again.
"You have to stop feeling guilty."
"I do not want to talk."
Amnon escape the gaze of her, a bit 'sad, a bit' in disbelief and starts toward the door. Rachel realizes that it is not appropriate to continue the conversation, at least for the moment.
The apartment is cool, even too much because the air conditioning kept the temperature is too low.
whole house is in shadow, to protect from the sun too strong semi sudden darkness gives almost bored eyes.
"Rachel!" The mother of Amnon, Myriam, welcomes with open arms. For she is like a daughter. "How are you? But that woman you've become! You are more beautiful. "He stroked her cheek and kisses her forehead. Please note that travel and Amnon - "the crabby" - the well being treated.
"Do your luggage to your room." Sort by decision.
"The road is not difficult. "Amnon Ride across the hall and opening the door to the last room at the end.
"I hope that is not a problem sleeping in the same room." He mutters, his voice more.
"But shut up, go!" She jokes. "I should be ashamed of my big brother.?" Ironically, looking around. The room is not very big, the bed and the cot assembled for the occasion, almost touching. When Amnon turns on the light, Rachel plays guess the posters on the wall: singers, athletes and actors. It looks like the room of a sixteen year old. Some posters, in fact, be more than ten years old, the edges are curled and yellowed white, others are new. Here and there among the posters there are pictures cut from magazines, collages and drawings: no stretch of wall was left free.
"It 's a bit shocking, is not it?" Said Amnon with a grimace. "But at least I remember that once I was a kid. Mom did not loose anything when I'm gone. "
Centonovantaduesimo day.
I woke up dreaming of screaming or yelling.
not remember another such intense pain in my entire life. My ears still the sound of mortars. I
infinitely crushed and was every bit pain. I opened his eyes without seeing, I closed my eyes and I felt too.
I tried to pray, but I was not the words. Poor stupid what they are.
Mommy, mommy dear, where are you?
do not know what I threw up, I twisted in the bed and muscles ached. I could not breathe, I really thought about dying.
waiting for the end, I counted the seconds.
Then came the light, I took away from my nest of blankets. I was wet with blood.
I wanted to lose consciousness, but could not.
do not know what I have done, I just know that there was more pain and that seemed endless. And the more it hurt, I was more awake.
Then, finally, I fell asleep.
"Tonight you have dinner here, boys, or go out?" Asks Myriam, entering the room.
"I take her out to eat, if you do not mind, Mom." Rachel can not help but notice how the voice of Amnon tremble every time he has to express a thought.
"No, just imagine! I'm glad if you come out and have fun, you know. Come into the kitchen, so we have a chat before it comes to errands. "Li invites. They cross the hall again and sat in the room, all three around the wooden table. "You already have a program for the next few days?"
"I would go to see some ancient ruins." Rachel spoke.
"But I'll take you where you want, you know little sister." Amnon smiles. "For you are even willing to wake up at five o'clock. "
" That, for him as a lazy, amounts to a huge effort, "she laughs again, going to take a brand new road atlas and placing it on the table. "Here you go, so you can make all the plans you want. What do you want to drink, you prefer a cold, a coca-cola or juice? "Asks politely.
"An iced tea, please." Rachel smiled, while continuing to focus Amnon places on the map.
Centonovantesimo days (?) Black
total. A series of cobwebs.
I do not know what to say about some days, why do not you remember them.
remain alone in the house, is still too hot to go out. Amnon still nursed a glass of tea, which tasted a few sips cautiously.
She studied his brother, trying not to show it. Now that the excitement embrace him once more was a bit 'disposed of, try to understand what you do not come into the picture. Amnon is there in front of her, as was the friend of all time, yet it is not. There are many small differences compared to the previous image that has him.
First up, the more uncertain and woody. And the smile that is not so bright. It feels as if he were the differences game on the Week Puzzles and this estrangement is the only so that you do not get to cry, asking god to an unlikely thing he has done his sweet big brother.
Amnon's eyes are as veiled in a fog, as if between him and the world there are opaque lenses which do not allow the vision. Macrabi filters.
In between is the horror, pain, fear and shame, but Rachel can not imagine what's real, what it all means.
Not that it was somehow prepared, right from their conversations on Skype was guessed that something had changed. And to make matters worse, they all advised that Amnon is "still in shock, poor boy, traumatized."
The ticking clock together with their breathing, is the only audible noise.
"you have become silent." She says, looking distracted.
"Want to go get some sleep?" I suppose you'll be tired for the trip. "He says, continuing to pursue the course of his thoughts.
"I would love to do a shower instead." He asks.
Centottantanovesimo day.
Dear Rachel, my dear sister ...
I forced my mother to write a note for me, I do not have the strength.
you forgive me?
do not know if my letter will arrive, because the mother started crying and kept telling myself that I can not write certain things, you'll only worry. But
leave without saying goodbye is not it even more ugly?
I love so much, dear Rachel, I wish I could embrace.
If you happen, think of me and I remember that I will love you forever.
I know that I was not even a good friend and a good brother, how I wanted. You give too much trust the people.
Your girl will stay close, I'm sure.
not come to the funeral, that things are always sad and I know you hurt.
Sometimes a phone call to my mom, because I know you feel so lonely and she wants you so much, but just can not write my ticket and continues to cry.
Then I bid you farewell as well, in my head, sister, and I hope that somehow you will.
not be sad because it is better for everyone.
Amnon collapses on the bed, after giving Rachel everything you need to wash. It feels infinitely tired and inadequate.
afraid.
It 'obvious that Rachel find it strange, he is strange, he seems to be the ghost of what once was.
Occasionally fragments of what was emerging from under the skin because it would get out and push, but Amnon knows that would only be a short flashback, then apathy and sadness would take over again and it would be worse.
not be the same, he has no desire back to being himself.
no longer want to live.
squeezes the sheets, we would be happy to cry if it were alone, but does not want to scare his little sister.
closes his eyes, lips and greenhouse screams inside himself, as he learned to do during those endless days.
The taste of blood passes once more into the nostrils and throat.
eightieth day
Today my mother told me that there is another guy in my condition.
And maybe a couple more in Jerusalem. After all, death is not original. Even though I'm starting to think that I do not really want to.
My body feels better, I have bursts of lucidity longer. Even fever is beginning to decline. I have yet to what I said in return.
Today I asked the nurse is to change the drip ... is a lady so sweet, like something out of fairy tales. A granny ... not as I remember mine, a big woman plump and despotic.
I wonder how this lady has to maintain its softness after many years of work so ungrateful.
I asked how many days I have left.
"Adonai only knows."
"I have a tumor? Leukemia? "
" But no, Amnon. "I was surprised that he remembered my name.
"It 's just a bad infection, but the worst seems past. You have to be strong for another bit '. "He caresses her head.
"I have a glass of water?" He gave me to drink the water burned.
"You will do well, try to drink more often."
Rachel extends the time in the shower trying to wash away the tiredness and anxiety. Here it is, everything went well.
"Your brother is alive, you've touched, you have squeezed between the arms is real." Repeats. But nothing can dispel the feeling that you are in front of her rather than a hologram or a metal clone.
Where did the boy who always smiled and that made her feel so good? Because now he puts almost uncomfortable?
Yet the two of them have been friends forever.
Amnon's father is of Italian origin and still has cousins in Livorno, so take the family every summer for a couple of weeks in a cooler place (Rachel had always wondered how that city could be furnace cooler ).
So, who knows when they met, perhaps through friends of friends ... Rachel does not remember exactly when, but certainly knows how every summer, the presence of the children who speak two words of Italian crippled, but always had a smile for all, rejoice.
Then they came up with the teens and the first holiday for "boys only" around Italy or Europe light-heartedness to have the world at your feet.
In the group, between the two of them had always been a particular aim. Both timid, with a shared passion for music and the world. Once past the language barrier, thanks to a little British English, but perfectly functional, it was easy to open the way for a beautiful and well-established friendship, cemented by the lack of mutual attraction.
Then, as often happens, were lost with the first loves and most age groups, which had brought Rachel and Amnon the military college.
Occasionally she received postcards or letters from his "friend forced into the army."
They had often talked together Amnon was smiling and joking:
"Unfortunately the nature has made me perfect enough that it can not be reformed."
Then somehow the time was spent apparently painless, bringing the fruit is good news.
"I come to study in Pisa."
"Sister," was how she had always known. "Think you can find a hole somewhere for me?" He said via Skype.
"Why?"
"I signed a Science of Culture in Pisa." Rachel made a funny face.
"Stop joking."
"I'm not kidding, I swear. I need to live a little 'out of here. "
"And why the hell you are registered in Italy?"
"Because my English is painful and you know it. It is also the only place where my father never let me go for so long ... And so we will close, no? Even though I know you now, you're almost done. But this time, at least, not to fail your degree. "He laughed.
"Crazy you are. Then I start to look for something, who knows ... maybe we could well end up living together. "
" I do not mind at all being with my sister. I am a housewife, you know? I also learned how to iron the shirts! "
" But to marry that man you are! "The laughter of both spread the quivering long noisy line.
Centosettantottesimo days
Today dad took me to read a book because now I can concentrate. I always liked to read so much, I need to relax.
"It's not that you could take the I-pod?" I asked. I missed my music.
I was always out of tune, I can not play an instrument, but the music I like, makes me happy. And I love going to concerts.
"Sure." He said the father. I noticed his eye sockets deep, seemed to have one hundred years. I felt guilty.
At least from that time would no longer be obliged-he and the mom-to spend the night with me.
I still feel weak, sometimes my head starts to spin and I can not get out of bed. Sometimes I fear that this condition will never end.
"We're already prepared to exit." He says, when Rachel's beat him on the shoulder, rousing from her thoughts. "How beautiful you are."
"Stop telling me, kind of a pimp, or I'll tell Stephanie the thing." She jokes.
"When is your better half?" Informs you, trying to smile.
"In two weeks, just after the exam session." She says, sitting next to him, regardless of the wide skirt that flutters everywhere. "Come on, prepared to go out, tramp. What you get? "Amnon gets up and opens the closet with a mechanical gesture." You give me some advice? "Without answering, Rachel gets up and starts to open the drawers.
"Try these, they seem nice." I suggested, pulling out a pair of white pants and wide.
"Do not be too white for me?" He asks.
"Maybe it's good once you learn how to eat without stain to." The Rachel teases. "And then it takes on something colorful. Oh, the problem is in your closet to find something that is not so colorful. To put that case now you have gray-green shirt in my honor? "She laughs. Amnon did not the courage to confess that now those colors, which he liked so much, can no longer wear them. Not that his tastes have changed, it feels just a sad clown with those pastel shades on and look gray. But I do not want to sadden again. Rachel's offers a pale pink shirt with a design on the pocket.
"This should gotta be good." Suggests. Amnon still dazed with clothes in hand.
"Well, what are you waiting for? Want to go out, big brother? "Asks gently.
"Maybe. Thank you. "
Centossettantacinquesimo days
Today Layla and Gal came to visit.
Layla is my neighbor when we were children often played together on the landing.
E 'Gal's cousin, she presented it to me.
I think for her it was a blessing that I went to Italy when we broke up, otherwise she would be pressed between two fires. Two hysterical queens do not wish for anyone. Gal
I did not expect was, in fact I would have preferred not to be so hypocritical.
It hurts to know that he came only for the sake of courtesy.
gave me a DVD, so I can vedermelo when I'm bored.
Gal told me that two other people on our team were bad, but are now out of danger. I know, maybe there was something in the water or food.
O maybe you were the debolucci the company. "I did not like his tone of mockery, I'm not weak.
Or at least I was not.
Leyla, before leaving, he told me to call for anything he needs.
But why do I need anything?
would just like a grave to rest in peace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)