Scalloped Potatoes Campbells Soup

[At the edge of the rainbow] Liquid Storm 1.2

"In Western culture is the purification of water, washing and refreshment, and the sea. It 'an illusion. I am a child of sand and desert. The desert purifies the soul. "
" Well ... it is something related to asceticism, in fact. "
" The fire burns, the sand dries. In the desert there are no noises and the sun is more direct and strong .. you are alone with your thoughts and the only music you hear is your breath. It 's the best way to remember that basically belong only to yourself, as you will alienate the world. "Rachel closed her eyes and the words seem even more true. Amnon
sits on the spur of rock, contemplating nothing around Masada.
"When I returned from the war I had a recurring dream. Come here and let me fall down the rock and roll, like a rock or a lizard, dying before they reach the bottom. "He feels the shudder of revulsion friendly companion to that idea, he turns and looks at it, removing glasses sun.
"I would never do, life is a gift. And here there is a risk of losing it all too often, suicide is the most insulting possible. In this country you are not free to end your life when you please. "Ride gently, then got up, getting his hands dirty with the dust covering the rocks.
He wipes his hands on his jeans, he offers a hand to his feet and hugged her, with a deep sigh as the belly of the earth.
The visit to the ruins of the city has something mystical and impressive, it's like walking you could still feel the breath of people who lived and died up here.
not seem strange if in the midst of this fiery light from the walls where residues fresco give an idea of magnificent scenes, blood oozing resistance zealot.
"It 's amazing what people have always been attached to the earth." Pronunciation Amnon, slowly. "And to this land in particular." He bent down, picking up a handful of dust and rocks in the bony hand.
Rachel hugs him from behind, stroking his hair. The void that opens up every now and then in the eyes of his friend scares her so much.
Maybe because he knew so and idealist, but also happy and in love with life ... now that security seems to fly away somewhere, like a raven croaking that goes over their heads.
Amnon came to his senses and wipes her hand on his jeans and smiles at her friend, grabbing his arm gratefully.
"Do not worry about me, I'm fine." Gently caresses her cheek, a simple gesture of pure love.
She is aware of the lie, is aware that this abyss of his pain in the chest does not fill so easily. The next is silent ... besides, there's not much I can do before something that can not fully understand.



Centosettantesimo day.
do not know what came over me today. I can not open my eyes, I can hardly breathe.
My ears whistle.
I can smell the gun in his nostrils. Gunpowder, sweat and lead.
tremble.
I fell?
We have to go on a mission, but I do not like. Why
shooting people?
Even the worst of the murderers-and these are-murderers do not deserve the death penalty.
you just kill for pleasure, they make sacrifices.
Mom, help me.

are on track to take the funicular, it is too hot to walk the path of the snakes as they did that morning at dawn.
"Did you have fun?" He asked, surprising to send a message.
"Lots," replied Rachel, eyes wide. "Doubted it?"
"Actually ... no." he chuckles. "You were writing to Stephanie?" Rachel smiles thinking about the confidence with which Amnon pronounce the name of his girlfriend, he has never known.
"Yes. If no worries. "Jest Rachel and Amnon can not help but notice that her facial features are softened even more when talking about her.
"I envy you a little 'smile, you know?" He whispered. She gives him a kiss on the cheek because it knows well what he is suffering from loneliness.
"Well, we do tonight?" Change the subject the boy, going to the exit and barely concealing a yawn.

Centossessantaseiesimo days
"Rachel?" my voice is trembling more than usual.
"Amnon" I feel like screaming. "How are you?"
"Better"
"Are you home?"
"No, I'm still in the hospital." Prisoner. "How are you? And the view? "
" I'm fine, here it is business as usual. I delivered, I graduate in ten days. "
" Oh. "I once again lost some pieces. "So I gonna lose again .."
"Do not worry." Joked her other side. "No justification! Just try to recover and rest. "
" That 's what I have been advising all. " I hissed.
"As soon as I can get down to see you, I want to give you a Big hugs Teddy."
"Thank you sister."
"Write me as soon as you can, ok?" So we said goodbye.


"Is it possible that there is no one that interests you? And do not tell me that in addition to not having time to study, do not even have time to fall in love. "I wonder Rachel, while they drive home.
"None." Her cheeks are reddened him. 'S one of those moments where the old Amnon reappears, unable to hide their cooked her best friend.
"Who is he?"
"Forget it, it's stupid." Search to defend him.
"It 's stupid because they do not consider you stupid or is the fact that you are in love with him?"
"I have not said I'm in love!" His voice rises in a sharp involuntary.
"In love, infatuated .. we will not discuss the semantics so that I win. Who is it? "
" I do not know. And it's stupid. And I'm not infatuated. We say that is a beautiful watch that's all. "
" I want the name. "She urges him.
"Shimon. His name is Shimon, maybe you will have spoken. "Amnon blush, and focuses on the road.
"Mr-are-the-more-cool-activist-for-Israel"? What you said often be the star of Agudah that would bring all the boys to bed, but that apparently does not allow itself very easily? "Rachel imitates him, looking in the rearview mirror and pleased to be able to imitate perfectly the expressions when Amnon speaks.
"But damn you, do not you ever forget anything about the crap I tell you on Skype?"
"By your misfortune my memory is of iron. And you're obsessed when you talk to people."
"But if you leave I have spoken more than once. "
" More or less I've talked to him every time you went to the center. I was beginning to suspect that I did it on purpose to see him. And then I knew from before, right? "
" I wish we had known \u0026lt;/ b> you! "he sighs.
"Pig! You men just think about that. "I tease her.
"You should be happy that at least I think that and not to Gal." Amnon you realize you have made a gaffe, told Rachel that Gal, she gently called "The Jerk", you think again.
"Amnon, you're hopeless."
"Thank you, my love, I love you too much. Bitch. "He laughs. Rachel throws a pinch on the side, making him jump.

Centosessantatresimo days
Today I finally did raise, in a few days I can go home. I saw my reflection in the window for a moment: a corpse.
The bodies should not stand.
My mother supported me, helped by the nurse, I made a few steps and I began to tremble.
do not know what to do with my life. I can not go on as if nothing had happened.
I'm afraid ... I'm so afraid that I can not even be happy.
My mother stroked my face and called me "my baby" with tenderness.
are no longer your baby, mom.
Gal may be right, I am weak. I'm too sensitive. Stupid little man.
because everyone else does not feel as empty as me?


The summer heat makes the air almost suffocating in Tel Aviv. During the hottest hours of the day is not much left to do but stay indoors with the air conditioning on and wait at least decrease the heat a bit '.
The two friends would sit and watch a music DVD, but shot down by Amnon seems too hot to do his usual work on the hot ass singer.
"I get angry if I rest a bit '? You know I'm not used to waking up early in the morning. "Rachel gives him a tongue and stroking his head.
"You are a dormouse." Teases him, but then let him fell asleep next to her.
"Want a cold lemonade?" Interrupts Miriam, the mother of Amnon, who shakes his head, laughing to see the child asleep.
"I do not have the slightest sense of how to treat one's guests. I said, you like some lemonade? "She agrees with courtesy and follows her friend in the kitchen.
"Amnon is very relaxing." Began Rachel, trying to strike up a conversation.
"Fortunately, yes. That's good you came. Although still very tired. "
" Since I know him, he always stayed so much! "I laugh. "I am that I can never sleep more than six hours a night and I still can feel perfectly awake."
"We women are made of a different dough, which can you do? We used to always get away by themselves. "
" At the end of the beginning of the world women are always pulling on the cart ... and sometimes the horse! "Proclaim.
'It is true. In my family, for example, if it were not for my grandmother and my mother who knows that we would never end. "I said back seriously." There are things that you can not write, not even the best writer in the world could do it. Perhaps even God "The intense look in your eyes while I finish my drink.
I would have so much to ask, but as always I'm afraid to annoy people.
"You know, me and David" is the name of the father of Amnon we were on the verge of separation for this winter ... "fault" of our child. But sin is a wrong word, because he certainly has nothing to do with a world that is upside down. "
" What do you mean? "I ask, fearing that it is the usual acceptance speech, homosexuality children: the parents of Amnon, unlike mine, has never been challenged or demonstrated concern, nor even outrage at the sexual orientation of the child, which always seemed to me highly unlikely.
"David has proposed to leave Italy in order not to be invoked." Gravely replies, sitting up.
"This would have meant losing citizenship, probably ... or at least spend some serious trouble." Goal.
"Above all, it was becoming an alien in his country. What my husband does not understand is that in a world like this we need a house to embrace you and support you. "He speaks to me with a warm voice. "And if there's one thing I hope I have communicated to my son, is that membership is something that is won with the respect, love, hate is not born."
"And then, if I know well the sense of duty Amnon, will not waver for a moment has arrived when the communication. "Comment. Because I know him, although it has a very critical decision, Amnon is not a revolutionary, never go against something imposed by an institution, even if it conflicts with his conscience.
"David is still considered Italian, and sometimes judges with the same conceit to-forgive-you Europeans. No, it's never quite been able to adapt to life on the other side of the Mediterranean. Feel foreign here as in Italy .... and pretend that everyone feels that way. "He smiles suddenly. "But I'm bored with this talk of old. Tonight programs that you have? "He asks, without giving me time to respond.
"I still do not know, I think it will emerge as usual. "he says, blushing. Since arriving here, the two boys were not home one evening. "I need to stun me." The confessed him, under the influence of one of these nights.
"I know I should not say this ... but I'd be happy if you find someone. I think that would be good. "Commented the woman.
"Even with this, Mom?" Says Amnon hit, running a hand through his hair, entering the kitchen with the air still sleepy.


Centocinquantottesimo days
House.
I collapsed in my bed, I wrapped in my sheets green water and I started to cry, until eyes I was not too badly hurt and I fell asleep.
This room does not seem to not even mine.
Yet I chose with care the poster, I have posters of my favorite movies, the seats of the singers that I love and a zoomed image of a greek temple.
looks like the room of a stranger.
My mother has changed places with my backpack military, must have hidden somewhere, is the first thing I checked.
are healed or nearly so, but this did not cure the rift that I feel in soul and that hurts a lot more meat.
Mom I cooked the rice, because for now I only eat things light. It was the first real meal not know when, but they are not able to swallow more a few tablespoons.
The doctors said I riabituerò with a little 'patience and that this fatigue will pass.
They say it is normal that I feel lost, so after a long illness.
possible that no one understands the reason for my sick?
Today, I heard Rachel, has promised to come visit in June, because until then it will work.
I also want to find something to do.
But who would want someone like me?

The music is also too high to be outdoors, is that the technology does not like. Does that seem all too loud and inelegant. And he is also tired of dancing, because at every step approach it and some did not desire to repeat the usual information ("Yes, I speak Hebrew, no, I'm Israeli and yes, I got a girl at home waiting for me"), so decided to sit on wet sand near the seashore.
"I wonder what is a grain of sand on the beach itself ... and how many prints are left over there ..." whispers a song in a whisper, looking up at the stars, then pulls out his cell phone to write a mail to Stephanie.
"Because I do not ever want anybody, eh?" A very drunk Amnon the rushes on him, staggering in the sand.
Rachel takes him by the hand and pulls him to sit down.
"What do you mean?" smiles, brushes her hair.
"I did not seize any of me .." continues to complain.
"You're not very attractive, in these conditions." She jokes, taking her hand. "And tonight I will be better to lead the way back."
"Nobody wants me because I know with blood."
"I really know about alcohol."
"I am a murderess." He says taking a bit 'of sand at the mouth.
"What are you doing?" Rachel remains motionless, without understanding.
"This fucking earth deserves only to be eaten. Sometimes I would swallow us all, all of us in one gulp. At least we stop with this crap all of them, no? Both the ground mica asks you what religion you are. "China's head on her shoulder and began to cry.
"I thought I would wake him every night of this nightmare ... I expected. And when I got the fever I thought "now I'll be fine." You know, Adoni basically loves me. Why does it take well to everyone. Mica cares what your name is, what color your skin or who you go to bed. It takes well in his infinite sadism. It 's like an autistic child with a gun in his hand. I wanted to be hit, you know? But the nightmare returns always chasing me. "Rachel hugs strong, confident that they are talking about too many cocktails. He bet on a hand
her shoulder and Rachel can only guess his eyes burning.
"You know how many people I killed? You know, you who always have an answer? "The power of it is heavy and tight, almost hurts. Then he throws to the ground, face in the sand.
"You tell me, because I do not know." Mumbles, grab the ground with his hands.



Centocinquantaquattresimo day.
Chaim and Rita came to see me today, since it is Saturday. My parents were very happy, I think it is a burden for them.
I mean, they see me hanging around all day in bed and desk. I do not want to go out, do not feel up to now. When I stand it seems as though fall at any moment.
I started drawing again, I do not even know why.
I always liked to draw.
I started as a child by copying the drawings of comic books or children's books, then I have always scribbled everywhere.
say I have a decent hand. Usually I end up drawing on white paper and some pencils. Or a few years I bought a tablet to stick to my Mac and drawing directly on the computer with that.
I never draw people, at least they are stylized, comic book type. But I like to create plants and animals that seem almost alive.
Drawing makes me feel good.
What was I saying? Ah, yes, our friends came to visit.
Chaim wanted to remain alone with me in my room. I was afraid I would criticize, but I only hug.
"I know how it feels." I said, simply. He became the first Lebanon war, but those days are not ever want to talk.
He told me that they need someone in his NGO "hakeshtot leshalom, rainbows for Peace, to take charge of external relations and translate into English and fill out forms for funding. The accountant who is dealing with before you are laid off and left them a bit 'discovered.
"Do not answer me now." I said.
"Okay. Thank you, but that's okay. I have to do something ... But are you sure you want me? " He smiled and stroked his head.
When we talked about at the dinner table with my parents I realized that in reality she had already spoken earlier. I do not care if they do it for pity or anything else ... boredom makes me think too much.
And if I think I get ideas in your head.


The road to home seems to end, each meter under the yellowish light of a lamp post wrapped in humidity at night.
And the air is heavy and sticky, sweaty old velvet.
"Why do not you leave me in the street? Not worth it to take me back, not worth it. "He shouted.
"And leave you at four o'clock at night on the streets of Tel Aviv to do that?" tries to play her. "Then your mother who will explain that you're not coming home?"
"There it is always a reason. And you think those other are made as if the reason? No one ever thinks of the other mothers. "Mumbles, beating his head against the glass.
"And to your other you think? What is speech? But I also lose my time to pretend that you are lucid. "Rachel is almost irritated by talk of him, held strong the steering wheel and pushes the accelerator. He wants a bed, he wants the delirium ends as soon as possible.
"I'm tired." She whispered, suddenly calming down and letting go against the backrest.
"I, too, a bit '." She murmured, brushing his cheek.
"Sometimes I feel like a bat locked in a closet. Crashing into the walls and each time the orientation worsens. And it's all just black and suffocating. I have a headache. "He complained.
"If you had drank a little 'less ..." notes Rachel.
"Sex and alcohol awareness mutes, no?" His voice becomes shrill.
"The sex I do not know, but alcohol does not seem to have a big effect." Jest Rachel.
"Without it would be even worse. You have no idea that I refuse I feel sometimes. "Growls, then collapses to shot and the girl is almost grateful the sudden silence, because that scares her suffering.
But only when he finally slips to secure the bed in the room cooled by air conditioning and sends a message to his beautiful you really feel safe.


sesquicentennial days
Today I went out with Leyla. We went to get coffee all'Azrieli, as we used to do this summer. It 'been patient with me and I have done wrong, without bothering to hide the gaps that sometimes they take me.
It 's like if I felt the urge to escape ... because if not the memory back there where I do not want it to go. And I block.
'E' excellent that you start to work. But then you do not plan to return to Italy? "
" Right now it's impossible. "I said, embarrassed, watching the asphalt. "I'm having trouble leaving the house, as sopravvivrei abroad?" I have not tried to drive my car, because the very idea terrifies me.
I could kill someone.
Or I could crash, but this perspective I do not mind that much.
"We could go to the movies one of these nights." I suggested.
"I have to ask my boyfriend." He prevaricated her.
"I'm not going to pounce." I replied, but from the look embarrassed her I realized it was just a polite way to say no.
"And your friend does not come to see you?" He asked with a hint of disgust.
"Rachel, you say?" Leyla is somewhat jealous of her, though I never understood why.
"Yes, it will be in June. For now, we feel every day. "Fortunately. She's my little candle of hope.


not talk about the night before Rachel does not want to seem obsessive and Amnon feels guilty for having shown to her in those conditions. And in the morning it discounts the effects: it is not very good. It has not been able to put down anything for breakfast and the liver makes him again a bit 'evil but tries to ignore the pain, does not want to worry about either others or himself.
"Let me drive a little 'me, just tell me where to go. Both the road to Akko not cross the checkpoint areas. "The whispers loving her, stroking her hair.
"Thanks." Submissive responds, handing over the keys. "I'm sorry."
"Do not apologize. I think last night you really overdid it a bit. ', He answered, trying to be sweet.
'E' that since I was sick no longer support him so well. Maybe I'm used to it. "
" This is not necessarily a bad thing! "
" Eh, but if not I drink I can not guess. "
" Again with this? "
" No, I'm serious this time. The fact is that ... I can not approach. I can not if I do not drink. You know how I am. "
" I think you should stop going to look for kids who think only of that. You'd need an adult. "
" If you find a gay "adult" who is less than fifty years and is not engaged me a whistle that I'll be right. "


Centoquarantasettesimo days
My little sister graduated and this time I was not there with her I could not see her and complimented her glowing. But that has not
yield had time to regret my presence, she has many friends that love her and no one who does not deserve her.
I sent her a message and an e-mail, I'll call tomorrow, today I did not want to bother you with my voice and my listless apathy.
Lately I can not sleep. I say it's my fault that I'm not tired enough physically and to always stay in the house is not normal for me is sleep.
In reality the nightmares started again, as I close my eyes resent the smell of death, or worse .. the screaming silence. If I'm open eyes illuder to dispel the memories using the hours in some way, but if I stop I start to think.
And I'm sick.
I spend hours drawing, or to read and I started working. Currently I'm in the office-and I have not a contract because they are still recovering and the doctors do not trust me to stay too long away from home.
Sometimes I go out alone for an hour, I arrive on the beach to breathe the smell of the sea and to dream of the infinite, but then again the thoughts you do have to go back and letting trope.
I Agudah resumed contacts with the environment, I start to do some 'volunteers, now that I'm here. And maybe you know someone.
Although I'm not sure it can be very useful as a moral support right now.
I curl up in bed, scribbling something on my album. The mattress begins to vibrate under the weight of the phone.
"brother!"
"Rachel! You were very good! "
" Thank you. How are you? "
" I'm fine, do not worry about me. Enjoy the party. "I said.
"What were you doing?" She asked.
"I was coming out." I lied. "We feel another day, now I'm in the car." When I hung up I began to shake, I felt as if I had taken the fever again.


"We fled, leaving behind everything. What else could we do?
Your grandfather was a professor, people respected him, a man of culture. Then why the hell that Incarnate told them it was our fault that things went wrong, if people were hungry, we have become a target.
No one greeted us more for the road.
Your grandfather lost his job, the friends vaporisation.
What other choice if we do not try to leave? The
our own country we refused.
Who were we?
nothing, dust grains to sweep away with soap and grenade. "
Amnon feels the burning body between the sheets sticky, would wake up but can not. The voice of her grandmother's whistle pierces the ears like a siren. That husky voice and perpetually bitter .. Remember
well, although his grandmother died many years ago, when he held on his knees and told him the terrible things, with the intention of preparing him for the world.
He looked at her with eyes wide open and did not understand ... what's the renewal of the pain each time? There is a strange re-open a perverse pleasure in the crust and let the blood flow again, shining as before, the usual injury.
It 's a dangerous game.
mouth breathing, barely. He hopes that nearly doomed the fever is back and this time take him away, but knows that only the after-effects of alcohol and that tomorrow will still be able to get up, probably with a headache.
Yet sometimes want to scream, because the memories are a confusing puzzle. And what was the matter of different voice from her grandmother that of women who were shouting against the checkpoint?
E 'was many years ago, when he was a kid and did not understand why you had to spend three years of youth with a gun in his hand.
Not that he really understood the now, it's just that the carefree youth gone away like the sand of an hourglass.
"No!" Cries when he felt a hand grab her bare arm. Rachel finds herself staring with wide eyes.
"was breathing so strange that I was scared. I thought you were taking asthma. "She said, withdrawing her hand.
"I'm sorry. I can not sleep. Maybe I'm going to see me a bit ' TV and let you rest. "Responds embarrassed, hiding her eyes. He does not want them to see who is on the verge of tears because his pride would prevent that.
Rachel hugs him tight, catching him by surprise.
"Sometimes I do not understand where you went, ach Yakar " whispers, seeing the heart of him that still plays to imitate the sea.
"I do not know where they are." The answer, without self-pity, just as an obvious fact.
"You need to get some sleep '." I cuddle her, stroking her hair and saying what he did not have the courage to ask:
"I remain with you." Rachel relaxes playful head alongside that of Amnon on the same pillow. "Do not worry, I'm here." she whispered.
"And to think that I should be the big brother!"
"Never mind." She whispers, gently stroking her hair. "Now rest."



Centoquarantaquattresimo
day I started working.
I go to office by bike, so at least do a little 'movement, although I am very tired. Chaim told me to take my time, I can start two to three a day and still Oretta to tell when I am not well.
I hate that all are treating me like I'm still sick. I'm not so bad. Or better
I'm wrong, but there is no time or medicine that can cure my illness.
Sometimes ... sometimes I think God wants me so bad, I played a dirty trick to not want me with him.
Or maybe it's just too busy doing other things-and I hope it is an "other" more fun than watching human misery. "
And if you kill me?
It's not that .. just did not think that would be stupid if I'm still alive ... there must be a reason. Maybe.
And if there were? If my life had no fucking sense?
But so it is useless to take me seriously, I would never have the courage to commit suicide.
the end Gal is right, I'm just a weak coward.