[At the edge of the rainbow] Liquid Storm 1
A drop of sweat slides down the right side of evil to slip under the edge of his trousers.
Feel stronger that air stuffy and yet so alive. Count the seconds that holds its breath, to regulate the breath, sometimes the heart has accelerated suddenly, for no particular reason.
He looks scaly hands from the heat and have to laugh.
"Amnon" the loud cry of Rachel surprises him, catching him by surprise. Watch the friend move the glass door almost hopping with her long dancer's legs, wrapped in a flowered dress that flutters around.
He has with him only a trolley small, always surprises me how much luggage for her to be Spartans.
And how sweet it is when the light hits it right in her face and she quickly lowered her glasses, without slowing his ride toward him, her hair black night that softened even more face.
Probably not the kind of beauty that a heterosexual man would notice the street, because Rachel is not gushing or vulgar.
looks like a cornflower.
"brother!" Spring the suitcase on the floor and runs to embrace him with a rush, as if you do not realize good six inches of overhang.
"This I take it, sister." He says, picking up the trolley.
"But I was mad! I can perfectly well by myself. "She protested, but he shrugs and pretends not to hear either.
"It 's the trip went well?" We inform.
"Yes, yes. I'm so happy to see you, brother! "To be near again and kisses him on the cheek." You've also done better. "
" Thank you lie. "Ride him, opening the car door.
Two hundred days ago. Or maybe one hundred ninety-nine
. The days all look the same when you are suspended in a beneficial unconsciousness.
We can say that the disease can not remember that little glimpses of life, like a cut on a fountain canvas. Because really that sleep was a sheet of white light, the absence of something ... a tabula rasa, as Rachel would say, while the moments when the world was re-emerge in a slow sinking into a dark tunnel and painful.
It all started a few days before returning home, when they announced that the war was over. Or maybe a few days ago when we began to understand that it would be finished soon.
As a soldier you know some things.
I had pain everywhere, constant vomiting and fatigue.
not remember how I arrived at the hospital, or if before I got home.
were migraine days, the most intense I've ever caught and burned his stomach as if someone he lit a match in the stomach.
nurse gives me a levy on his arm, whispered to me something I do not understand it, perhaps to stop from shaking ... but do not do it voluntarily. My body moves on its own.
I know very well that a blood sample does not fall into the category of things they can do evil. "
pillow. The cushion that could clean the hospital ... It seemed a safe haven.
I think they started an IV with something inside of me burning ... I'm sure, because I bear the marks on both arms for some time.
"We will have lots to tell!" Rachel begins, slamming the car door. "I sapere tutto!”
“Bè, nella mia vita non ci sono grandi novità, credo che sarai tu a dover raccontare a me tante cose, a cominciare dalla tua laurea. A quanto pare non ero destinato a vederti splendere tra i professori.” Commenta con rammarico e vergogna, quasi si sentisse in colpa di aver mancato per la seconda volta la laurea dell’amica.
“Ma hai visto le foto! E ti ho già raccontato tutto via skype!” ogni cosa che Rachele dice, sembra detta con allegria eccessiva e con un sorriso. Questa sua evidente vitalità a volte la rende pesante a chi ancora non la conosca bene, ma non è così per Amnon che ha sempre adorato il modo in cui l’energia di lei riesca a dare una luce nuova to all surfaces.
"But to hear it from your voice is something else." She smiles shyly. "And then you must tell me what to do now and where you go next year. And I want to know if Pisa is always the same and if our friends are doing well .... and if I have forgiven. "Whispered a small voice.
"you're stupid!" The girl can not resist a slap to pull his neck.
"Ouch! I'm driving, "he protested weakly.
"It's nothing. Certain things you do not even think of idiots! "
Rachel does not want his friend to remember now that winter day, began chatting with an absurd conversation, which still has impressed in memory.
"I will return to Italy. I have drawn. "Rachel had tried to call him, he wanted to hear his voice, but he continued to reject the call.
"Fucking answer me." He quickly typed on her keyboard.
"I'm sorry, I do not feel to hear your lecture."
"No, stupid! What do you think? I just wanted to hear your voice. "
" I'd rather not. "
" Parties soon? "
" In a couple of hours. "Then it was passed on him was off-line. Rachel was angry, disgusted by the behavior of children. At the same time scared to death, even if it was not made account.
"It will be a swift war, they say." He tried to console his father at dinner that evening.
"Usually when the military says it takes at least ten years." He answered her, filling his mouth.
Centonovantanottesimo day. I dreamed last night
Gal, My desire haunted.
Maybe I still love how they love the things forbidden and far.
stand by him in Gaza has been painful, like salt on a wound.
Being there in that situation, perhaps in danger of dying and not being able to caress. I could not tighten once again to his chest.
In our unity we all know. They know how I dealt with that well I broke four ribs the heart.
Yet I still dream about it because it was my first boyfriend and six years are so many, even if you are making the horns, even if at some point we want even more good.
At this point I think it will be my only boy.
Too bad, I would have liked to try the boredom of a stable relationship, to live with someone.
I do not know why, but I always imagined a distant future, a decent and comfortable apartment for me and my hypothetical prince ... then I have no great pretensions, just love me, well that's true.
A little 'as if they want my parents.
And maybe even that good in bed, which never hurts. And sweet. I closed with the assholes.
In fact, I'm done with everything. I heard
confabulation doctors and my parents at some point. I have the blood of the patient, perhaps a form of leukemia.
I do not care to know the name of death, which comes soon enough.
After all I deserve. I was talking about
Gal.
He now has a boy younger than us, who is doing community service that he says he loves so much.
I'm sure you love him more than he loved me, I was not so lucky.
I hurt her eyes, a yellow light filter that hurts me.
Adoni, please let me die.
After the war, Rachel had been waiting in vain a message or email. Had said "no fall" and not to worry, he would have made me feel. A week later still nothing, three unanswered emails and no surprises in chat. Messages on both cell phone numbers-the Italian and Israeli-infinite now. Ten days and still nothing, not even the phones ringing. She was just the anxiety of Rachel, who grew in my throat along with a bit more bitter resentment.
"Why not try to call home, I'm sorry?" He had advised her best friend. So one night, after many hesitations, and had alarmed his parents? And if the number was no longer state that? Or if he simply did not want to hear it? - dialed the number on the keyboard. And still nothing.
Stubborn, he tried until he finally had answers. Amnon said to her father, a voice unrecognizable.
"Yes it's back, but unfortunately not at home."
"Why?"
"It is not right. It is in the hospital. "
" It 's been hurt? "
" No, it was sick. Very high fever, convulsions, perhaps an infection which started the liver. The doctors say the tests are not good at all. "It seemed that a jet of cold water hit his chest straight to the heart, the muscles twitched suddenly. "I'll tell him you called, although the disease does not respond much. "
Centonovantacinquesimo day.
Today I feel a bit 'better. Perhaps they are the drugs that throw me a bit 'up, but it's as if my body did not want to surrender to death.
But that cruelty, if I die, I might as well stop gorging on drugs. Today I heard
ancestors speaking to me and I think I even answered him.
He told me that Rachel has called home and was very worried about me. I have no phone with me, otherwise I would send a message.
But to say things in the space of one hundred words? And without being certain to arrive.
I would write a letter, but I do not have the strength. Maybe tomorrow.
I miss my sister. And maybe a little 'tips too.
Luckily she's different from me, she's good, she is special. And 'why Adoni has blessed with intelligence and sensitivity and with so many people around who love her.
Because if you know even a little, 'my sister, you can not love her. Mica
'm saying it's perfect, not at all. But it is precisely because it is so beautiful and I get angry when the world wants to hurt her.
I open my eyes a bit ', it's dark and a bit' creepy. The ears are buzzing again, let me go back to nothing.
"You know, probably this is the last summer we spend here with my parents. "He says, making her way toward the elevator. "I'm thinking of taking a rented room with other guys."
"But never return to Italy to finish college?"
"I no longer want. I prefer to work, you're the Genius of the situation. "
" But you've thought it all right? It 's a sin, you were going very well. "
" I did not feel, however, to return to Italy, is too far from home. If we were to think back I can always sign up here in Tel Aviv, but for now I do not have any intention. Do not blame me. "
" But I figured ... It 's just that I always thought you liked to study. "
" I feel old, I have lost my time. You have three years younger than me and you have a doctorate. No, I do not have time to study. "And then to work in the NGO I am good, I like it. At the bottom is a bit 'realize what we've always done, right? Instead of talking about peace, at least now I do something. "Blushes.
"We never talked about and that's it. You never talked about and nothing else. You've been several times in the Territories with the NGO, you went to Genoa, while I was at home .. "
" You were tiny. "
" You're not the sort of person who just talk. You have always been committed to the cause of LGBT is here e. that in Italy. "
" What does it matter, that's for convenience. How come you always say you? Shishero pro domo ... "
" Ci-ce-ro. Cicero pro domo her. Cicero is the Latin name of Cicero, "she laughs, taking him by the arm." Anyway, I do not think all gays are active in the world, so do not come and tell me that is a choice of convenience. You are one who cares about others. "
" And this does not stop me from a gun. "Amnon breaks away from her with an abrupt gesture.
"Technically you have put a gun in his hand." Notes Rachel. "It's not your fault you were born before that by introducing the civil service. "
" I could not introduce myself. Or to refuse. "
" Finally the court martial and still be forced to go ... and maybe even find it on the front line? Very nice gain. And then your conscience prevents you from doing something that does not feel right. "
" War is not fair. E 'useless. "Rachel comes up to him again.
"You have to stop feeling guilty."
"I do not want to talk."
Amnon escape the gaze of her, a bit 'sad, a bit' in disbelief and starts toward the door. Rachel realizes that it is not appropriate to continue the conversation, at least for the moment.
The apartment is cool, even too much because the air conditioning kept the temperature is too low.
whole house is in shadow, to protect from the sun too strong semi sudden darkness gives almost bored eyes.
"Rachel!" The mother of Amnon, Myriam, welcomes with open arms. For she is like a daughter. "How are you? But that woman you've become! You are more beautiful. "He stroked her cheek and kisses her forehead. Please note that travel and Amnon - "the crabby" - the well being treated.
"Do your luggage to your room." Sort by decision.
"The road is not difficult. "Amnon Ride across the hall and opening the door to the last room at the end.
"I hope that is not a problem sleeping in the same room." He mutters, his voice more.
"But shut up, go!" She jokes. "I should be ashamed of my big brother.?" Ironically, looking around. The room is not very big, the bed and the cot assembled for the occasion, almost touching. When Amnon turns on the light, Rachel plays guess the posters on the wall: singers, athletes and actors. It looks like the room of a sixteen year old. Some posters, in fact, be more than ten years old, the edges are curled and yellowed white, others are new. Here and there among the posters there are pictures cut from magazines, collages and drawings: no stretch of wall was left free.
"It 's a bit shocking, is not it?" Said Amnon with a grimace. "But at least I remember that once I was a kid. Mom did not loose anything when I'm gone. "
Centonovantaduesimo day.
I woke up dreaming of screaming or yelling.
not remember another such intense pain in my entire life. My ears still the sound of mortars. I
infinitely crushed and was every bit pain. I opened his eyes without seeing, I closed my eyes and I felt too.
I tried to pray, but I was not the words. Poor stupid what they are.
Mommy, mommy dear, where are you?
do not know what I threw up, I twisted in the bed and muscles ached. I could not breathe, I really thought about dying.
waiting for the end, I counted the seconds.
Then came the light, I took away from my nest of blankets. I was wet with blood.
I wanted to lose consciousness, but could not.
do not know what I have done, I just know that there was more pain and that seemed endless. And the more it hurt, I was more awake.
Then, finally, I fell asleep.
"Tonight you have dinner here, boys, or go out?" Asks Myriam, entering the room.
"I take her out to eat, if you do not mind, Mom." Rachel can not help but notice how the voice of Amnon tremble every time he has to express a thought.
"No, just imagine! I'm glad if you come out and have fun, you know. Come into the kitchen, so we have a chat before it comes to errands. "Li invites. They cross the hall again and sat in the room, all three around the wooden table. "You already have a program for the next few days?"
"I would go to see some ancient ruins." Rachel spoke.
"But I'll take you where you want, you know little sister." Amnon smiles. "For you are even willing to wake up at five o'clock. "
" That, for him as a lazy, amounts to a huge effort, "she laughs again, going to take a brand new road atlas and placing it on the table. "Here you go, so you can make all the plans you want. What do you want to drink, you prefer a cold, a coca-cola or juice? "Asks politely.
"An iced tea, please." Rachel smiled, while continuing to focus Amnon places on the map.
Centonovantesimo days (?) Black
total. A series of cobwebs.
I do not know what to say about some days, why do not you remember them.
remain alone in the house, is still too hot to go out. Amnon still nursed a glass of tea, which tasted a few sips cautiously.
She studied his brother, trying not to show it. Now that the excitement embrace him once more was a bit 'disposed of, try to understand what you do not come into the picture. Amnon is there in front of her, as was the friend of all time, yet it is not. There are many small differences compared to the previous image that has him.
First up, the more uncertain and woody. And the smile that is not so bright. It feels as if he were the differences game on the Week Puzzles and this estrangement is the only so that you do not get to cry, asking god to an unlikely thing he has done his sweet big brother.
Amnon's eyes are as veiled in a fog, as if between him and the world there are opaque lenses which do not allow the vision. Macrabi filters.
In between is the horror, pain, fear and shame, but Rachel can not imagine what's real, what it all means.
Not that it was somehow prepared, right from their conversations on Skype was guessed that something had changed. And to make matters worse, they all advised that Amnon is "still in shock, poor boy, traumatized."
The ticking clock together with their breathing, is the only audible noise.
"you have become silent." She says, looking distracted.
"Want to go get some sleep?" I suppose you'll be tired for the trip. "He says, continuing to pursue the course of his thoughts.
"I would love to do a shower instead." He asks.
Centottantanovesimo day.
Dear Rachel, my dear sister ...
I forced my mother to write a note for me, I do not have the strength.
you forgive me?
do not know if my letter will arrive, because the mother started crying and kept telling myself that I can not write certain things, you'll only worry. But
leave without saying goodbye is not it even more ugly?
I love so much, dear Rachel, I wish I could embrace.
If you happen, think of me and I remember that I will love you forever.
I know that I was not even a good friend and a good brother, how I wanted. You give too much trust the people.
Your girl will stay close, I'm sure.
not come to the funeral, that things are always sad and I know you hurt.
Sometimes a phone call to my mom, because I know you feel so lonely and she wants you so much, but just can not write my ticket and continues to cry.
Then I bid you farewell as well, in my head, sister, and I hope that somehow you will.
not be sad because it is better for everyone.
Amnon collapses on the bed, after giving Rachel everything you need to wash. It feels infinitely tired and inadequate.
afraid.
It 'obvious that Rachel find it strange, he is strange, he seems to be the ghost of what once was.
Occasionally fragments of what was emerging from under the skin because it would get out and push, but Amnon knows that would only be a short flashback, then apathy and sadness would take over again and it would be worse.
not be the same, he has no desire back to being himself.
no longer want to live.
squeezes the sheets, we would be happy to cry if it were alone, but does not want to scare his little sister.
closes his eyes, lips and greenhouse screams inside himself, as he learned to do during those endless days.
The taste of blood passes once more into the nostrils and throat.
eightieth day
Today my mother told me that there is another guy in my condition.
And maybe a couple more in Jerusalem. After all, death is not original. Even though I'm starting to think that I do not really want to.
My body feels better, I have bursts of lucidity longer. Even fever is beginning to decline. I have yet to what I said in return.
Today I asked the nurse is to change the drip ... is a lady so sweet, like something out of fairy tales. A granny ... not as I remember mine, a big woman plump and despotic.
I wonder how this lady has to maintain its softness after many years of work so ungrateful.
I asked how many days I have left.
"Adonai only knows."
"I have a tumor? Leukemia? "
" But no, Amnon. "I was surprised that he remembered my name.
"It 's just a bad infection, but the worst seems past. You have to be strong for another bit '. "He caresses her head.
"I have a glass of water?" He gave me to drink the water burned.
"You will do well, try to drink more often."
Rachel extends the time in the shower trying to wash away the tiredness and anxiety. Here it is, everything went well.
"Your brother is alive, you've touched, you have squeezed between the arms is real." Repeats. But nothing can dispel the feeling that you are in front of her rather than a hologram or a metal clone.
Where did the boy who always smiled and that made her feel so good? Because now he puts almost uncomfortable?
Yet the two of them have been friends forever.
Amnon's father is of Italian origin and still has cousins in Livorno, so take the family every summer for a couple of weeks in a cooler place (Rachel had always wondered how that city could be furnace cooler ).
So, who knows when they met, perhaps through friends of friends ... Rachel does not remember exactly when, but certainly knows how every summer, the presence of the children who speak two words of Italian crippled, but always had a smile for all, rejoice.
Then they came up with the teens and the first holiday for "boys only" around Italy or Europe light-heartedness to have the world at your feet.
In the group, between the two of them had always been a particular aim. Both timid, with a shared passion for music and the world. Once past the language barrier, thanks to a little British English, but perfectly functional, it was easy to open the way for a beautiful and well-established friendship, cemented by the lack of mutual attraction.
Then, as often happens, were lost with the first loves and most age groups, which had brought Rachel and Amnon the military college.
Occasionally she received postcards or letters from his "friend forced into the army."
They had often talked together Amnon was smiling and joking:
"Unfortunately the nature has made me perfect enough that it can not be reformed."
Then somehow the time was spent apparently painless, bringing the fruit is good news.
"I come to study in Pisa."
"Sister," was how she had always known. "Think you can find a hole somewhere for me?" He said via Skype.
"Why?"
"I signed a Science of Culture in Pisa." Rachel made a funny face.
"Stop joking."
"I'm not kidding, I swear. I need to live a little 'out of here. "
"And why the hell you are registered in Italy?"
"Because my English is painful and you know it. It is also the only place where my father never let me go for so long ... And so we will close, no? Even though I know you now, you're almost done. But this time, at least, not to fail your degree. "He laughed.
"Crazy you are. Then I start to look for something, who knows ... maybe we could well end up living together. "
" I do not mind at all being with my sister. I am a housewife, you know? I also learned how to iron the shirts! "
" But to marry that man you are! "The laughter of both spread the quivering long noisy line.
Centosettantottesimo days
Today dad took me to read a book because now I can concentrate. I always liked to read so much, I need to relax.
"It's not that you could take the I-pod?" I asked. I missed my music.
I was always out of tune, I can not play an instrument, but the music I like, makes me happy. And I love going to concerts.
"Sure." He said the father. I noticed his eye sockets deep, seemed to have one hundred years. I felt guilty.
At least from that time would no longer be obliged-he and the mom-to spend the night with me.
I still feel weak, sometimes my head starts to spin and I can not get out of bed. Sometimes I fear that this condition will never end.
"We're already prepared to exit." He says, when Rachel's beat him on the shoulder, rousing from her thoughts. "How beautiful you are."
"Stop telling me, kind of a pimp, or I'll tell Stephanie the thing." She jokes.
"When is your better half?" Informs you, trying to smile.
"In two weeks, just after the exam session." She says, sitting next to him, regardless of the wide skirt that flutters everywhere. "Come on, prepared to go out, tramp. What you get? "Amnon gets up and opens the closet with a mechanical gesture." You give me some advice? "Without answering, Rachel gets up and starts to open the drawers.
"Try these, they seem nice." I suggested, pulling out a pair of white pants and wide.
"Do not be too white for me?" He asks.
"Maybe it's good once you learn how to eat without stain to." The Rachel teases. "And then it takes on something colorful. Oh, the problem is in your closet to find something that is not so colorful. To put that case now you have gray-green shirt in my honor? "She laughs. Amnon did not the courage to confess that now those colors, which he liked so much, can no longer wear them. Not that his tastes have changed, it feels just a sad clown with those pastel shades on and look gray. But I do not want to sadden again. Rachel's offers a pale pink shirt with a design on the pocket.
"This should gotta be good." Suggests. Amnon still dazed with clothes in hand.
"Well, what are you waiting for? Want to go out, big brother? "Asks gently.
"Maybe. Thank you. "
Centossettantacinquesimo days
Today Layla and Gal came to visit.
Layla is my neighbor when we were children often played together on the landing.
E 'Gal's cousin, she presented it to me.
I think for her it was a blessing that I went to Italy when we broke up, otherwise she would be pressed between two fires. Two hysterical queens do not wish for anyone. Gal
I did not expect was, in fact I would have preferred not to be so hypocritical.
It hurts to know that he came only for the sake of courtesy.
gave me a DVD, so I can vedermelo when I'm bored.
Gal told me that two other people on our team were bad, but are now out of danger. I know, maybe there was something in the water or food.
O maybe you were the debolucci the company. "I did not like his tone of mockery, I'm not weak.
Or at least I was not.
Leyla, before leaving, he told me to call for anything he needs.
But why do I need anything?
would just like a grave to rest in peace.
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